10 Sept 2010

Hestia and .....mental deterioration

Will she be this year's John Sargent?
Scene 1:  The ferry, heading for mainland and the glory of The Glasgow Boys exhibition in Kelvingrove Art Gallery....the conversation has fallen to the welcome return of Strictly Come Dancing to the telly.....

Me:  I hope Anne Widdicombe does ok.  I hate when people take the piss out of older, less agile folk.

Day Carer:  Anne Widdicombe?

Me:  Yes, you know, the MP?  Writes books?

Day Carer:  Mmmmm - not sure, enlighten me.

Me:  SHE was the MP who said: 'He has something of the night about him about.....fuck.....you know......Tory MP'

Dar Carer *blank expression*

Me:  You KNOW......not John Major....but of that time.  Oh GOD I can see his FACE.......glasses.....smarmy looking

Day Carer: 'Alan Clarke?'

Me:  Nooooooooooooooooo - much smarmier looking.  Oh for God's SAKES........he was a Cabinet Minister.  He might even have been leader of the Tory party....

Day Carer:  Michael Heseltine? William Hague?    Was he Scottish?

Me:  Noooooooooooo not Scottish.  English.  Oh - this is going to drive me mad ALL day  *fade out*

Scene 2

The hushed sanctum of the Glasgow Boys Exhibition.  Squads of elderly art experts are muttering about the light and tone.  Day Carer sidles up to me and.....

Day Carer:  *whispers*  Have you remembered the name of the MP yet?

Me: *whispers* NO.  (yes, I CAN whisper quietly and shout at the same time) And now I'll start thinking about it all over again.  All day. *sulk*  I'd managed to forget all about that.....

Characters exit stage left.....(heading for coffee and cake)

Scene 3

Sitting at our evening meal at my Day Carer's:

Day Carer:  Would you like some lamb or some pork? *offers me serving dish*

Me:  MICHAEL HOWARD!   Michael Howard - that's whose name I've been trying to remember all day!!!
(sinks back into chair, exhausted from the mental effort)

Day Carer: Who?

Me:  Michael Howerd - that's who Anne Widdicombe said: 'He has something of the night about him.'

Day Carer: Who's Anne Widdicombe?

Me: Oh......never mind.  Pork please.

Roll on Strictly Come Dancing.  My Saturday nights will be a sea of sequins, eyeliner, skimpy costumes, ladies with vertiginously long legs and blokes with nice bums.  Oh - and MERLIN!

My money's on Matt Baker - who do you think will win?

*Obviously she's not REALLY my carer, but she's so incredibly organised and sorted that when we're together we automatically lapse into Useless Halfwit (me) and Effortlessly Useful (her)

Michael Howard - see? He DOES have something of the night about him.


  1. OMG, Strictly time again, love it, Anne Widdicombe, great, have no access to British TV at the mo will have to google and find out other competitors!

  2. Dash - They've got their own website now!


    Ali x

  3. Ali have just checked it out, love Pamela Stephenson, Patsy Kensit and Felicity Kendall, Matt Baker, so annoying, Gavin Henson he has something of the night about him too and as for Paul Daniels, Excuse me while I find a bucket.....
    I am looking forward to seeing how this series pans out.

  4. Oooh! Can smell the fake
    tan already, nothing like a bit of spankly motivation for loosing weight!

  5. Love Strictly but I have no idea who is taking part this year. I am so sad about Matthew and Brian leaving, stupid BBC. I still want Alesha and Matthew to get married, I cried at one of their Ballroom dances I think when she had a lemon dress on, and as for their quickstep......

  6. Dear Ali, I LOVE Strictly too. I like the same as Dash - Patsy, Felicity and Pamela. I can't bear Paul Daniels and Ann Widdecombe doesn't do it for me either. Off to get my Strictly fix now xx

  7. You just KNEW that Anton was going to end up with Anne Widdicombe. I think that they must pay him to be the stooge.

    I suspect that they'll go for the waltz, not the cha-cha in the first live show?!

    Ali x

  8. It'll most likely be Patsy Kensit that wins - she works for the Beeb. Mind you, some of their celebs I've never heard of (don't watch soaps) so I could be mistaken. It's all been rigged now so there can't be another John Sargeant popularity vote again so I reckon Anne will be out fairly early - Anton is getting his a*se kicked for his behaviour last time I suspect.


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