25 Oct 2010

Hestia and..the wedding of the year!

Hestia - nervous - but zipped up - HUZZAH!!
So, on her hen night, the Vet announced that she wanted me to do a reading; it could be a 4-liner or a page from Captain Corelli's Mandolin.  I wailed, I pleaded my hormones.  She would not be moved. I opted for the 4 liner.

It was all culminating on Saturday afternoon and 7am on Sat morning saw me more nervous than the bride and more nervous than the Mad Woman From Kilmarnock who got the massive CCM reading to do.

I had to get to the venue early to be the bride's representative to accept the flowers, hyperventilate about the speed with which the tables were being laid out, get the cake in the right place and all that malarkey.

Poor Tertarus just nursed a mug of coffee and helped people upstairs with their cases.

Before we knew where we were, it was 1pm and time to start getting ready for the 3pm wedding.  TMWFK, her hubby and Tertarus and I repaired to my bedroom and got wired in about the Tesco sandwiches that we'd brought (it was going to be a LONG time until the wedding meal and no-one likes to have a rumbly tum!).

By half two we were primped, straightened, ironed and pinned....and looking gorgeous.  We took our places in the front row.

Bride's Sister in Law:  And you are?
Me:  Hestia - very pleased to meet you.
BSIL - Oh yes, I met you at the Vet's on Thursday night! Lovely to see you again!
Me:  I'm afraid I wasn't at The Vet's on Thursday night....must be some other Hestia?
BSIL (turning to TMWFK) And you are?
TMWFK:  The Mad Woman From Kilmarnock - pleased to meet you!
BSIL - ah yes, I met YOU at The Vet's on Thursday
TMWFK - nooooo, not me.
BSIL:  Yes, I did!
TNWFK: Nope, sorry not me.
BSIL I have heard sooooo much about you both (to MWFK) What was your name again?
TMWFK leans over and says to me 'whatever drugs she's on, see if you can steal some out her handbag.'

And then it was suddenly show time!  The music started and in came the Vet looking gorgeous on the arm of her elder brother and she and her beloved stood and faced each other as the Registrar explained what was going to happen.

Then I had to stand up and say my massive reading.  Here it is, in full:

'J M Barrie on love:  If you have it - love -  then you don't need anything else.  If you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you do have.' And there it was.....a fortnight's terror at bursting into tears on that last line wiped out in about 30 seconds!

TMWFK read hers beautifully and with complete control, as I knew she would.

And then The Vet and her man were man and wife and we all whoooped and hollered and were VERY non-Church of Scotland-like in our joy at the Vet securing her man after a long, long search!  The Vet even punched the air!

Wine flowed, speeches were made - in which Hestia figured - being the matchmaker that brought the two love birds together.  Then the bride stood up to recite a funny poem for the groom and when she got to the last line which was 'I've waited my whole life for you', that was me off - weeping and dabbing at my eyes with my heavily starched napkin.  But I wasn't alone, we were all testing our mascara to the max (Can I just say the Dior mascara did not flake or run ALL night - result!).

I caught up with some old veterinary colleagues and am not going let them disappear from my life for another 12 years.

Around midnight I slipped into my default setting of singing Jim Reeves songs in the manner of Elmer Fudd.... altogether now .....'put your sweet wips a wittle cwoser to the phooooone, wet's pwetend that we're togewa aw awone...I asked the man to tuwn the jukebox way down woooooow, and you can tell your friend there wiv you he'wwl have to gooooooo.'

I also fell up the stairs at one point - a heel/hem wardrobe malfunction- nothing at all to do with the G&Ts....honestly.

I also discovered the late night buffet at about 11pm....and sorted myself a massive plate, heaped with of lumps of brie, crackers, bacon, a couple of rolls and 5 bits of wedding cake.  FIVE.  and I ate it all myself!  Methinks the frock will not be zipping up on me again anytime soon!

As the night drew to a close, I hugged the bride and told the groom that if he ever, EVER let her down, I would batter his lights out.  Ah - you can take the girl out of Glasgow, but not the Glaswegian out of the girl....

And then it was over.

My make-up was wiped off, my frock hung up, my gold high heels kicked into the corner.

'Did I look nice?' I asked Tertarus.

