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| Susan Sarandon gets fainty too I have hair very much like Magenta *sad face* |
I don't like veins.
I can't watch videos of the Stereophonics' Kelly Jones singing because he's got a vein that positively THROBS when he's straining to sing. And that's all the time.
Anyway, Nursey tried my right arm first and things looked promising, so I studiously fixed my gaze on the ambulances outside the window. Never has ambulance livery been so conscientiously studied.
Nurse: oh dear
Me: Problem?
Nurse: You're hanging on to your blood this morning, aren't you?
Me: Would you like me to go outside and jog up and down the car park?
Nurse: noooooo we'll just use your other arm.
I shift my gaze to the other side of the room, finding the Sexually Transmitted Diseases poster hugely interesting and keep my gaze away from the nurse, who is now standing. That's disconcerting.
Nurse: Oh dear, not a good start to the day! *laughs heartily* Can't get your blood out of this vein either!
Me *laughing weakly* will you need access to another bit of my anatomy. I have now turned to look at her, not realising that she's still trying to get blood out of me. Ooopsie. Too late!
Nurse: Ah THERE we go.
Me *thinking* oh dear. Oh deary dear. I focus on my right hand as much as I can - apparently looking at your own body helps with these things. I can assure you that's a lot of crap. Stars began to dance before my eyes. And not the celebrity BBC1 kind.
Nurse: That's you. All done!
Me: Thank you. I feel a bit peculiar. Could I have a..... *silence*
Nurse: glass of water?
Me: Yes. Please *thinking* DO NOT FAINT. DO NOT FAINT.
I did not faint. But I did sit quietly with my head on the keyboard for a bit when I got down to The Boss. I could not even eat my scone and jam (no cream. I am low fat. I hate it)
THE CAKE THAT CAUSED ALL THE GALLSTONE TROUBLE.....uploaded from Sonshine's DS. You'd better get your best *impressed face* ready :-)
That's supposed to be Mario the plumber in the middle of the cake. Sonshine's idea.
THINGS SONSHINE HAS SAID THIS WEEK
Mum, the moon is bouncing of your skin like a boy off a trampoline.
What does erotic mean?
Why is my pee-pee standing up like this?
ULTRASOUND - Don't let them fool you. It IS painless, but you might want to punch the radiographer in the face because it is not pleasant having someone leaning down on your sternum. It is also impossible to breath in, hold your breath AND stick your tummy out. There may have been a small fart escape moment. None of us mentioned it.
Results of ultrasound and blood tests will be with Doctor next week. Can hardly wait. Am on low-fat diet in the meantime. I am not happy about it. I also seem to have put weight ON since all this started. Which does not seem fair, does it?
NEW COOKBOOKS - Lots of love to Ania for sending me The Scottish Kitchen (National Trust for Scotland) that she found in a charity shop. It is full of recipes that need lard. I love it :-)
Also got a great wee book called The Flavour Thesaurus which I will provide a teeny tiny review at some point.
That's it from me just now - have fabulous weekend. And, if you've got low-fat recipes that taste full-fat and don't require Iranian Lemons or grated unicorn horn, please let me know.
A little something for the weekend....ladies and gennlemen, I give you...the fainting goats:
I think I have loads of low fat recipes somewhere - please ask for them.
ReplyDeleteAnd blood tests do suck. I had one shortly before I met M for the first time that left me looking like I'd been beaten up, specifically on my arms. I get them quite regularly (ick) but that one was particularly bad, when she had to get to a third needle, and when she asked "Do you bruise easily?"
Basically, I sympathise.
I would also love to hear your replies to Sonshine.
I'm trying to put one of your other medical posts out of my mind now as I am about to have more tests. You write about them in a way that is both funny and painful.
Siobhan - don't listen to ME!!!! I'm a Leo, it's in our blood to say that all our geese are actually swans :-)
ReplyDeleteLast smear was absolutely fine!
If you are having a transvaginal ultrasound scan - it's absolutely fine. It's a bit weird having a thing stuck up your chuff that's basically like a gaming joystick - but honestly not sore or even uncomfortable. But you do feel like an X-box 360 :-D
Ali xxxxx
You poor thing! I hate blood tests because I always pass out. Fingers crossed it's a positive outcome and you can start eating normally again soon.
