24 Sept 2011

Hestia's Denim Detox

I could never wear those frilly knickers with
conviction,  #i might END UP with a conviction
if I wore them in Scotland though.
So, when we were up in Glasgow a couple of weeks ago, I was idly lying on the sofa, perusing Red magazine and my gaze alighted on a feature where a very glam blonde opted to forgo her usual diet of denim for a week. 'My God,' thought I, working my way through a Kitkat,' I'd DIE if I had to give up my jeans for a whole week.'

Right then and there, of course, I resolved to do 7 days without a shred of denim.

Day 1 started off badly, I'm afraid.  By this time, of course, we were back home and recovering from a few seriously nice restaurant meals and umpteen crates of wine. It was Sunday morning, I had spent a couple of hours giving my poor old wardrobe a pep talk and hanging everything up properly and checking for lost buttons and all that sort of thing.

I had opted for a nice pair of tweed trews with tiny colourful flecks of fuchsia, orange and pink (ancient, from M&S sale about 5 years ago) teamed with a fuchsia pink sweater, straightened my hair, had my make-up on...channelling a fashionable person for once, when, DISASTER struck.

Standing with my cup of tea in hand, answering a question from my son, I let out what I thought was a small unobtrusive fart.  Dear Reader, I don't know how to tell you this, but there was.....more than just air.  Shocked at my own body's lack of warning for such a terrible event, I John Wayned it up stairs and got myself sorted out.  I can only put it down to rich food, no gallbladder and a fairly spicy jalapeno thing the previous night.

I was back in the jeans while my trousers did a light-load cycle to relieve them of their, erm, own light load.

Reader, I won't bore you with all the detail of what I wore for the rest of the week, but not only did I manage a week without a thread of denim passing my hips, I'm on to week two!  I feel that I'm making much better use of my clothes now, rather than just lazily reaching for the first pair of blue strides at the bottom of the bed of a morning....I can recommend it to The House.

I did, of course, take photos of my gear on a daily basis, but SOMETHING mysterious happened to the camera and all the pix are gone. No-one is confessing to deleting my runway looks, but I'm thinking that Tartarus has been quite pleasant yesterday and today, so he's the most likely culprit.  Of course, I could just run upstairs and do the 10 changes of clothes again, but Strictly will be on soon and well, if you think I'm missing Nancy Del Olive Oil's opening dance for the sake of a photo of me in a badly fitting black leather pencil skirt, you are mistaken.

Strictly - hoping Lulu is fabulous, putting a small bet on the chappie from McFly as he's the right sort of shape.  Hoping Nancy is in it for weeks and weeks and weeks!!!

So, do you dare rise to the Denim Detox challenge?


  1. Sorry dear Hestia, the last time I wore denim, flares had just arrived, so there's not one piece of denim in my entire wardrobe. But I'm a bloke, and quite honestly, I couldn't even tell you what I wore yesterday, and probably don't really care.

    Was I warm?
    Was I dry?
    Was I comfortable?

    That's all I really care about.

    About the other matter regarding the unexpected visitor.

    Blokes call it a SHART, being a combination of FART and ....No, It's too delicate a matter.

    You could always use the defensive technique described by Victor Melgrew, incorporating sanitary pads and a tampon.... but again, I'm to sensitive to give further details.

  2. A week without denim sounds too hassley for words. Why? What's wrong with denim? Jeans are quick and easy and practical, too. I'm afraid this is more likely to get me to write an ode to jeans than to foresake them for a week :D

  3. Oh my that made me chuckle out loud! My youngest got quite cross until I explained what I was laughing at.

    I like you love my jeans, so well done on a week without them.

    X x

  4. As I can't really wear jeans for work a week without denim would be entirely possible, depending on my weekend commitments. But I'm not sure I want a week without denim right now.

    So on that note I heartily applaud your achievement.

  5. I haven't got a single bit of denim in my wardrobe so that'd be easy for me. I don't like it much tbh.

    Sorry to hear about your little escapee. I have learnt to respond quickly to the somatic warning signals. Putting it off can lead to disaster.

  6. I'm still laughing at the SHART!!!
    Well done on getting through a whole week without succumbing to the lure of denim. I do love jeans but they're just that bit too easy. It's much more rewarding to utilise other stuff in the wardrobe and have a bit of fun in the process. xxx

  7. Ahh, a little bit of follow through (not the jean challenge) can be quite awkward, especially in public. It does rather change your gait a wee bit.
    After all my prison labor, I'm hoping to fit back into my old jeans soon.

  8. *snorts*

    I probably could do a week without jeans but they're my default option on days when I'm lazy or running late. Most of the time I'd rather resort to them than get out of bed early and actually plan an outfit.

  9. Golly - what a good job you were at home!

    I don't think I really need a 'denim diet' (a diet to better fit my denims, now, there's another thing), but anything that makes you look more carefully at stuff you already own is deffo a good idea. I find laying out outfits the night before plus jewellery etc. is really helpful for avoiding the denim at the end of the bed thing.

    Having said that, my husband's going away for 10 days - I bet I live in yoga clothes for all of it LOL. xxxxxxx

  10. hilarious and horrific in equal measures...........well done with the denim detox.....I too go through moments of trying to pull on something other than jeans everyday....like a week of wearing skirts!! Need to be on tip top form for that though....x

  11. Dear Ali, that was the best fashion post I have ever read! All the other fashion blogs have now been spoilt for me - they can chunter on all they like about mixing patterns and pops of colour but if they don't conclude with a good old shart, they are just pants, if you get my drift.. they have quite literally been blown out of the water by you! You really are an original, I snorted so loudly with laughter, I am running in the 2.30 at Cheltenham.. xxx

  12. Hilarious as ever I've snorted ALL over the keyboard.
    Sorry but Im sticking with the denim:)


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