Hestia's dog is afraid of......

• shadows (including, I kid you not, his own)
• tennis balls
• stairs (inside and outside)
• mirrors
• footballs (bounced or kicked)
• umbrellas (up or down)
• loud noises
• Crisp packets (empty)
• Boys on bikes
• birds (the feathered, not Kardashian, variety)
• Anything behind him
• other dogs
• being left on his own

His farting has become legend and he's only been here a month.

Stretching in his basket in the morning? Let's let off a wee fart.
Wanting to go out on the lead? Let's let off a wee fart.
We've got some friends round for coffee? Let's let off a wee fart
And my absolute favourite..... stretch into downward dog after a nap?  Let off a wee musical fart.  Especially if Hestia is bending down to pull on her training shoes next to his arse.

I'm saying 'wee' fart, but in truth they are about as loud as a human's far and three times as yellow and sulpherous as a rotten egg.  I am reduced to sitting at the computer with my fleece up round my nose like a yashmak, gagging quietly.

Having him in the car is quite the experience.  We bought a harness for him, so that if I have to brake suddenly, 5 stone of black dog doesn't disappear through the windscreen from the back seat.  He doesn't like his harness and the back seat of my car is covered in stressed-out drool.  In fact, the driver's seat is covered with stressed-out drool too.  But it's mine.

He is all legs and it's like trying to wrangle a recalcitrant giraffe into the mini.

On the other hand, we found that if we put the seats down and put his basket in, he will lie like a lord in utter splendiferous comfort until he is dragged out.

The ferry.  Jesus, he hates it.  The steep metal stairs are utterly beyond him, so we have to go up in the lift. Then we spend the next 30 minutes hoping that he doesn't pee or poop in the Dog Corner of the boat.  I would never be able to lift my head in public if he did one of his famous Big Pees on the boat.

Last trip I bought him a pig's ear (disgusting to look at, but rather tasty I believe) and he was so stressed that he wouldn't even look at it.  I ended up going away and leaving it.  Christ knows what the crew thought when they found THAT on their clean up.

BUT...

even with the howling and the door scraping and the widdling at the back door and the refusal to go out in any kind of rain whatsoever, he's a really lovely big dog.  The only thing big about him is his size - he makes no demands and would spend all day sleeping if you let him.

Sonshine is a bit put out because I keep shouting HIS name and not the dog's.  When I really mean the dog.  And sometimes I shout the dog's name when I really mean to summon Sonshine.  I put it down to my age.

Which goes up to 50.  Tomorrow.  TOTALLY DREADING IT.