29 Oct 2010

Hestia and a quick Sonshine update

The letter came home from school about a fortnight ago with all the details of the Hallowe'en School Disco. 'Are you going?' I asked my Sonshine.  I was met with a look of disdain and a snort.  That would be a 'no' then.

Cut to Monday and Sonshine announces that he has changed his mind and he IS going to the disco.  On the Thursday.  As a Zombie Abraham Lincoln.

I know.  I don't know where get gets it from.  Probably the Simpsons.

Anyway after a bit of a panic on Twitter, my lovely needle-friendly friends convinced me that a Zombie Abe was totally achievable.

So I set about crocheting him an Abe Lincoln style chin-strap beard.  He could wear the suit he got for the wedding last October and, well, how hard could it be to make a stovepipe hat?

Reader, it was during our crochet session that Sonshine casually announced to me that he was starting Sex Education Lessons with Mrs S.

'oh?' I said, deep in the tangles of my triple crochet.

'Yes, Mrs S said that she was going to explain lots of things to us.'

'Well, that's lovely,' I muttered, testing the beard for length against his baby-soft chin.



'What's a corn dog?'

My gaze flickered up from my crochet hook. 'In what capacity was it used.  Put it into a sentence.'

'Mrs S said that she was going to talk to us about sex and corndogs,'

I caught my grin and stuffed it up my sleeve.

'Ah, a CONDOM.' I said with that rising fear in my stomach that only comes with Sex Discussions With Sonshine.

'What is a condom?'

'Well.  You know how I told you that men and ladies have a special cuddle when they want to make a baby?'

He nodded.

'Well sometimes you want to have a special cuddle and NOT have a baby. And that's when you use a condom.'

'But what is it?'

Where the FUCK is Tertarus when all this stuff comes up? Nowhere to be found, that's where.

'Well, you know how you've got a sticky out bit when you clean yourself in the bath.'

Sonshine nodded. 'Dad told me I was cleaning it too fast.'

I ignored this attempt at Tertarus-type humour.

'Right. Whatever.  Well when your willie is in the sticky out position, you put on the condom.  It's a bit like a finger of a rubber glove.  But it's much more special than that.' I sensed that the combined picture of putting a marigold on his tiny willy was boggling his equally tiny mind.

'So, it goes on the sticky out bit?'

'Yes,' I said absent mindedly crocheting a bit more beard.

'And is there the same sort of thing for a lady.  Like a bag?'

'I do believe there is,' I said, aware of the conversation snaking out of control like an angry viper.

'And do you have one, mum?'


Neatly sidestepped, I'm sure you'll agree.

The stovepipe hat was a fecking MARE to make.  I opted to just make it ridiculous looking - after all, what's the point in being an authentic Abe when you're actually a zombie.

So the night of the disco came around and I took a picture of him.  And here he is - after the disco and posing it up.

Yes.  I know EXACTLY what you're thinking and it's perfectly ok to launch into a quick chorus of Gay Bar by Electric 6 - because that's just what we all did when we saw him togged up like this.  For those of you who are not aware of the Electric 6 thing of which I speak.

Here it is in it's glory.  Alltogether now.....'I'm going to take you to a gay bar!'


  1. LOL, but did you explain to Sonshine what a Gay Bar was?

  2. That's an impressive costume, he looks properly braindead Abe Lincoln like.

    On my 3rd placement I had P6, and I had to DO 'Sexual Health Education' with them, aged 25!

    Very neat sidestep! :)

  3. You're feeding him too much - he looks too healthy for a zombie :-) Nice staircase - when was the last time you polished the stair rods ? << runs away cackling >>

  4. Crotchet and sex in the same post???????? Hahahahahahahahaha set me up for the weekend x

  5. Actually, I'm rather impressed with those stair rods - don't see them too much these days. Impressed as well that he actually still looks like what he went as AFTER the disco.

  6. Great job on the costume! I think it rocks.

    Your post cracked me up.

  7. Hahaha.
    I wish Id explained to my lot as eloquently as that.
    ANd the costume looks FABULOUS!

  8. I think you did very well both on the SE chat and the costume.

  9. The costume is great and I think the chat was really well handled.

  10. Awesome!! Good skills on the costume, condom chat & crochet. The Electric 6 finished me off!! Hilariously spot on!!!
    Hope he had a great Halloween party xx

  11. Dear Ali, you did a great job on his costume. I'm loving the crochet beard! Neatly swerved on the sex conversation too.

    Gay Bar cracks me up every time. I love it. Have a brilliant weekend xx

  12. Excellent costume making skills! I'd probably have just used boot polish to make a beard - crocheting is way beyond the limit of my crafty abilities.

    Still chuckling about the condom conversation...

  13. Hey Ali,
    You look Beautiful, dam hot, So the diet worked then...
    Have to say i love the way you write its so funny, can totally relate to it all. the marigold bit got me , could see it all.
    Your a great Mum he looks wicked.. Hope he had fun.
    Funny that Gay bar vid, George's dad used to look after Electric Six back in the day. We all used to sing along to it in the car all the time...
    One day as i picked George up from Nursery, they told me he had been singing all day..
    Opps sorry about that i said as strapped him on the back of my bike and kissed his little blonde head
    and thought to myself Oh im so proud you.
    They are funny arn't they, kinda makes up for all the other times when they drive you mad.
    Lots of love

  14. You got out of that one pretty well. I thought you were going to have to give a demo on a corn dog.

  15. Legend - I'm sure it's only a matter of weeks before a demo is demanded.

    Fee- aw thank you! But there are rather a lot of other times when they drive you bloody insane though, isn't there?

    Alex - boot polish? Never even thought of it! Actually, probably too messy on his school shirt lol!

    Christina - don't let the crocheting fool you. I am not domesticated other than lasagne and soup!

    Butterfly - thank you!

    Siobhan - thank you!

    NS - was a bit proud of it myself to be honest!

    SB - thank you!

    Lori - thanks for noticing my stair rods, as cleaned by Sonshine in return for some hard cash lol! He made a bit of an arse of them, still, better then they were before!

    Mrs P - thanxoffly!

    Viv - see comment to Lori you cheeky mare :-)

    LM - I feel your pain....

    Ania - no, but am sure it will come up in Sex Education chat soon!


I'd love you to comment, but I get a phenomenal amount of spam comments on here for some reason - so everything is moderated. But only for spam. Any other comment will be posted :-D

Explore the ruined citadel of m'blog: