1 Jun 2012

Hestia and Sonshine, the vandal

I was all set to work on my blog post about last week's Talent Show up at the school (yes, Clean Amy was SINGING, and rather nicely too), but events have overtaken the family from Olympus, dear reader.

Sonshine is not just a ray of sonshine in my life. It transpires that he is also a vandal.

The Meerkat's mother came round for coffee this morning, resplendent in WHITE.  How she keeps everything looking so clean and fresh is totally beyond me, she always looks so together and clean.  I feel like Pigpen next to her!

Anyway, we were scoffing our way through the most DIVINE Jubilee Cupcakes that she'd brought round (should have taken a photo, I know, but the cakes were not so much eaten as inhaled....) when it was clear that she was struggling to tell me something. 

Well, you can't start a sentence with 'I don't know whether I should tell you this but.....oh no, I promised not to say anything,' and think for a MOMENT that I'm not going to pin you to the carpet and threaten to dribble saliva in your face until you actually spill the beans!

Fortunately, she caved before I had to fling her to the carpet.

Brace yourself, reader.

It would seem that after Warhammer last night, when her husband went to pick up the boys, a neighbour to the club told her husband that OUR little darlings had been 'painting outside.'

Well, they often paint outside so that the glue and paint fumes don't turn them into Bez from the Happy Mondays. But further clarification was provided.

This time, they had taken their Warhammer paint and actually sprayed a wall.

With a giant penis.

Evidence for the Prosecution: #1

Tartarus, who was present  (and also eating a cupcake) at the time of the revelation, sprang upright, coiled like a spring, his rising fury a thing to behold.

'It's alright,' the Meerkat's mother assured us, 'The Meerkat's father is on the case.  He'll be round on Saturday morning with lots of thinners to pick up Sonshine and to get them to scrub it off the wall.'

Reader, the SHAME of it!

I've never so much as scribbled a name on a toilet wall, never mind taken a can of paint and sprayed a huge penis upon a wall, in public.  Or in private.

Actually, now that I think about it, I do recall writing some deeply uncharitable things about an ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend in the lavvy cubicle of the student union. But she deserved it.  And I found my own name on there too, so we were each giving as good as we got.  And to be fair to us both, there was a LOT of other graffiti scribbled in there.  A fascinating way to spend an hour - reading the walls of the union bar ladies loos.

But that is neither here nor there.

My 11 year old son not only grafitti-ed a wall, but he chose to do it with a massive DICK.  We are incandescent.  I am behind Tartarus 100%.

In fact, I am SO keen for Sonshine to understand the ramifications of his actions that I have arranged for the biggest, scariest policeman on the island (currently off his work with a bad ankle) to come round to the house, in uniform, to talk about what has happened.  He has been primed to be in total Strathclyde Police serious mode.  THAT should ensure that it doesn't happen again.  There will be tears.  Probably mine.

oh the SHAME, the SHAME....

On a brighter note, Nibbles is still alive.  But one of the goldfish (Adolf, we think) has died.  He has been buried with due pomp and ceremony in a tuna can.  Which was strangely appropriate, don't you think?

Hope you all have a marvellous weekend and please, if you have any stories of your children's criminal past, please share - it will make me feel better.


  1. It is very juvenile, but I laughed.

    I think you are completely right, and I understand the shame, and a recall being FURIOUS when my sister did something similar, but I still laughed.

    The scary policeman act should sort him out. And don't worry, you are bringing him up too well for him to ever be a bad kid really.

  2. LM- I harbour nightmarish visions of him sniffing lighter fuel and drinking hairspray.....

  3. It reminds me of my own childhood foray into the criminal underworld. Always one to follow what others were doing, I was pusuaded to help nick a crate of ginger ale from the back of the local pub. Apart from making ourselves sick by drinking it all, we had a visit from the local bobby who explained my transgression to my Dad, who was understandably upset. Lesson learned.

    1. I hope this does the trick, Wally. But the apple does not fall far from the tree and while I am the very model of social responsibility, Tartarus has had a more....chequered....road to social awareness. I am hoping Sonshine is more like me in this respect than his father. Although his father would be the first to admit that it was all Damned Good Fun at the time.

  4. tricky....they're all going to do things it just depends what level they get to....my son's ADHD kept him out of the group and therefore out of the loop for joint bad behaviour ....lot of windows got smashed at home though but I became a dab hand with the putty....when I was at school we moved from room to room for different classes....I once spent a whole term sitting at a desk for English Lit. upon which had been expertly drawn, in graphic detail, a naked man standing in profile, with a fully and somewhat scary erection!!!xx

  5. I think the scary policeman should do the trick. I hope you can still enjoy the weekend.

  6. ooooh, I could tell you some tales.... *lol* (about me, not darling daughter)

    He'll be fine...give him a rollocking, let scary policeman sort him out and he probably wont do it again.

    He's just testing the boundaries to see what he can get away with...just let him know you have eyes in the back of your head and spies everywhere ;)

    And dont be hard on yourself...tis not your fault xxx

  7. Thank you Mr. Dos Santos! I'm still so green in this art thing that I'll wait (and work my tail off whhile doing so) before I establish any kind of a web presence. But in the near future, when I've cranked out enough decent pieces for a portfolio, I'm going to follow these instructions of yours.
    glitter tattoos

  8. Thank you Mr. Dos Santos! I'm still so green in this art thing that I'll wait (and work my tail off whhile doing so) before I establish any kind of a web presence. But in the near future, when I've cranked out enough decent pieces for a portfolio, I'm going to follow these instructions of yours.
    glitter tattoos

  9. oh no - have deleted TSB's comment in error and yet these two spam ones are still there!!! WTF is going on with blogger?

  10. Oh my goodness. I've been deleted. Has somebody been sprinkling Ali's computer with holy water?

    I only mentioned that Ali shouldn't worry. My own dear lad was up on charges of fiddling with older student's gentials, so a little bit of graffiti isn't too bad in comparison.

    Give him a gentle whipping and have Kevin give him a severe talking to. Tell him if he doesn't improve he'll end up as a chief engineer on a boat in the Gulf of Mexico, hiding from Consuela and Jesus.

  11. Hardly the next Banksie, is he? Tsk, tsk.

  12. You know all about my DS' criminal tendencies already so I will confess that I once got a biker gang tossed out and banned from a pub for putting my fag out on their carpet. (Well, I was only 15 and going through a rebellious phase :D)

  13. Its hard not to giggle, but I'd be upset if my own little darling had done this, especially in a small community where doubtless everyone knows. The policeman thing sounds like a really good idea. I am a big fan of Sonshine, and I'm sure this is just an expression of his boundless youthful exuberence (spelling?) and not the beginning of a descent into a life of crime - he's a good lad! xxx


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