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| I'm SUPPOSED to be the one on the right. |
Reader, I am sure that you are not surprised to learn that I fall into that latter category.
Yes, from the groin down I am as furry as a goaty little Satyr.
And I have been fluffy ALLLLL winter.
I do envy those girls who keep themselves plucked and smooth just in case they:
a) have to show more of their legs than me (I only need to expose the inch between the top of my ankle sock and up the inside of my jeans)
b) are whisked away to somewhere warm for an unexpected holiday (I myself have been no further than the Isle of Man in 2011 and even then I still kept my jeans on). I have not worn shorts since Mrs Steele's gym class in 1979.
c) Get a chance to have a shag with someone who cares a jot whether their...shagee... got smooth legs (yes, well, I'll just draw a veil over that particular issue)
This morning as I was getting ready for the gym (see: massive t-shirt that should really be housing a family in a refugee camp somewhere, yoga pants that have never darkened the surface of a yoga mat) Tartarus remarked that my nethers seemed to have 'escaped' the confines of my Big Pants in much the same way as clump of weeds might surreptitiously take-over a flower bed without you noticing. To be perfectly honest, it's now At One with my hairy legs :-) I know. I sound like a DELIGHT to be close to. But the heating is OFF most of the time in our house - it's a heat-retention technique *cough*
Now, just to clue you in, Tartarus is so hairy that he has to make an informed decision of a morning about where his cut-off point is on his neck before he starts shaving or he'd be standing there de-fluffing all day. And even when he does shave, it grows back at Homer Simpson speeds.
What can I say about his back? Naked, it's like Tartarus is wearing a mohair suit.
So you can imagine, him making a comment about the state of my down-belows was a fairly risky thing to do.
I was juuuuuust about to tell him that the day he gets hot wax slathered on his own 'welcome mat' would be the day that he could start telling me what to do with mine.
Instead, I took a look down at the poor fluff that I'm always ripping out and suddenly felt quite sorry for it: 'You know what? I think it could do with a wee tartan bow and some glitter.'
-o0o-
PS - have saved about £100 in waxing costs *punches air*
LOL. I am afraid that I too favour the wild and woolly look where the sun rarely shines :D
ReplyDeleteWe shall henceforth form the Fluffy Muff Club!
DeleteWe should have a secret handshake. I suspect we'd recognise each other in the gym changing rooms alright *note to self: buy bigger pants*
Ali x
You've just made me spit out my tea with laughter! Tartarus sounds as hirsute as Jon, he's very cosy to snuggle up to in bed but I insist on giving his back the once over as that's a hair too far.
ReplyDeleteLuckily I'm not hairy at all. I read a recent Facebook post from a bloke I know horrified he was dating a woman who only shaved her legs from the knee down, I had no idea there was anything wrong with that, I'm a bit worried now! x
Some people don't need to shave their legs and if I could go back in time and speak to my teenage self, I would tell her a) stay the HELL away from Tartarus and b) never start shaving your legs or your pubic fuzz.
DeleteAli x
Couldn't you ask Tartarus to shave "down there" after he's done his own?
ReplyDeleteCould lead to quite an exciting event.
Especially after he uses the aftershave.
I can imagine that the event will involve Accident and Emergency ;-)
DeleteDo you know, Ali, I have just been discussing these very issues? I am much like yourself - Mr Tumnus in winter, shave the legs (knee down - don't worry Vix!) if getting them out in summer, armpits if wearing sleeveless, nethers only on the rare occasion I wear a swimming cossie, so I have my own homegrown mirkin (spelling?)
ReplyDeleteI am astounded at how old-school that stance appears to be! Since when did it become de rigeur to denude oneself of all body hair in the style of a pre-pubescent child? Is it the influence of porn? One friend of mine thinks it's "cleaner" - oh please!
And a recently single/newly dating friend (in her 40s) enlightened me that it's not just the women - she has had "encounters" with men (also in their 40s, so not young whippersnappers) who shave/wax their nethers (she reckoned they think it makes their knob look bigger, but she's bitter...)
What is it with adults that they don't want to LOOK like adults anymore? Let's hear it for the retro bush! xxxxxx
Have you read How To Be A Woman by Caitlin Moran? I think I'm rebelling against the Porn Queen aspect of waxing your fanny to that of a pre-pubescent girl. Not that I have EVER gone quite that far. But we should EMRACE our fuzzy little fannys.
DeleteTeenage boys - apparently - think that if you are not as smooth as a Granny Smith apple you are some how unclean.
I cannot imagine why anyone would want a bloke to get rid of their fuzzy nethers. Turkey gizzard. Not a good look, guys.
Time to rebel!! Grow your triangle with pride!!! :-)
Triangle? I might struggle with that. More of a rhombus, maybe...
DeletePick a shape and wear it with pride, that's what I say!!!
