15 Jul 2010

Hestia...gets her priorities right

Hmmm - Tom Ford? Doesn't he make cars?
I know that it's hard to believe, but there ARE downsides of being with the Domestic God that I live with - let's call him Tartarus (Greek mythology = the darkside of the underworld) for ease of reference.  Yes, he's a control freak. Yes, he's uber-tidy and yes, there is not a sliver of romance glistening in the coal-black darkness of his soul.

But let's not say those things like they're BAD.

I *need* a control freak because, well, you should see the trouble that I can get myself into while he's out of the country (just in the past 6 weeks alone - threats of litigation, weeping, inadvisable purchases on ebay and the possible transfer of a large portion of our savings to the wrong bank account).  I also need a tidy man because I'm not tidy at all:  I'll happily step over the same pile of laundry that needs ironed for...oooh, weeks.

As far as the romance thing goes - here's an example of how unromantic he is:  When our son was born, I didn't get a dozen red roses, or even a single one. 

No, I got a printer for my computer. 

Now, don't raise your eyebrows and wonder about how close I came to stabbing him with a big jaggy knife.  The truth is, roses ARE beautiful, but a printer is more useful - and, 10 years later, I still have the printer......

I prefer to see him as PRACTICAL rather than unromantic.

He doesn't tell me that he loves me unless I do that irritating 'let's talk' thing in bed when he's deeply engrossed in a Wilbur Smith book.  He SHOWS me he loves me by washing my car, making me cups of tea, giving me breakfast in bed of a Sunday, going downstairs to the freezing kitchen in the middle of the night to get me a glass of water clad only in the fur God gave him.

So believe me, he does have his good points :-)

However, the very worst thing about living with Tartarus is his job.  Being away from home for six weeks at a time comes at a high cost.  Sonshine misses him dreadfully. I'm not so bad because I've had several decades to get used to it.

Today was a bad day.  Tartarus was due to be in Glasgow on Thursday, but now he won't be home until Saturday.  Yes, it gives me a couple more days to try to knock the house into that casual tidy-but-not-specially-tidied-up-because-you're-home state of grace....but it's also another couple of days for the bits that ARE tidy to descend into my habitual sloveliness.

This news that Tartarus would not be home as planned led Sonshine to storm off up to his room and do a bit of pre-teen door slamming and emitting a suitably irritating 'JEEzus' as he huffed off.

Worse than upsetting our son, the news has totally ballsed up my plans for the weekend.

My dearest friend, the Vet, is getting married in October.  She's never been married before and it is A Big Deal.  We agreed to meet before midday at Rogano (don't call it The Rogano btw) for a bite of posh lunch before braving the wilds of.....Daniel-land.....  for a spot of make-up madness with all manner of wildly expensive products purchased For The Wedding.

I'm no makeup expert, but next to the Vet and my other friend, the Mad Woman from Kilmarnock, believe me I'm positively Gok Wan.

After we had burned our credit cards to a frazzle, we were going to chill out at her flat with a glass of something white and cold (or in my case probably a bit pink and fizzy) and pass out quietly in front of 'Young Frankenstein'.  We are not sophisticated.

But now Tartarus will be expecting to be picked up at Glasgow airport at the very minute I'm hoping to be shoving a silver fork into my gob at Rogano.

Readers, I could tell you that I am torn in my duties and responsibilities to both Tartarus and the Vet, but I'm not.

I am off to Rogano with my friends.  Does that make me a bad person?

Possibly.  Sonshine will be farmed out to a suitably responsible family from Friday to Saturday (ie midnight telly watching sessions of America's Next Top Model under the duvet, plus the same socks/pants for two days) and, to show my Goddessly irritation,  I have issued Tartarus with a shopping list for make up from Mexico City Airport.

