10 Jul 2012

Hestia's knitting hell continues

Hideous, but achievable

It was all going rather smoothly this time.  I had sussed the pattern and I was keen to show off my new lace-knitting skills to Juno (my mother).

On the ferry to the mainland I casually decided to knit a couple of rows.  Unperturbed by Andy Murray giving it his all on the ferry (yes, we have telly on the ferry), I began to knit.

Two rows later, it was looking promising for Murray and myself.  Not wanting to push my luck, I tidied it all away and read a magazine.  I felt oddly serene and at one with the world.  Knitting is good meditative practise, thought I.

Just under two hours later, I have decanted everything from the car (including the hamster) and we are relaxing with a small libation. The tennis is still on, although the score has started to swing towards Federer.

I am hating this affable Swiss chap.  He stands between Scotland and Sporting Glory.  Which we have precious little of in this country.

I decide to break out the knitting again.  I waft it proudly in Juno's face.  'oh yes, very nice, dear,' and she turns her attentions to Wimbledon.

With hindsight, dear reader, I should not have attempted a row while the tennis was reaching fever pitch.  With hindsight, I should have taken myself off to another room and sat in monastic silence, clacking my needles together and repeating my mantra ('knit two, slip one, knit one, slide that over, knit two'....) and never raise my eyes to poor Murray.

Because it came to pass that by the time I reached the end of that row, I was several stitches adrift.

A low wail and a hastily muffled profanity arose from my corner of the sofa, alerting Juno to the fact that her daughter's knitting was not going well.

Gamely, she picked back the row as best she could, but it was no use.  I would reach a certain point in re-knitting the row and it all went tits up: straight bits developed holes and holes that SHOULD have been there closed over for EVER.  It looked like Vivienne Westwood on acid.  And I don't mean the drug.

I took myself off to a quiet room and slowly unpicked the NEXT row (the last one that I did on the ferry).  Maybe the problem was there?  Who knows whether it was, because instead of 86 stitches, I was now down to a paltry 79.

The tennis ended and Juno brought me a glass of wine.  She asked no questions and I never raised my eyes from the increasing pile of splitting wool.

Honest to God, I was THIS close *brings fingers close together* to bursting into tears.  There was nothing else for it.  I had to rip it back to the ribbing.  AGAIN.

Eyes stinging, fingers numb from wrestling with tiny, splitting bubbles of stitch-work, I rejoined Juno and Sonshine.  Murray, equally red-eyed and wobbly of voice said his piece after the match.  I could have hugged him.  I shared his pain. We tried. We really, really tried.  And we were found wanting.  Him with his raquet and me with my size 4 needles.  Together we struggled to hold back our tears - his from coming SO close to sporting glory, mine from dropping 7 unfindable stitches.

'You just knit like Auntie Mima,' said my mother sagely.

Auntie Mima.  A woman whose colour sense baffled all who knew her.  My memory dredges up images of bright orange and lime green scratchy wool jumpers with necks so tight that your ears were throbbing scarlet from the struggle to get your head through.  And once on, only a pair of scissors could get you out.

'You mean, I can't knit?'

Juno looked thoughtfully over her glasses at me:  'I think,' she said carefully, 'that your skills may lie in other areas.'

I think she's right.

24 comments:

  1. sometimes, in the interest of mental health, it is okay to move on. you have soldiered on bravely, nay, heroically, and i am certain that some here will tell you to keep it up, but not i, dear ali, not i. i am detecting a slight edge of hysteria in your knitting related posts and i think it's okay to step away from the needles now and, as a justly earned reward for all your toil and trouble, buy yourself a gorgeous little shrug on etsy or another purveyor of pretty things of your choice.

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    1. I may end up at Etsy because the knitting is STILL not going smoothly :-(

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  2. LOL you are doing fine, it's all a learning experience - and not just the knitting ;-)

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    1. It is NEVER going to be finished in time for the wedding. Had to pick back another two rows because there was a vanished stitch *fed up face*

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  3. Sounds like Juno was remarkably supportive in the face of your pain :) I'm impressed you're even trying this stuff! Sounds like my current attempts to scan documents - first the computer doesn't recognise the scanner, then the scanner won't boot, then the whole thing fails half way through the third page. I guess at least I don't get blisters from it, though :D

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    1. Oh yes, I get trouble like that with scanners too! I'm forever scanning pix and then discovering that they're in a format that I can't use and then can't find how to transform them into a useable format! The modern world - and knitting - is sent to try us!

      Ali x

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  4. Bring it with you. You and Carolyn can struggle together. Lots of wine to console both of you.

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    1. I need to have it completed by 18 August. I'f I'm still knitting it in 2013 when I see you and the rest of the Legends....there will be trouble. And probably a visit to an asylum ;-)

      AX

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  5. Dear Hestia, I can't get on with knitting either, I mean as a child, I used to like sitting there doing it, but it never actually got made into anything...same with that dolly bobbing knitting thing - yards of the stuff, never made into anything, only useful if you are are going into business as homely deadly assassin ("garotting with brighty orange knit a speciality"). But more importantly are you going to visit Wally B?? Tell All!

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    1. Sonshine has crocheted a long thin chain about a mile and a half long in multicoloured wool. We have no idea what to do with it. I think I'll show him how to do that dolly bobbing thing. Should keep him entertained for a tiny portion of the summer hols!

      Hopefully visiting Wally next year as part of my Turning 50 treats to myself. Am also planning on visiting with other blogging pals in various parts of the country/world - if you're up for it!

      Ali x

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  6. Your Mum is very diplomatic.

    It sounds like your knitting is on a par with my gardening skills.

    My commiserations.

    PS I still suggest Marks and Spencer.

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    1. Yeah - I think it might be M&S because I've had enough of this S&M!!!!


      Ali x

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  7. You CAN do it, but stick to chunky stuff with big needles, so that (a) it knits up quickly and (b) you can see what you are doing until you get confident :)

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    1. I'm still making mistakes and it DOES get you down. Managing about two rows per day. Should be knitted by a year on Saturday :-)

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  8. As ther great Brian Clough once said "I can forgive, but I can't knit."

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    1. Cloughy was clearly a man after my own heart. But I'm also a bit shit at the forgiving bit too!

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  9. My great aunt used to say, "All GOOD knitters rip."

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    1. Well, I must be one of the greatest knitters on the planet because I've done some power of ripping! :-D

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  10. No, no, don't give up - lace patterns are difficult and I find myself singing the pattern in my head as I go.... I couldn't possibly watch an exciting tennis match at the same time! You need a repeat of Midsomer Murders LOL!

    Didn't Andy do well? His interview with Sue Barker was totally disarming. Like your knitting, his best days are yet to come! xxx

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    1. Andy did REALLY well and I hope that people see that he's just a bloke doing his best. He's not blessed with the best people skills - hopefully this ushers in a new era of support for him.

      I can't even listen to music with lyrics when I'm knitting this or I end up in a terrible pickle!

      I am going to persevere, Mrs E!

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  11. My mum would say something like that to me. I have soldiered on with knitting though and kind of like it now, but I need to start doing it again. It is too muggy now but it will be cold again soon!

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    1. We've actually had nice weather today!! The 12th of July and it's our first nice day for WEEKS!

      Get knitting!

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  12. I find myself in agreement with the polish chick on this. Remember the old adage "The strong give up and move on, but the weak give up and stay". Or something like that. But as I can't actually knit anything wearable either I may not be the best person to be giving advice.
    Alternatively, follow Mrs. Exeter and only knit whilst watching Midsomer Murders. Or Murder, She Wrote.

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    1. Annie - i cannot give up - tis now a matter of principle!

      Ali x

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