Since I was the only customer in the shop, I couldn't HELP but overhear their conversation which went EXACTLY like this. Honest to God. Not a single Hestia-inspired embellishment, cross my heart and hope for gallstone pain.
Specs: I might pop up and see Hobble this afternoon.
Pearls: Why? What's up with Hobble?
Specs: She's been in and had to get a new hip. AND she might need to get a new knee.
Pearls and Fur Coat make clucking, caring noises.
Fur Coat: And why is this the first time I have heard about this?
Specs shakes her head. Maybe you weren't in here when we were told?
Pearls *in conspiratorial tones* You know Brooch?
Specs and Fur Coat murmur their assent
Pearls continues: Well, SHE went in for a new hip and SHE was told there was something wrong with her shin bone too. AND THEY BROKE HER SHIN BONE AND RE-SET IT!!!
Specs makes shocked noises and begins to cash up the till. It is not even midday.
By this time I have worked my way around to the handbags and am studying a nice leaf green one that might be quite useful. I spot a navy blue one that is capacious but does look a bit 'old lady'. I fiddle with the clips, testing them for durability for potential Nintendo DS stuffing.
Specs sighs and looks out at people wandering by, making the most of the remains of the morning. 'Anyway. I might pop along to the bakers and get a wee cake for Hobble and I this afternoon'.
Fur Coat: Are you going to go up to see Hobble?
Specs: Yes. I'll get my washing hung out and then go.
Fur Coat: Why are you going up to see Hobble?
Specs: Because she's had a new hip and might need a new knee.
Fur Coat *indignant*: And why is this the first time I have heard about this?
Reader, I just put the two handbags back on the hook and backed out of the shop as the three of them once again launched into their discussion of new knees and hips.
*shoot me now*
I have to work with 250 of them. Doom.
ReplyDeleteI've been meeting a lot of crinklies this week. Conversations usually start with, "stop me if I've already told you this", but of course you never do.
ReplyDeleteThats hilarious, my grand mother was like that we had to out a sign over her fire when she moved house saying that it was not a real fire but a gas fire so not to throw her cigarettes in xx
ReplyDeleteIt's like having the same conversation on a loop when I visit my Mum. I swear that one of these days I'll just record it the first time around and play it back every 10 minutes for the duration of the visit :(
ReplyDeleteMy own mum is getting a bit like this too. I can't decide whether she has just tuned me out the first time because she finds it boring and it *is* the first time she's heard me. She always manages conversations about Josh Groban and John Edward (the medium chappie) perfectly fine. I suspect it's just me....
ReplyDeleteIt's all ahead of us gang!!
AX
Dear Ali, oh God! Is it all ahead of us! My memory's terrible already! I hope I don't repeat myself too often.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you didn't get to buy anything. Hope you're ok and have a lovely week xx
I do love overhearing a surreal charity shop conversation, I swear everyone of the volunteers is a nutter or derranged in some way.
ReplyDeleteI was in my favourite Saklly Army one the other day when the manager whispered to me, "want to see something?", flipped her skirt up and showed me some waist high yellow nylon pants with the legend "Cock Pit" emblazoned across the crotch. Smashing! xxx
Speaking as a crinkly, I've got to say that life is a lot more fun when you get to where you can say what you think (or even what you don't think but amuses you) and not be confined to what other, younger people approve of. ;-)
ReplyDeleteThis is both funny and a bit sad. My nana is beginning to forget things, so every phonecall contains the last four weeks worth of news, three of which i have already heard.
ReplyDeleteCharity shop old ladies are a breed apart though!
One day someone will be having this same exact conversation about you... if that makes you feel better? On the other hand I have heard some of the dirtiest jokes from little old ladies.
ReplyDeleteha. i would have smacked her for saying "for hobble and i" instead of "for me and hobble" but then again, i am a grammar nazi, so there you have it.
ReplyDeletei think i'm totally like that anyhow. i just know i'm on endless repeat and i cannot stop myself.
PC - conversation's a bit like that though, isn't it? Not always grammatically correct. I'm sure you're NOT on endless repeat, but one day we WILL be lol!
ReplyDeleteImplausible Yarn - yep, I reckon it's not so far away. I put the new loaf into the fridge instead of the bread-bin on top of the fridge....
LM - This particular charity shop doesn't ever get anything from me because I turned up last summer with a box full of Sonshine's perfectly good toys, all in their boxes, and the lady behind the counter SIGHED at me. SIGHED!!! I nearly jammed a Transformer right up that old bird's arse when she said 'we don't really like children's toys'.
Alison - I fear I am like these ladies already, plus I find these kind of conversations fascinating, but only if I am eavesdropping; I hear you on the "sigh" of the charity trout, I have got that reaction too over toys. I love annoying them by asking to see something in the locked glass cabinet too. xx
ReplyDeleteOh Dear,
ReplyDeleteI've only got 7 years to go before retirement hits.
I wonder if I can get an ear-trumpet and a zimmer ordered up before then.
It is true what you've said regarding the memory capacity of many of the elderly, and I don't look forward to forgetting things that should be easily remembered.
Like when I last posted a comment and on what site.
Oh Dear,
ReplyDeleteI've only got 7 years to go before retirement hits.
I wonder if I can get an ear-trumpet and a zimmer ordered up before then.
It is true what you've said regarding the memory capacity of many of the elderly, and I don't look forward to forgetting things that should be easily remembered.
Like when I last posted a comment and on what site
At least she didn't say "myself and Hobble," which seems to be the fashion hereabouts and just does my grammar-Nazi head in.
ReplyDeleteWe have seen the future here. I suppose if we look on the bright side, it means we'll get astonishing news every day all day.
At least she didn't say "myself and Hobble," which seems to be the fashion hereabouts and just does my grammar-Nazi head in.
Uh-oh...
Scary scary stuff. My Nan's only started doing this in the last year or so (she's 93), so I reckon I've got a while yet ...
ReplyDeleteBeautifully narrated, as ever!