DeleteAli -
ReplyDeleteLOL I am heading my thinking in the opposite direction - as in Brazilian waxing! Still in the thought stage, however. Bikini wax might be more realistic - not that I intend to wear said bikini! ;-)
Blessings,
Bonnie
Bonnie - Waxing is still better than shaving as a technique - lasts longer - but I'm thinking that we should really KEEP our hair there, maybe just tidy it up so that it doesn't escape one's knickers or swimming costume legs!
DeleteAli x
I was once shaved ready for a hernia operation. The nurse who did it was quite a beauty, so I asked, just out of curiosity you understand, what happens if the patient gets a bit out of control. She whipped out a rather heavy fountain pen and said, with a bit too much glee for my liking,"I just smack it over the head with this". She gave a little demonstration in the palm of her hand, which made my eyes water. Ouch!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, a big fountain pen would do the trick. Or think about your granny ;-)
DeleteAli x
I am afraid I am a fan of topiary; Google tells me I have a French wax :-) But I volunteer to strip Tartarus' welcome mat. Believe me, it would be *boiling* wax.
ReplyDeleteTopiary is all about shaping the leaves - actually leaving some behind so that you can tell it is a tree. Shaping is fine. Total removal is just a cross-over from the porn industry so that they can get better shots. I don't want my son to think that a smooth fud on a grown woman is normal. He'll just have to be astounded (possibly shocked into therapy) by the odd glimpse of my sequinned and possibly be-quiffed growler.
DeleteIt's my service to womankind! Producing a young man who's not appalled by a bit of fluff on a fanny :-D
Pubes in a chap's teeth is not an attractive look ;D
DeleteEh? How would that happen?
Delete*sticks fingers in ears and makes loud LALALALALALA sound* :-D
DeleteAli x
A well tended lady garden is thing of beauty and pleasure. The denuded look in pornography (so I gather) is going to muck up a lot of relationships once it gets beyond an afternoon in the pictures.
ReplyDeleteYes - I'm all for well-tended. Granted, I'm looking a bit overgrown m'self but then, I'm a bit derelict .....
DeleteAli x
Yes, but there's well tended, there's lush, there's impenetrable rainforest and finally there's the barbed wire obstacle reminiscent of Mons ( HAHAHAHA ) during the great push (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
DeleteLess said about Great Pushes, the better, methinks :-D
DeleteThis made me laugh a lot. If I left my own to its own devices I could go outside wearing just a t-shirt and from the front people would think I had a on some kind of weird furry mini skirt, so though not denuded I do feel it necessary to shape somewhat!
ReplyDeleteGot a wee sporran going on there Siobhan?! Me too!
DeleteAli x
When I last went for the dreaded smear test my sis enquired had I waxed beforehand to which the answer was negative.'Oh' she said 'you want to get that sorted out I bet they don't see many furry ones these days'
ReplyDeleteI felt a bit embarrassed-do you think we are in the minority???
They said that?! That's TERRIBLE!!!! I watched a snippet of a programme about secondary school pupils and their thoughts about sex and sexual attractiveness. They had lots of pictures of real bosoms and one picture of artificially enhanced boobs. They ALL (even the girls) liked the artificial ones best. What is THAT about?!
DeleteI cann't believe that we are in the minority. Honestly. When I was growing up, the closest that you could get to pornography was the Kays Catalogue underwear section. These days it's at the click of a button. So everyone can see that in that industry, hairless is THE look. And it's nothing to do with 'cleanliness' and everything to do with getting the best 'action' shot. Do we really want to buy into that as normal for our daughters?
Not on my watch.
Oh so you're not a cookery blog (see previous comment on cake post!)I have done some research and I say that orgasms are better with hair! Oops can't believe I'm saying that publicly but it's true! A neat trim is a fair compromise.
ReplyDeleteNoooooooo not a cookery blog - I'm a bit rubbish at the cooking, but I'm having a bash at the baking! I don't honestly know what kind of blog it is. A sort of diary blog lol! A bit of a mongrel sort of a blog :-D
DeleteAli x
Please sign me up for the FM Club. I also thought of the Caitlin Moran book and her argument that the current fashion for drastic hair removal came from the porn industry - so the punters could get an unimpeded view of goings on...I really feel I have better things to do with my time than spend it on downstairs trimmage, at the eleventh hour before a beach holiday I grump off to the bathroom, slather my nethers in Immac, sit there reading a book for too long - and live in fear that I may scratch my face and accidentally remove an eye brow...it's all a huge bore in my opinion Bxx
ReplyDeleteYou are henceforth a founder member of the FM Club. Motto - Luff your muff :-)
ReplyDeleteI hate the smell from hair removal creams, plus I hate how the hair goes all wiggly and sad looking. Tis not natural, is it?!
I'll need to get the razor out to trim my hedgerow before heading off to visit friends next week. I may have to Wear A Skirt.....
AX