I was going through all my posts, deleting some that had never made it past the 'draft' stage and came across this. My first part of my visit to Insomnia 49, a gaming festival in darkest Telford. I don't know why I didn't post these two posts, but here you are anyway.
Insomnia Part 1
I focus blearily on my wristwatch, tilting it to catch the faint light creeping through the gap in the curtains. It is 6.40am.
It is Saturday morning and I am lying awake in a hotel room in Telford with Sonshine tossing and turning restlessly in the single bed next to mine. We are here for a gaming festival called Insomnia. The hotel is nice enough, but it seems to have been taken over by guests at a nearby wedding and they have been rolling home in dribs and drabs since midnight. I have no idea why they named the festival Insomnia, but it's fucking appropriate right now...... I am so tired I feel like I've been drinking. Sadly, I am the only person in the hotel who has not:
We have been treated to raucous home-comings from giggly girls, slurring men and a horrendous amount of door-knocking, lost-key-in-handbag-fumbling and this:
Somewhere down the corridor: 'Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock....Karen .... knock, knock, knock, knock.... Karen? Karen are you awake (louder) KAREN! Let me in, KAREN!'
A huge sigh emanates from the bed next to mine.
'Are you awake?' I ask, in a whisper.
'Are you kidding? You would need to be deaf to sleep through this lot.' Another sigh and some pillow punching takes place. He throws himself back down. 'What time is it mum?'
'SEVEN?!' What's WRONG with these people?'
'They are," I remind him in saintly manner, 'just back from a wedding. They've just been having a good time.'
At this point 'Karen' answers the door.
'Where the FOOK have you BEEN?' echoes up the corridor.
The errant female remonstrates with her room mate: 'Ai lost me shoe, look. I lost it!
At this point I imagine her hanging on to the door frame, woozy with drink, a body-con frock sprayed on...rocking the Kardashan-chic look. I imagine her wafting the tanned leg (shoeless) in 'Karen's face.
Karen immediately mellows. The pain of a lost shoe is a unifying force for women the world over. 'Lost it? Where did you lose it, girl?'
At this point Sonshine and I are lying on our backs laughing like drains. We are not bothering to be quiet. They haven't toned down their conversation, therefore we can laugh at it.
'Well, if I knew where I'd lost it, it wouldn't be lost, would it?' retorts Shoeless girl. Her tale of sartorial woe is not over: 'And me handbag. I've lost me handbag.'
'Oh Bridesmaid's got your bag.' Karen announces with a yawn. 'Your bag was the same as the bridesmaids' bags, did you see? One of them lifted your bag by mistake. So it's not lost.'
Shoeless remains out in the corridor. A man's voice joins in. It is muffled. We cannot make out what he says other than the fact he's much plummier in his accent. I assume that Shoeless and the man have been granted access to Karen's inner sanctum because silence reigns.
Sonshine closes his eyes and nods off into welcome sleep.
I wonder whether I might get an hour 's sleep before I have to get up and drive Sonshine to the Games Convention. But no.
knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.... Karen....... I've got me bag. KAREN I'VE GOT ME BAG.
Groggily Karen opens the door and admits Shoeless.
I have had 2 hours sleep. My temper is short (shorter than Shoeless's frock, I'd imagine).
Cut to breakfast. Got to hand these folks their due - there are loads of exceptionally hung-over wedding guests loading up their plates with carbs in the vain hope that they will be fit to drive in a couple of hours time.
One young woman speaks. I recognise her voice - it is Shoeless. She regales the table with the story of The Lost Shoe and The Lost Handbag. The second tale has a happy ending but the shoe it would seem is still lost.
Sonshine and I are standing in the foyer, just about to leave for the Insomnia Gaming Weekend when he spots something. A black suede 'Stripper' shoe sitting on a black chair in the hall. It's almost impossible to see against the black chair. Sonshine thoughtfully sits the wickedly spiked shoe on the floor for Shoeless to find after breakfast.
Cinderella's shoe story will have a happy ending after all. Huzzah.
And with any amount of luck they will all have buggered off by the time we get back from Insomnia and at last, I might get a good night's sleep.