'Yes, she did, she was lovely.' he replied, lying on the bed in his pants.

I continue to brush my hair, looking in the mirror.

'No - I said, did *I* look nice today?'  I turned round to see what his reply might be, but he was asleep.
Me, Big N and my shoooooes
Table display - pilfered by yours truly

Me and my pals (pic taken by Tertarus)  Apparently I'm singing some alternative lyrics to Coming Thru The Rye

Can't show you a pic of the bride and groom - cos they will KILL me if I post anything!


  1. I think you look wonderful and how lovely to celebrate a wedding... It is so long since I have been to a wedding...
    Ps Hair twin it's looking very shiny and swingy :) xx
    PPS I have a website for you www.missdixiebelle.co.uk

  2. Ruth - just checked that website out! Love the smalls! Love the blue swimming costume - I might have to buy that!

    Yes - hair was very swooshy at 3pm. A Bit bird's nesty by midnight mind you lol!

    Ali x

  3. So the hard work paid off and you fitted your dress and looked lovely - well done - not looking so hot for me at the moment, but still got a month to go :o

  4. Legend - thanxoffly :-)

    Mrs P - 4 weeks could be 8lb if you went mad and only ate lettuce. Could easily be 4lb though - you'll be FINE!

    Ali x

  5. You looked great, Ali, and it sounded like a really good time.



  6. You look fabby :D Tertarus really doesn't deserve you - I hope you kicked him for being such an unappreciative prat!

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  8. So pleased you had a great time. X

  9. Dear Ali, you look fantastic. Your hair looks great and I love the gold shoes!

    Ohh! I'm still pissed off about not meeting up in London. Please say you're coming back SOON!! I have plans!!... xx

  10. I think you look gorgeous and I havent heard Jim Reeves being mentioned for over 25 years!!!

  11. other people's weddings (much like other people's children) are the best. good job on the 4 lines.

    i was asked to do a reading at my cousin's wedding and just about passed out. apparently everyone thought i was doing the song of solomon in a sexy breathy way. actually, my dress was very tight.

    you look fab! if i'm ever in your neck of the woods, i shall have to really scrub myself up to your metropolitan standards. eek.

  12. Polish Chick - oh God, I don't look this well-groomed every day. I'm usually in jeans (cheap ones!). I'd love to have heard you reciting the Song of Solomon - which IS very sexy for a wedding ;-)

    Mystica - Thank you. As far as the Jim Reeves goes....I have no idea why I lapse into it. Sometimes it's Patsy Cline (Crazy) very badly sung indeed.

    Christina - now that I know how easy it is to get about in London, I'm coming back much more often!

    Ania - he was on his best behaviour at the wedding and just quietly melted in front of me as the bar closed. Not bothered - lots of other people told me I looked lovely. Besides, got dressed up for my lovely pal's big day, not for Tertarus :-)

    SB - the Vet had put a load of thought into it - beautiful little gifts for everyone at the table. I got silver ivy leaf earrings - ivy being one of the main themes of the wedding decor.

    Lori - t'was great. No other events to look forward to now *sigh*

  13. You look great!

    And this also made me laugh and remember reading at my friend's wedding. I did choke up towards the end, as it was only as I walked past her and her beloved and saw how happy they were that it really sank in. And that meant there were tears in my eyes before I even started.

    It's okay though - it shows how much you care (or so I was told)


  14. You look lovely but more importantly as if you are enjoying yourself! X

  15. Ali, you look like a goddess! And I love the fact that you nicked the table setting - that's the kind of classy stunt I pull.

  16. Mrs TNMA - I think the bride might have twigged that I nicked it. But she wuvs me, so it's ok. Thanks for the kind words ;-)

    NS - I did indeed!

    Siobhan - yes, I love her loads and she has waited a long, long time for this.

  17. that looks like quite a party.....I can taste the fun.... am so loving the gold shoes, you'll definately have to start wearing them round the house, too good to hide away!!

  18. THis post has just come up in my reader! how dare it!

    Ali my love, you look GORGEOUS! I am proud of you doing your reading, and i hope you ate, drank and we merry! xxx

  19. BWA HA HA!!! Jim Reeves in the stylee of Elmer Fudd!


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