12 Aug 2010

Hestia's visit to Glasgow, in numbers

We've been in Glasgow for a few days. Here's how it panned out:

0 - The number of bedrooms in the accommodation that had mysteriously been allocated for us, when we'd asked for two.  We had no option but to take the studio flat (double bed and fold down double sofa) for the night with the hope that things could be straightened out in the morning.  When Sonshine went to bed, so did we....

7am - the time that Tertarus had to get up at on Monday morning to drive his car from Glasgow through to Falkirk for a service at 8.30am.  Mercifully, Sonshine decided to go with his dad.  They are like velcro these days.  Tertarus can offer me no explanation as to why he booked the service for so early in the morning. 

10.30am - the time they return.  I look up from my book, blinking in surprise, as the studio door creaks open.  Sonshine and Tertarus stand in front of me.  I'm supposed to have bagged up all our belongings again for imminent move to larger accommodation today.  I realise that I am, shamefully, still in my jammies where I've been cavorting undisturbed for hours with Thomas Cromwell and Henry VIII in Wolf Hall.  Tertarus has got That Look on his face. I start packing....

1 - number of Juno's diamond rings that have  been remodelled for me that I am picking up from jewellers today.  Am very excited about it until....

0 - the number of hours that Juno recalls that the jeweller is actually open for on a Monday.  Heart sinks.  We resort to taking Juno out for lunch instead.  I order a couple more glasses of wine than perhaps one ought, for lunch.  Rubs edges off nicely.  I am at one with the world.

8 - number of roundabouts we birl around in East Kilbride looking for the stained glass company - so that I can have a good few practice pieces before I start on the huge panel that makes up our front door.  No pressure.  I have no idea what kit I need or the costs and secretly have fingers crossed that we fail to find the correct roundabout. The nice glow from the wine has now worn off.

3 - number of times I glance at Tertarus's ever whitening knuckles on the steering wheel as Juno spouts forth about East Kilbride and roundabouts and how she would have given up by this time and did I know that her neighbour wasn't well and how Sonshine's telephone manner has improved and ..... well, you get the picture.

100% nervous delight at finding Pearson's Glass in East Kilbride.  I confessed to being utter novice and threw myself on the mercy of the guy in the showroom for bits of 'hobby glass' and advice about equipment, fluttering my newly mascara-ed eyes at him.  I have spent too much time reading Wolf Holl and am starting to act like Anne Boleyn.....but with bigger bosoms and a much worse wardrobe.

2 - abortive visits to Cineworld later that day to watch Cats and Dogs in 3D.  Sign outside says Yes it's on.  Boards inside say no, it's not.  Home.  Check Google - Google says Yes it's on.  We return to cinema.  No it's not. 

15.99 - the amount we need to spend on a DVD to pacify Sonshine for failed cinema visits - Alice in Wonderland (Tim Burton style)  Enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. Decide that I shall marry Johnny Depp if things fall through with George Clooney.

8 - number of pounds that parking in city centre has cost us to see precisely NIL films.  We return to the accommodation.  Fingers crossed.....

2 - number of bedrooms in new accommodation!!! Wooopeeee!

1 - item that I purchased in John Lewis for my ONE  hour shopping without Tertarus and Sonshine.   A cardigan type jacket thing.

100% depressed at all the lovely glittery, chiffony, TINY things that my body will just not fit into.  I resolve to lose weight.  Again.

3 - number of hours until I pig out on Mexican food at Cottiers - beef fajitas - bottle of red. Bliss.  I resolve to buy bigger jeans and worry less about not fitting into filmy, floaty clothing.

240- the number of British pounds that I confess to Tertarus to NEARLY spending on a lovely knitted gilet thing before common sense got the better of me in Lewis's and a more sensible cardi purchased.

250 - the number of pounds he confesses to actually having SPENT on a petrol-driven remote control car for him and Sonshine earlier that day whilst I am mithering over woolly in Lewis's.

20 - the number of minutes that I storm off and sequester myself away in the loo for, wondering just how to react to this reckless spending spree.  A model car?!  I resolve to purchase Bobbi Brown foundation the following day - regardless of price.  Possibly even a ridiculously priced woolly gilet too.

0 - the number of foundations purchased the following day.  I've never been ANYWHERE where the make up girl (very nice) finds me a perfectly complementing foundation and then has NONE in stock to sell me.

3 - number of times my credit card was rejected in Frasers (to where I dashed in order to buy the foundation after Lewis's was out of my shade!)

Beetroot - the shade I blushed because my credit card wasn't being accepted.

20 number of minutes that I had to sprint from our newly docked ferry to Frank's for my Wednesday 'music' lesson.

2 - gins and tonics at the Agricultural Show (after my music lesson). 

0 - amount of Tonic used in the gins - just fumes, I think. 

1 - number of stink bombs that Sonshine set off in the Drinks Tent (or do I mean Drunks' Tent?), causing the assembled farmers to scurry outside with their bottles and cans, coughing and spluttering.

2 - number of minutes it took me to find Sonshine and frog-march him from Agricultural Show for his reckless bombing campaign.

9pm - time that Tertarus rolled home at after Agricultural Show.

2 - number of times my knife arm twitched as he slurred his way upstairs to bed......

Never mind.  It's MY birthday tomorrow.  Huzzah! :-)


  1. As one August baby to another, go treat yourself, I believe you deserve it......you're a leo you can't live like that!!

  2. Oh I love this post for so many reasons .. but I love the fact your husband sounds so much like my own £250 for a cardigan !..but £250 for a toy is nothing ..MEN!!
    I should do a minute diary but at the moment the risk of it becoming more like war and peace is too great xx

  3. A cardigan for 250 pounds. You are pulling our leg aren't you????

  4. YAH - I have decided to wait until my credit card bill is paid (massive! - that's why my card was rejected *eek*!)

    Ruth - sometimes it's like living with another species!

    Mystica - it was indeed! But I reckon that it can be found much more cheaply on-line. But the moment of cardi madness may have passed (see: Huge Credit Card Bill!)

    Ali x

  5. Priceless!! I loved this post. Ali you are brilliant. Your blog should be a column!!

    And get Tetarus to treat you to the new foundation. Buy it online for Gods sake!! xx

  6. The gilet thing is lovely and would look nice with your twinkly bangle things from your mum, and perhaps set a diamond off quite well too.

    Dave has a remote control car that cost £10 from M&S and has The Stig on it. Make you husband return his, and I'll send you it. Also tell him he could have an actual (admittedly a bit rusty and bangery) car from the car auctions for £250.

    THe alcohol in this post pleased me!


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