|By Joyce Ballantyne
Tomorrow I travel to the mainland to pick up m'new car and was all good to go when the salesman phoned this morning to say that I needed to bring my up-to-date insurance details in with me .....sorry to keep you waiting....... or he wouldn't be able to give me the car! So here I am, sitting on the phone trying to sort out the precise location of my cover note.......one of our operatives will be with you shortly but no-one is picking up.
Today is, after all, just about the worst day for trying to get through to an insurer for a new car .........sorry to keep you waiting.......because the new registrations are out today.
And I've been...
'Hello thank you for calling Ludicrously Expensive Insurerer. My name is British, how may I help you?'
'I've just been told that I need to take my insurance documentation with me to pick up my new car tomorrow. I am insured with you for the new car, but have not received a cover note yet - can you send some kind of insurance confirmation correspondence to the dealer, please?'
'I'm afraid that we can't do that. We can't fax or e-mail insurance certificates at all. Fraud prevention, you see.'
'I see. So how am I supposed to pick up my car tomorrow?'
'Perhaps your updated insurance details will be with you tomorrow before you go?' *Brightly* 'Is there anythign else that I can help you with today? Household insurance? Contents Insurance?'
'No. Just my car insurance.'
'I'm so sorry that we were unable to help you further in this matter. Thank you for calling Ludicrously Expensive Car insurers, my name is British, and I've been very pleased to help you with your enquiry today.'
*click* (hangs up)
Look at that - my knife arm is twitching involuntarily again.......
Right. Now what?
I phone the dealership and speak to the salesman. He promises that he can get me 7-days free cover, but I'll need to sit through a spiel from the insurance salesman. He gives me the telephone number and off I go again.
'sorry to keep you waiting, your call in a queue......' and so I've been sat here for 40 minutes now, waiting for EvenMoreLudicrouslyExpensive Insurance to get me to the front of the queue. If I can't get the free insurance, I can't pick up my car. It'll be damned inconvenient to have to reschedule EVERYTHING......your call is important to us....... and Tertarus will go BERZERK when he finds out. Oh, I am suck a fuckwit at times! I never even thought about having to take my insurance details with me!
*sobs quietly onto computer keyboard*
It's no good. I've hung up and will call again later....am off out for a jog. I don't need insurance for THAT mode of travel anyway.