14 Nov 2010

Hestia...is not dead

...but she sure feels like it right now *groan*  Y'see I have signed up for NaNoWriMo this year, which basically means that for the month of November I am eating, sleeping, breathing The Great British Historial Fiction Novel (Draft no: 1).  Summary - so far, it's all a bit shit.

Without boring you witless here's how it's panned out so far:

21,822 - the number of words written to date by me
2 - the number of characters that have appeared unexpectedly and now demand to have a bit of story written about them.
1 quantity of utterly gratuitious sex scenes - which is my BEST BIT so far.
730 - number of words in sex scene - so there are therefore over 21,000 of crap to date
1 number of characters ripped apart by fighting dogs
0 - number of laughs in the book to date
2 number of murders
1 number of shiny faced virgins who are about to get terribly despoiled by my anti-hero
20% of the ideas in the book come from family facts (none of the murders. Obviously)
nil - my ability to find my way back to the all important Writing Statistics on my nanowrimo account

so that's what I've been slaving over for the past 14 days.  Writing novels is rather hard. *tips hat at published authors* I don't think J K Rowling will have to worry about vacating her slingbacks any time soon....

I fell so far behind with my writing that I had to get up at 5am this morning WHEN IT WAS DARK and write nearly 6,000 words.  Which I have DONE.  They are rubbish.  But they are done *flops onto floor and passes out quietly*

What else is new with Hestia

1 - Sonshine told his gran that he had seen David Tenant in something other than Dr Who.  She was hugely impressed to find out that he had starred in Omlet on the telly last year.

2 - We like tormenting Sonshine, so we asked him again, a few days later what else David Tenant had been in and he responded 'Piglet'

3 - He's now not talking to either of us because of persistent teasing.

4 - Tertarus has GONE back to Mexico.  Numbers of Brazilian' waxes as yet untroubled by Tertarus in any way shape or form: one.

5  I'd say that either a break up or a stabbing is imminent.

6 - Rufus Sewell was killed off in Pillars of The Earth last week.  There is no point in living.

7 - oh and yes, was persuaded to stay on as Chair of TABI for another year, so keep your eyes peeled on Hestia for an opportunity to help TABI help Children in Need next week and get yourself a Tarot reading into the bargain :-)

7....and how could I nearly forget to tell you this???? The BABY arrived early - last Wednesday (by C-section as mum had hoped).  He is fine, after an initial touch of jaundice, and weighed in at under 6 lbs.  His head is the size of a satsuma and now, mercifully, not that colour.  I held him for nearly an hour and sniffed in that new baby smell like the lowliest crack addict.....Calum Daniel Scott Johnston - welcome to the world darling!!!!

So - dear reader - what's happening with you?


  1. Alison, so glad your still with us, and well done you for all that writing, I doubt very much that it will be rubbish.
    As usual your list is genius, shame on Tertarus, am also bereft at the loss of Rufus Sewell, with the loss of Downton Abbey it's a double blow. Congratulations all round on the new one!

    PS Have been following Strictly and no longer find Matt Baker irritating, after his Rumba, have developed a bit of a crush!
    Hope you have a lovely Sunday.

  2. Lovely to see you back again... I miss your humour xx

  3. spent all day yesterday in filthy rubber boots, 5 dollar pants, greasy hair and fleece cap, burning bush. there's something liberating about letting yourself go.

    on the way home, we popped into wal-mart to buy rubber boots and when i caught sight of myself in the mirror, i was horrified. you know it's bad when you're ashamed of how you look and you're in bloody wal-mart. other than that, all is (relatively) well.

    good luck avec le writing.

  4. You're doing flipping well with it - I don't dare sign up because I know I don't have the dedication to get the words written.

    Huzzah for gratuitious sex scenes.

  5. How exciting - I think you need more gratuitous sex scenes, maybe one with David Tennant?! And please invite me to the glamorous book launch.

  6. LOL. This post looks familiar ;)
    I have another one to add to mine...

    1 - inanimate object trying to become a character.

  7. How about a gratuitous comedy sex scene (anything that involves condoms should do the trick). It'll bring up your minor statistics no end!

  8. Dear Ali, thanks for cheering up a grey day. I would gladly read anything you'd written. I look forward to your novel, gratuitous sex scenes and all.

    David Tennant as Piglet, that would be fun.

    Lovely to talk to you xx

  9. Missed your humour and look forward to the book it will be fab!

  10. Seriously impressed with your NaNoWriMo dedication, and equally unimpressed with Tertarus. Ah, well, your gratuitous sex scenes can keep you warm ;-D

  11. I can't imagine anything you write would be crap. Send a copy asap, I could do with some gratuitous sex right now:)

  12. Wow that is a lot of words! Even if lots of them are crap, surely statistically-speaking some are bound to be non-crap, and if you just gather the right ones together, you could have a non-crap great big historical British novella! or something equally as enticing-sounding. As for me, I have just been to the homoepaths. It seems all a bit bonkers, but anyone who listens to my tales of wheezing lungs and weepy eyes and who gives me little white pills is worth a bit of indulging. off, now, to read past page 45 of Jilly Cooper's Riders. I bloody hate it. I bet you write way better. X

  13. I feel after reading how dedicated you are to your writing you might like some 'material' to add to your gratuitous sex scenes. Having done some research on vajazzel after reccomending it to you I really think it should feature in your novel,how you historicalize it, I'm unsure?!

    Some tips for the process,

    ■Step 1: Get a full brazilian.
    ■Step 2: Cleanse to remove all traces of wax
    ■Step 3: Apply Swarovski crystal transfer
    ■Step 4: Apply further individual crystals as needed
    Apparently the crystals last five days though you’re advised not to get jiggy for the first day to let them set. Seems a bit of a waste doesn’t it. All that sparkle for look don’t touch. Do you think it glows in the dark?

    A lot of things could go wrong with this though. It would completely catch on your La Perla’s and totally ruin them. And what happens when they fall off? I hope they don’t work their way into the aforementioned vajayjay. That could proved troublesome and quite unhygienic.

    If you’re interested in Ms Love Hewitt’s revelations here’s the clip. I’ve never heard anyone other than a romance novel heroine refer to her bits as her precious lady. I really think she’s lost the right to ever complain about the media intruding on her private life ever again.

    Can't wait to read the finished article...


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