3 Dec 2013


So I'm on-line looking for some kind of inspiration to hit me for the ol' Christmas shopping and I decide to buy a whole wodge of cheapie things for Sonshine to open on Christmas morning to keep him occupied until such times as I decide to elevate my carcass from my Christmas Day bed and get into the Spirit of things.

I go to website and fill my little shopping basket with £20.00 worth of tat and Proceed to Checkout.

I am asked to sign in. I know that I have bought stuff from them before, but it was ages ago.  I don't really want to sign in, I just want to buy the stuffs and GO.

It asks me to sign in again.


I try a few random passwords - none of which are correct.

Who's got time for this? I type in details for a new account instead.

Holdit! It tells me that there is already an account associated with that e-mail address.  Yes, I know, but I can't remember the password and I just want to buy the stuff and go, ok?

It flashes up a new screen.  If I have forgotten my password, they can send me a password update.

Right, send me the password update.

First fill in the e-mail address that you used to create the account.

You fucking KNOW what the e-mail is because you've just told me that it's already associated with an account.  I breathe deeply and begin to type my e-mail address slowly.

Moments later a message appears in my inbox.

Click on this link to change your password.

I dutifully click on the link to change my password.

Apparently I cannot have THAT password because it has already been used as a password on this site before.  I just want to buy some cheap tat for a Christmas stocking, fergodssakes.  Please, just let me go to the checkout and hand you my credit card details.

Pathetically compliant to the end, I choose another password.

A little green tick appears.  Hoo-fucking-ray.

I try again to proceed to checkout.

Please log in to complete your transaction.

You have GOT to be kidding me.  My fingers hover over the mac, contemplating a quick frustrated hurtle through the front window.  Sense prevails.

I dutifully log in using the new password and e-mail address.

Password not accepted.

I then contemplate hurtling my mug of coffee through the screen.  But I resist.  This will not get me the £20 worth of tat.  I start to suspect that my peri-menopause IS jogging into the full-blown misery-fest of ACTUAL menopause mental break down.

I try again.  Typing.  Slowly.  Very. Slowly.  In. Fact.  So. Slowly. That. I. get. my. e-mail. address. wrong.

User name and password do not match.

I briefly contemplate suicide.

I type the new password again.


The transaction progresses.....until postage and packing.  That BANE of islanders.  Postage and packing to the mainland is £3.60.  To the islands, it shoots up to £10.00

I fire off an e-mail to their 'customer service' to ask why they don't just use the Post Office and thus treat all customers the same.

A prompt e-mail is fired back.  We use a courier.  It's faster and more reliable.

My arse.

I look at my new invoice of £30.00.

I close the website page down.  Someone will get my £20.00  - but it won't be them.

Christmas Shopping is still not off the starting blocks.


  1. I know the feeling. I like the sites where you can just bypass the login crap and buy your stuff
    ...and one's where they don;t have fucking captcha thingies

    1. ooh captcha scares the pants off me. I get the combination of letters and numbers wrong almost every time!

  2. just reding this makes me feel a little sick inside at what's to come for all of us... aaarrrrggghhhh

    1. Just beeeeee prepared for everything to take twice as long as you expected. And for things to be no longer in stock if you decide to procrastinate by 8 hours *sigh*

      You'll be fine :-D

  3. I think the above comment is from an impostor as there is such random punctuation :D

  4. i had to get a keypass program just to keep track of all my passwords. that way all i need to remember is the keypass password. still, this is getting ridiculous!

    i once went to buy a pair of saltwater sandals on ebay - they're cute, crazy comfortable, and really reasonable at around 35$. the kicker? shipping was 45$. 45$!!!! for 45$ i expect them to be hand-delivered by a good looking registered massage therapist who will give me a deep tissue massage WITH a happy ending. bastards.

    1. That's a hefty lump for P&P!!! Did you buy them?!

  5. there's got to be a better way......just waiting for my rose vodka to mature and then I shall be viewing the whole hoo-ha through rose coloured martini glasses!!x

    1. You're leading by an excellent example there YAH!

  6. I am having the heebies now just thinking about it. Arghhh

  7. I hate online shopping for this very reason. I pretty much just don't. OCCASIONALLY I use ave's paypal to buy something, but then I make him register because it makes me apoplectic.

    I have one present - a cowl I knitte for my sister. I have realised that I can not, as I had planned in my idyllic mind, make everyone a present, so I will do an uber-shop on Saturday, Followed by getting a tree on Sunday. I love Christmas, but it is HARD when you are an adult!

  8. I don't think you need to blame menopause, as I'm definitely not there yet, but have had this plenty of times! For some reason, I find wordpress the worst, as it has to remember your password afresh for every blog you want to comment on *doh* Yay for the websites that offer the option of buying/commenting as a guest without registering ;) Cx

  9. Oh my goodness, and after all that struggle with the password, to be shut down by the shipping! I hate websites that won't let you buy as a "guest." Why in the world should you have to create an account just to buy something? Ridiculous.


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