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| 10 of Swords Rider Waite Smith Tarot Published by US Games Systems Yes, am available for readings :-) |
It may come as a surprise to you, reader, to know that not everything is CONSTANTLY rosy here in the Home of The Gods. Tartarus can be....tricky..... and I can revert to teenager mode at the drop of a hat. Or hormone. And you've seen what Sonshine is capable of.
Anyway, I thought I'd see what I could do to improve things between us and bought a couple of books on Making Your Relationship Work. The first one is The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work.
According to my bookshelves, I'm VERY keen on anything that touts 'Seven...anything' - Habits of Successful People, Successful Ways to Rear a Boy, Brides for Seven Brothers....oh yes, I've got 'em all.
Anyway, I started reading it on Friday morning and by Friday evening, I came to the realisation that our relationship was doomed: My arguments involved 'harsh start-ups' and a lot of criticism and slagging off. I resolve immediately to Change.
'One of the principles we have discovered that can make your marriage work,' intoned the book 'is that when you feel like stabbing your other half to death, you conjure up memories of why you loved him in the first place.' Clearly, I'm paraphrasing. My OWNrelationship counselling book will be called 'Seven Ways To Stop Stabbing Your Husband To Death.' It will be on the New York Times Best-seller list for EVER. I will probably write it when I am banged-up for Tartarus's demise.
Draw up a chair, dear Reader, this tale takes some time.
We are in Glasgow. We have a child-free evening ahead of us. We are overnighting in a hotel. We are theatre-bound. It's going to be fun.
We are sitting, propped up on the bed, cups of tea in hand, watching the endless sport loop on the hotel TV.
'You know when I feel like stabbing you to death?' I venture. It's no secret. He knows it.
'Uh-huh.'
'Well, apparently if I can conjure up some warm-fuzzy feelings from nice things that you've done in the past, our relationship won't end in a messy break up. Or the High Court. So, I've been thinking of some of the lovely things that you've done for me, and for other people, and it has stopped me from wanting to kill you at least once already.'
'Great.'
'So, what warm-fuzzies would you be able to dredge up for me, for when YOU want to stab ME to death,' I sip on my hot tea and stare at him expectantly.
'I never feel like stabbing you to death though,' he countered.
'Well, getting on your bike and buggering off somewhere on your own then.' Sip. Silence.
'Anything at all will do.....' I add hopefully.
Silence.
'Can't you think of anything? Not one nice redeeming thought about me?'
'Erm. No. I hate these things. I hate it when you ask me questions,' he sighs.
'So, we've known each other since we were 16 years old. And you can't think of ONE nice thing? In 30 years?!'
He shuffles uncomfortably on the duvet.
I sip my tea and silently seethe. Can reading a relationship book actually PROMPT divorce proceedings?
** Note: It is now Wednesday and I have asked him EVERY day. He still cannot think of anything redeeming. Oh - I lie. He suggested that me making him a cup of tea in the morning would do the trick. ** Not for me it won't.
Use the book as tinder to light the bonfire to burn Tartarus' corpse.
ReplyDeleteGood idea - that may happen. Can you provide an alibi for me for that day please?
DeleteAX
Probably a good thing he didn't say "cleaning the kitchen bin before I come home" then ;) xx
ReplyDeleteaha! He hasn't mentioned the kitchen bin this time. I made sure to clean the lid, even on the inside *proud face* :-D
Deleteha ha books like that are generally a load of old codswallop. I like the idea of it being tinder, maybe not to burn hubbies body though(although it did make me giggle - I'm going to Hell I know)Sorry Tartarus, nothing personal. x
ReplyDeleteDon't worry Butterfly, he takes nothing personally. Even throwing the odd plate is blamed on 'hormones' rather than anything HE might have done :-D
DeleteAli x
Oh men just can't cope with that sort of conversation, and if they can its because they a) are gay or b) fancy you and thus are lying. If Tartarus wanted to discuss his complex and deeply interesting feelings you'd probably be horrorfied and you'd be giving the Ducati a harsh start up ..... or is that just me? xxx
ReplyDeleteTartarus is absolutely rubbish at that sort of conversation and you are probably right about the a) and b) thing. It's impossible to give the Ducati a harsh start up. It's beautiful. Yes, even *I* think that :-D
DeleteI'd rather just stab mine. He used to buy me nice things but even conjuring up thoughts of him coming home with Louis Vuitton carrier bags, no longer cuts it.
ReplyDelete*hands her a knife* Welcome to the Jaggy Knives Wives Club, Mrs Fab!
DeleteAli, that is soooo depressing. If he can't verbalize things, ask him to write them down. If that doesn't work, well, I don't have to spell it out.
ReplyDeleteNow Wally, you're a man. When Mrs Legend asks you these awkward questions - do you answer? Can you answer? Is it just generic to tune these sorts of conversations out?
