24 Dec 2011

Hestia...goes Christmas Crackers

Could it be keys to a Ferrari?
We'd put it off for as long as possible, but with the weather threatening to put the ferry service off on Christmas Eve, we could be left staring at a Christmas lunch that consisted of the remains of a selection box and the partially decomposed body of an ancient pain au chocolate.....

So, today (Friday) we did the Christmas Food Shopping. On the mainland.  In Tesco. Yeah, verily, bow down and worship at the feet of the Hestia The Indefatigable and the Blessed Wallet of Tartarus

I had a list, laid out with military precision - all the veggies together, all the meat and, of course, all the booze.

First of all, we dumped Sonshine at the in store child care facilities Toy Department and off we went, jaws set grimly, list in hand, trolley squeaking wildly and Don't F*ck With Us, We're On A Mission From God To Get Croissants expressions.

Actually, most of it passed off without incident.  Although we did run into most of our island neighbours while we were there - which is only to be expected.  It's ok running into someone at the beginning of the supermarket trek, but after bumping in to the same people in every subsequent aisle, conversation dries up.  And everyone just looks pissed off to be there.  You just eye-roll each other as another fifty quids worth of food gets added to the cart.

Anyway, picture the scene:  we've just loaded up with umpteen bottles of Crabbies Ginger Beer and Tenants Lager when Tartarus announced that we needed more crackers.

'I've got crackers in the house,' I say breezily.

'But have we got enough?' he said, his brow creasing with concern. 'We've got friends coming on Boxing Day and I think we'll have none left after Christmas Day.'

My heart leapt - maybe The Grinch Tartarus WAS getting into the Christmas spirit right enough........'Maybe you're right....you look after the trolley, I'll go and get some more,' I say, offering him the chariot and shouldering my way through the crowds.

A short while later I arrive back at the trolley, cheeks aglow, a large box of crackers in my hand.

'What in the hell is that?' he asks.

'Crackers'  I show him the box - gold and cream trimmed crackers, one dozen of the finest thereof.

He sighs. 'For CHEESE,' he says. 'Crackers for cheese.'

Well, it's a mistake that anyone could make, right? RIGHT?


For the first time in living memory, Tartarus has bought me a surprise Christmas present.  I haven't had to buy it or wrap it (which is what has happened for the past 10 or so years).

My heart hopes that it is something crazy beautiful like an ipad or a kindle.....maybe jewellery? Oooooh - maybe theatre tickets for Warhorse or Wicked in London in the Spring?!  My imagination has been  working overtime.

Then friends reminded me of previous surprise presents that he'd bought me. And it reminded me of why he doesn't usually do this.  I started to mither a bit about it......

'Alright, You can ask me ONE question about your present', he said magnanimously.  'But you can't ask me what it actually is outright, ok?'

'Ok.  Here's my question:  Is it from Halfords?'

There was a lot of huffing and puffing and bluster, but there was, dear reader, no outright yeah or nay.

I'll let you know on Christmas Day.

What's the betting it's wiper blades?


  1. here's hoping you have a joyous and wonderful christmas, dear ali, and a smashing new year! cracker away!

  2. Your first and only guess was Halfords? Just what has he bought you before???And thank god the ferry was running - you can't eat Kevin, even in dire circumstances ;) Have a fabulous Christmas and a wonderful New Year! x

  3. I'm waiting with bated breath!

    Have a wonderful christmas.

  4. What's wrong with Halfords?
    What's wrong with new wiper blades?
    Come on, at least he wrapped them this time.

    Merry Christmas to you all (don't forget Kevin)

    Oh, Oh, maybe it's a new socket set!

  5. Maybe he's learned from the past and is just pulling your leg? Here's hoping it's something you'll actually enjoy! Wishing you a lovely Christmas, with much merriment, good food, and better company :)

  6. Maybe it's a fabulous car stereo? I hope it isn't wiper blades.
    Merry Christmas!

  7. Dear Alison, I am crossing my fingers that Tartarus has bought you something wonderful but I think that low expectations generally make for a happier Christmas. Mr LiC hardly ever remembers to buy me anything for Christmas - sadly, some men are simply programmed that way. I would have liked more crackers too - the Asian in me knows that plenty of loud bangs are excellent for keeping evil spirits at bay! Happy Christmas, dear Alison! love Lindaxxx

  8. Just on a practical point - do you get a discount on the ferry as residents?

  9. Kevin has started to decompose ?? wow


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