|How difficult? I'll TELL YOU HOW DIFFICULT!!!|
I have neglected you dear reader *
I feel as if I have been knitting for hours. No - DAYS! I feel as if I've been knitting for DAYS and this is because I actually HAVE been knitting for days.
But I have only a measily 10 cm of ribbing to show for it. But I have actually knitted enough to comfortably pave the road between here and the Pyramids. And back.
Y'see, I've got a wedding in August and I thought that it would be a good idea to knit myself a little shrug to go with the lovely dress that I treated myself to last weekend.
I began knitting on Thursday and all was going well on the 10 cm of ribbing until the increase row. Which I made a complete arse of (holes!) and so I ripped back to the beginning.
I got to the same point again and then discovered that I had the wrong number of stitches on my needles. I ripped back to the beginning.
I got to the pattern, and then discovered that MY version of plain and purl stitches is not like the REAL version. I have discovered that I cannot knit. More youtube. More ripping back to the start, more very careful knitting and the odd choked cry.....
I manage to get to the pattern, but it so utterly bamboozled me (wtf is yrn?!) and despite numerous excellent youtube videos, I could see that my pattern looked bugger all like the pattern I was supposed to be knitting.
I ripped everything out again.
By lunchtime, I was getting to the weepy stage as I approached the end of the ribbing stage for the MILLIONTH time with mounting dread. My patient Day-Carer who is an excellent knitter came for coffee and worked out the pattern on different needles and showed me what to do. I became excited at the prospect of the pattern..... I put it aside until the evening.
I have not only learned that I cannot knit properly, but I have also learned that I cannot knit and watch Dynamo the Magician on the TV. I had to rip back THREE rows TWICE because I became engrossed in his amazing magic tricks. My temper is now shorter than Cheryl Cole's frocks.
Ripping back a few rows might sound like nothing, but my yarn is made up of a million miniscule fibres and picking up the stitches has been a fucking headache. Literally. Pardon my French.
I put the knitting aside and decided to wait until today to try the increase row and The Pattern.
At 9am I carefully got through my increase row this morning and looked over the youtube videos mid morning to make sure that I was winding my wool the right way and all that jazz....
And I've made a total farking ARSE of it every time I've gone near it. My head is spinning. I have sore bits on the tips of my fingers. My yarn is fraying. As are my nerves.
Even when I recite the actual pattern 'knit three, yarn forward, slip one, knit one, slip that early one off, then knit two,' it has still turned out wrong. Much ripping out has taken and I have JUST discovered after my most recent attempt to finish my ribbing, that I have been using a fucking size 3 1/4 needle in one hand and the FOUR in the other when trying to bring my ribbing back up to the ominous increase row.
I WILL NOT BE BEATEN BY A POXY BALL OF WOOL AND SOME KNITTING PATTERN!!!!
I will try again later, but in the meantime....... *turns face to wall, rocks back and forward and chatters softly to herself*
btw - here's a link to the goddamned pattern if you are interested in seeing how RUBBISH I am at this knitting thing.
* And to top a PERFECT day, now my formatting has gone to hell.....