ReplyDeleteI should've realised you collected recipe books, I'll keep my eyes peeled for obscure ones when I'm out and about. xxx
Man up!
ReplyDeletexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Di - I felt sooooo stupid - I never faint. NEVER.
ReplyDeleteVix - you're VERY kind!
AX
ali, worry not. you have maintained your perfect never fainting score. i actually wish i *did* faint. it's the almost fainting but not fainting that sucks. you feel like shit and can't even escape to unconsciousness. mr. monkey, on the other hand, faints all the bloody time, my manly man!
ReplyDeletei usually find i'm fine with blood tests provided i don't ever once look at the needle inside me. if i do, then i almost faint and feel like crap.
re: sonshine quotes, are you perchance a vampire? one of the sparkly modern ones? and yes, please tell us what you told him because we need to know. it is imperative.
re: cake, wow! that's like a professional cake! i've never made a cake with one of those foldy icings on the outside. duly impressed!
and those goats have kept me laughing for many an hour. thanks!
Where on earth did you find those goats??I suppose one shouldn't laugh but...its a good job they're not sheep as(here's a random fact)if they fall over they cant get back up and can DIE.Farmers have to check them during the night to mack sure none have croaked.
ReplyDeleteHope you're OK BTW x
Northern Snippet is right there I panic when I see a pregnant sheep on its back as I know I have to find the farmer...
ReplyDeleteAli I can stop laughing sorry ... I am also a Leo .. who would have guessed :)
I hate scans especially internal ones.. not nice xx
Nice cake and well done for not falling over - good luck with the results next week. Love Sonshine's boy on a trampoline comment, he's obviously inherited your descriptive skills.
ReplyDeleteMy source for low fat recipes that don't involve Iranian lemons or anything else that can't be found around here is the cookbook "Appetite for reduction" not the greatest name and it is vegan but very delicious end results.
ReplyDeleteDear Ali, they can never find my veins either. Glad you didn't actually faint but I bet loads of people do so they're used to it.
ReplyDeleteScones without cream just won't do. I'd have to pass.
My best tip for filling yourself up is to drink Miso soup - Can you get that there? Clearspring do an instant one you can order online or Marigold Vegetable Bouillon works too. Drink one or two cups and you won't feel so hungry.
Have a good weekend, love C xx
I looked like those goats coming out of the pub last night.
ReplyDeleteBe careful with the low fat thing, as the body needs fat to digest many fat soluble vitamins. I make a lovely salad dressing made from low fat yoghurt, Dijon mustard and olive oil. I'll send you some recipes when I get home.
LOL The book's not from a charity shop - it's brand spanking new (apart from me delving through it for a quick drool :D
ReplyDeleteAnother umm - the word verification for this message appears to be bustrub
I sympathise with the difficult blood collection, it's always worse on a cold day. in a previous incarnation I worked as a Lab. Technician, drawing blood and testing many types of biological samples.
ReplyDeleteAt least it wasn't a GTT, where they need 4 samples over 2 hours.
The worst I've ever heard about was in the 70s. when a mate of mine got pissed at lunchtime and then went on duty for the blood bank. His first patient ended up with an arm like a dart board. I think she knew that something was not right when he began to try (unsuccessfully) to get blood from her knee.
I think he lives in Tasmania now.
TSB - after reading your comment, I am profoundly grateful that my experience wasn't worse.
ReplyDeleteAnia - so sorry about that! I knew the book was brand new, but had just assumed that you'd spotted it in a charity shop. I've got charity shops on the brain at the moment!
Legend - there is NO danger of me cutting out fats completely. I like my biscuits too much for that!
Christina - Miso soup? I think I've got miso somewhere. Probably unused. Does it taste of cat pee?
Implausible - love your blog! Will check out the book you suggest, thank you :-)
TNMA - thank you! His descriptive powers are much better than mine, not being, as yet, ridiculed by a teacher in front of the whole class as I was!
Ruby - yes, sheep on their back need rescuing, not laughed at. Although my entire farming knowledge comes from Thomas Hardy books....
NS - I enjoy the goats, I put them up a while back, but thought they were germane to the blog post lol!
Polish Chick - I only ate one tiny bit of that whole cake. Gave some of it away and, mysteriously, bits seemed to have been eaten when *someone* came in from school (does not look at Sonshine whilst typing this).
AX