DeleteBut if you CAN communicate emotions, does this mean that Mrs Legend never needs to actually ASK these questions in the first place?!
As most of my good friends are women, I've had lots of practice.
DeleteI know a lot of men that just can't though.
That's the thing... having female friends. They soon draw you out.
DeleteHahahaha, that words 'He's a Scottish man' spring to mind. They are uniquely non-verbal creatures.
ReplyDeleteIf I ask Dave if an outfit looks ok or something, the answer is generally 'it looks fine.' FINE?! How about, 'You look lovely'? how hard is it? I have given up.
Do you think that it is the Scottish thing?
DeleteI know that I've never been in a working man's pub in England that can hold a candle to the working manniness of many pubs in Scotland. Maybe it really isn't in Scottish men to be communicative about their feelings. Maybe Mrs E is right, above, and I would be appalled if Tartarus started being emotional!
Grin and bear it, LM - that's all we can do!
He still loves you, he hasn't changed his mind, he accepts you for who and what you are, knows enough to get on the motorcycle and leave to cool down and always seems to find his way back home. I think many men would be hard pressed to come up with an answer...and don't be surprised if that relationship book disappears. It just means he lives in the present and I bet money that he can't dredge up a bad thing to say either. I still think gender is a dimension - just sayin'
ReplyDeleteCheryl - is he paying you?!!! Seriously, I think you've got a point here. He does, consistently, say that he never feels like doing away with me....and you are so right about him living in the present.
DeleteI often ask him what he's thinking about when he is sitting in bed with a cup of tea and he just motions his hand along, like a flatline. Nothing. He can sit in bed and think about absolutely nothing.
Ali x
Good thing the book is not knife-shaped, though you could still give him a nasty paper cut with it, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteThere ARE lots of good things in it, which I AM planning on trying out. Secretly. It could always serve as a cosh :-)
DeleteAX
So, saying nice things is not one of the warm-fuzzies you can think about when you feel like murdering him. Now get back to what those warm-fuzzies are. The book didn't say he had to feel them, or be able to express them, just that you did, so take your wins where you find them ;)
ReplyDeleteOf course, you are absolutely right, Chloe! It was just that when the couples got to the end of their tethers, the therapy worked by encouraging them to express warm fuzzies about each other. Maybe if he never gets to the end of his tether about me, then he's not required to dredge them up!
DeleteI should take my wins where I find them, you're right! Could that count towards your client hours?!
Ha ha, I wish :) Hope things are going a bit more smoothly now?
DeleteSuch books are dangerous. Burn immeditely and forget all that you've read.
ReplyDeleteLook, Tartarus said quite clearly "I never feel like stabbing you to death though"
See?
He lives in a constant stae of warm fuzziness towards you, and that's why he can't remember a single instance, he can't see a single tree in a forest.
Be nice.
Be grateful,
Bring him a cup of tea in bed.
TSB - you're also a man. What do you do if (when?!) Mrs TSB tells you that she could happily run you through with a kitchen implement? Do you verbalise your emotions? Do you just buy her something nice or do something kind for her?
DeleteAli x
Hmm...*thinks deeply*
DeleteRun.
Then go and buy her something nice...like a new Food Mixer.
BTW if you like those articles with "Seven steps..." in them, try,
http://twistedscottishbastard.blogspot.co.nz/2010/06/extra-seven-habits-of-successful.html
Go and give him a cuddle. you know you want to.
I totally get what you're saying. I am in pretty much the same position as we speak.
ReplyDeleteSo! My advice is to get rid of him. (This happens to be the same advice I give myself.) After all, he probably drives you mad, doesn't understand you, you feel like you've outgrown him on every level, he bores and/or irritates you, and the times when he is away are somehow nicer than when he is around ...
YET.
It isn't ALL bad. You can still stomach it. He can actually be quite nice, in his own way. You have so many years together under the belt that it would seem somehow ... strange and foolish ... to upset the apple cart. Plus! Would you be able to get a mortgage without him? How the fuck would you make a living? Who would get what? Where to next? And who really wants to be single again, right now, today?
So you let it pass. And another year rolls by.
It's called 25+ years of marriage.
I fucking hate it.
LOVE you, though!
Anonymous - are you living inside my head?! That is the nail, hit right on the HEAD, right there.
DeleteAli x
I gave up on all of that years ago preferring to look at it from the point of view of "saying or doing". Lots of guys would say nice things, including 'I love you' but they still behaved like absolute shits. My husband does kind and meaningful things, remembers details and shows his love and support by actions. i occasionally ask "do you still love me?" and get back "what do you mean, still?". He, too, is a Scottish man after all!
ReplyDeleteDaisydot - for sure! I agree with you - I have a friend whose husband was always quick with the words and the bouquets of flowers....but was constantly philandering. He is now an Ex-husband.
DeleteTartarus does show his love and support by actions. Scottish men! Can't live with 'em....can't live with 'em lol!
Ali x