This is me. And our family dog, Sherry.
Those curtains have followed me my whole life and are currently covering the Ducati in the garage, keeping the cold off Tartarus's precious machine!
Say what you will about the 70s, it was a decade of dubious taste. And a lot of brown.
I decided to write to the girl in the photo:
I'm looking at you now and I wish that I could waft back in time to tell you that everything is going to be ok.
Your thighs are NOT too white and wobbly. Well, they are NOW, but not when you used to stand in front of the bedroom mirror and waggle your legs with a dejected sigh.
You will not get acne. Your skin is so dry that you are spared the horrors of acne, but are rewarded much further down the line with wrinkles. I remember how awful it was for kids with acne in the 70s and am happy with the trade off. No one cares whether you have wrinkles or not when you are hitting 50. But to be afflicted with a sore face at such a tender time of life is the worst cruelty adolescence plays on young people. That, and giving girls bosoms when they are still expected to jog miles around a games field at PE when sports bras haven't been invented yet.
Don't worry about your hair! Sure, it isn't quite the Farah flick or the Purdey cut that everyone else is sporting, but don't worry - hair styles become a lot less tyrannical in later decades. Plus straighteners get invented and that makes your life much nicer. And a Brazilian Blowdry solves all your problems for 3 months at a time. You should, however, start saving now to pay for all the hair colouring that you are going to need because of the grey hair.
Boys. Please stay away from Tartarus. Honestly. I know that he's kinda cute in a bad boy sort of way. Well, as much bad boy as someone studying for 7 highers and wearing spectacles can be. He does get that motorbike and he stands you up outside the Pink Pather Lounge while he goes to buy his first bike. This is the first of many motorbike related jiltings. If you DO stick with him - you get a baby. Who is wonderful. Mostly.
You are about to go off to university. Please, get as much sex as you can. But be careful - there is one night that you DO have sex with your Uni boyfriend and your parents come home and find the evidence down the toilet. Your father never really forgives you for it, so for Christ's sakes, make sure that your condoms are flushed away.
Don't worry about not knowing what you want to do with your life. That never really properly resolves for you, so you might as well just do what takes your fancy! Can you believe it, you are doing a Tarot radio show? I KNOW, life is WEIRD!
Lastly, I want to tell you that you ARE pretty. For the rest of your days you'll never believe that you ARE, but you will always look back to old pictures and see that you WERE.
And if I didn't make myself absolutely crystal clear before: Tartarus. Is. Trouble.
lots of love
Your older self
PS - lay off the kitkats before it's too late.
What would you tell your teenage self?!