29 Apr 2024

Hestia is baking scones. And binning them.

I am very partial to a fruit scone, with clotted cream and strawberry jam. Very partial indeed *pats tummy* but also rather keen to cut down on processed foods. I would, I decided in a fit of culinary madness, bake my own scones.

How hard could it be? 

Reader, the first couple of times they were gorgeous! Light as a feather and I felt my full Hestia-potentiality might AT LAST be realised. If this is what I could do with plain flour with added baking powder, how marvellous might my scones be if I actually used SELF-RAISING FLOUR?! At this point you may laugh hollowly at my naive, beginner's optimism.

Thus I purchased a small bag of self-raising flour and set to work. 

I baked a batch on Friday (Tartarus was away for the weekend with his boyfriend) and I thought I'd have a little bout of domestic goddessness.  Not only did they refuse to rise, they remained resolutely doughy inside.

I would also like to tell you that I put the failed scones straight in the bin, but they actually went straight into my tummy. Cue stomach-ache, but not enough to make me put the rest of the scones into the bin. I am a waste-not-want-not kind of a gal.

Anyhoo, yesterday (Sunday) I finally gave up and put the final scones into the bin.

Today, Tartarus is BACK (from the NI road racing) with a vengeance and doing all the housework that his slut of a partner failed to do (correctly. Or just failed to do. Which is more likely). I would, I thought again, make him happy with me by making scones. This would prove that I was good for something.


The scones again failed to rise and I just took their pale, flat, flabby bodies from the oven, let them cool down and tipped them straight into the swing bin. He said nothing, but I felt as if my failure with the scones was just confirming to him that I was indeed generally fucking useless.

Actually, I'm being pretty unfair on him. He DOESN'T think I'm useless. I can practically promise you that as soon as I am out of his eyeline he doesn't have a single thought about me at all.

Which I hope one day to play to my advantage in some as-yet-unforseen way.

I digress! Back to the scones. I don't know what I did wrong. My hands are cold. I barely touched the mix to draw it all together. I remembered all the ingredients .... I wonder ..... My wondering took me back to the kitchen (now cleaned up by the Mrs Mop that is Tartarus after any kind of break: see any kind of post that I made after any of his trips abroad for work) and lo! I hauled out the flour. And. Yes. You guessed it. I have been using the PLAIN flour and not the self-raising flour.

I'll have another go this afternoon with the right flour, but am not looking forward to telling Tartarus that I know where my mistake was made. If anything will underscore what a useless bit of humanity I am, it is admitting that I have used the wrong flour - not once, but twice.

Promise to post pix of some DECENT scones. Assuming that I make some!

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