Tom Ford lipstick - two shades
Chanel lipstick - two shades
Chanel nail polish - the nice turquoise one

He will do what he usually does, print out the e-mail with all the details and thrust it into the hands of a suitably fierce make-up diva in the airport shops and tell her to Get Everything, while he goes to The Friendly Man bar and gets the first of many *cough, cough*  'cocktails' to prepare him mentally for his lengthy flight home.

The thing is, until I started blogging and hanging around, in the ether at least, with the likes of the Blogging Gods (see the list to the right) I would never have coveted something like a Tom Ford lipstick or wanted to wear an armful of silver bangles.  But now it's all I can think about.  Does that make me shallow?

Don't answer that!


  1. I think it's actually very healthy that you're not dropping your girlfriends and your plans just because Tartarus has changed his schedule. Creating a supportive network of friends is really important, I think, and being there for those friends is part of the deal. Yes, it's also important to be there for your household God, but I'm sure he can manage alone for a few hours, whereas for your girlfriends it's then or perhaps not at all. As for the bangles and lipstick making you shallow - no comment! ;-D

  2. One of the thing people always comment on about Dave and I is that we have a good relationship(much like yours but with me being the tidy one, it seems), but that part of that seems to be each of us live out own lives - I'm allowed to go for tea or a girly night with my freinds about once a month, he is allowed to galavant off on tour for a week a couple of times a year. The way I look at it, whilst I don't see Dave and I ever splitting up, i'd like to think i'd have some semblance of a life if we did.

    Also -lipstick and bangles are important.

  3. I didn't get roses either. Got a nice baguette with brie, pate and a glass of wine (all the things I'd been missing) the first time and a swift half of guinness down the pub second time LOL

  4. You've got a good man there!

  5. You make me laugh.
    X David, NYC

  6. Hi,
    I was curious enough (read incurably nosy) to check out your blog as your facegoop comments always make me laugh - have just read all your archives and cannot emphasize enough how interesting and well written your blog is!
    As for lipstick and bangles, these things are essential. And i personally find being made coffee/tea and other small gestures more romantic than a huge bunch of flowers when its the "done" thing to do - dont get me wrong, spontaneous flowers are lovely, but when my OT feels like it, not because of what day it is

  7. Chloe - I will raise a glass of something sparkly for you in Rogano tomorrow - assuming that the weather does not conspire to hold me captive on the island AGAIN :-)

    LM - very healthy! Do your own thing - at least you've always got something interesting to talk about.

    Ania - dear lord, your man knows you inside out m'dear!

    Mystica - most of the time, he's great - the phrase 'long-suffering' crops up a lot of the time. Although, sometimes I *do* want to run him through with a big jaggy knife.

    David - why that's very kind of you to say so ;-)

    Emily - wow! Again very high praise - thank you so much ;-) I do hope that you'll pop back and chip in with more comments. The more the merrier!

    Ali xxx

  8. Ali -

    The morning started out as abslute crap for me (yes, related to a man and expectations!), so to read this, and to know that you placed importance on your friends - it made me laugh, it made me cry, it made the world seem a lot brighter!


  9. Aw - Bonnie, I'm sorry :-( - do you want to borrow my big jaggy knife to run him through with?

    If so, can you wipe the blood off it before you give it back?

    Drop me an ee if you want a weep and a virtual gin and tonic.

  10. I think you did the right thing to see your girlfriends. Your husband sounds lovely. You're blogs are brilliant to read, you never fail to make me laugh. I'm very glad you started blogging. You're fabulous xx

  11. Christina - you're too kind!

    Ali xxx

  12. AliX: It's really a bit odd to peruse a past post (try and say that 10 times fast)and realise that you're writing to the past but it's really the present.

    I hope (in retrospect) that you made the right decision. and went to Roganao.
    Is the lobster still as good as I remember?

    I really don't believe it but the confirming word is SPLUT
    Are the pole dancers as gorgeous?

    Tartarus will/has understand/understood you made/will make the right choice.

    A husband is forever, but good seafood and a shopping blitz is priceless.


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