Dear reader, I have been neglecting you shamefully over the past few weeks. I would love to tell you that it's because I've been busier than 10 men with the writing, the leaded glass work, the gardening, the being 50 and making the most of the dying days of summer.
But I'd be lying. I've simply been doing nothing. Certainly nothing worth putting pen to paper about. Or finger to key. Or whatever.
It's been mainly Facebook, if I'm honest *hopes that Tartarus isn't reading this on the Engine Room computer*
My daily grind at the moment is getting Sonshine off to school and getting Nero out for his 2-mile walk through the wood. Yes, the very same wood where I fondly imagined there to be a dead body wrapped in a hideous 70s quilt cover.
I do a lot of thinking when I'm out with Nero. Here are some of today's random thoughts:
I've brought 3 poo bags. Surely that will be enough....
What if I entered a poetry competition once a month? I could totally do that. I might even win something. Remember, you won that thing in the Library last year. Yeah, but probably no-one else entered that. There's a big difference between winning a £15 book voucher and £1000 from the Basil Bunting Poetry Award. Andrew Motion is the judge for that. Did I take that poetry book back to the library? Fuck, the fine will cost more than the book!
I hope these wellies don't start to chaff...
Is that a chantarelle mushroom? *has sniff. No scent of apricots. ignores the mushroom. Walks on*
What about writing a bit more of that play? The one about the elderly comic who comes home to Scotland to visit his daughters, finds love and a new lease of life? Who the fuck would want to watch that? It would be like paint drying. Oh wait. That's actually the plot for Last Tango in Halifax. Bastards. I should have written this when I had the idea in the first place. *consigns idea to mental bin*
I've only brought 3 poo bags. That won't be enough.
That's where I saw that body in the duvet. Except it wasn't a body of course.
oh look - a deer!
Right, let's practise this 1-hour presentation for the Tarot students in Greenock. *looks around. No-one there. Starts giving presentation. ALOUD. I talk out loud to no one for at least 15 minutes...getting into my stride.... when....*
JESUS - that's a two-bag shit, Nero. In fact, that's a shit that needs two pairs of hands, never mind two bags! That Leaves me ONE bag for the last mile. It won't be enough.
What about getting a writing festival going here? There could be poetry and flash fiction competitions for the schools? Maybe get the PTA to finance the prizes? Or publishers - after all, it would be educational. Or we could hire the Pavilion for the day - all of it - and have Scottish authors reading passages from their work and talking and answering questions. Maybe Ian Rankin? Alexander McCall-Smith....he's got a house in Argyll somewhere. Local writers could get involved too - we've got a few good ones! Myra (Duffy) and Jenny (Chaplin) could talk about self-publishing and sell their books? Local writing group could run workshops...... We could explore the format of the essay and the short story..... we could talk about recording our elderly relatives histories....we could have well-known poets too. Fuck, ARE there any well-known poets?! No. A Festival of Writing wouldn't ever get off the ground.
Note to reader - I don't actually think in brackets. I added them for your delectation and delight. Also, for googling purposes.
That's DEFINITELY a chanterelle.
Why does the dog insist on pissing on his own foot?
I need to get cracking on this book for the Tarot of Alexander (Daniloff). I've only written about 6 cards. What if he doesn't like what I've written? What if it's so completely off the mark he says that I can't continue? What if I can't actually write anything bout Tarot that anyone wants to read?
*remembers that she is half way through giving Tarot presentation to the trees. Starts talking aloud again. Hears polite cough behind her. Stops talking. Allows man with jack russell dog to hurry past*
I haven't blogged for AGES. No one will come back to read anything I post now....
Please, Nero, don't crap there.......it's someone's GARDEN *looks round apologetically and scrapes up a poop that really needs more than one bag to do it justice*
By this time I am back at my front gate. We've walked 2 miles. The dog is knackered. I am the only person in the world to return from a dog walk completely hoarse. I have given my 1-hour presentation aloud. Twice. I have what may or may not be a chanterelle mushroom in my pocket. Some random jack-russell-owning dog walker thinks they've met an utter basket-case with a greyhound.
*reads back over the blog posting*
I think he's right.
That was worth waiting for.
ReplyDeleteSends a big hug to Vashon :-D
DeleteLOL. I think the literary festival sounds like a marvellous idea - you should do it :)
ReplyDeleteYou know, I think that Karen at Print Point (local bookshop) could get something like this off the ground. I'd be happy to help with the admin stuff and whatever else she might need. But you know what? We'd need money. To get money you need a Committee and a bank account and about 40 other opinions as to what we should do with a Literary Festival. That would piss me off no-end. And probably Karen too. It's something that I daydream about from time to time - organising a Children's Book section, a YA section, getting authors who write for adults to persuade young adults to start reading proper adult fiction....promote the classics.... fun stuffs - get actors to recite plays (as if they are on the radio)... have talking heads on video, talking about their favourite books..... all I need to do is come into a vast amount of disposable income. *might start doing the lottery* :-D
DeleteI'm with Wally :D
ReplyDeleteNo you're not. You're in England *boomtish*
DeleteBut I get what you're saying. I haz neglected my reader. But sometimes I just have absolutely nothing to say. Well, even less to say than usual. :-D
You could try tapping up the Arts Council (or "Creative Scotland") They've got a few quid for festivals. Sounds a great idea. You could link it in to some local Scottish food and drink --Buckie and cider cordial etc.
ReplyDeleteFor that to happen, we'd need a proper committee of the great and the good and that would just do my head in. We have a great many ponderous men of a certain age in the community and I would end up stabbing a few of them if I had to sit on a committee with them :-)
DeleteI managed to miss the bit where Alexander Daniloff asked you to write a book for his gorgeous tarot. That is so cool! And given how much you adore that deck, and how much you know about all things tarot, you will do a splendiferous job :D
ReplyDeleteI agree the literary festival sounds fun, but committees bring me out in hives!
Thanks, IW - but I cannot tell a lie, he has not ASKED me to write the book, but he has AGREED that I can write the book :-D I do love it to bits and I hope to make a good job of it for him :-)
DeleteCommittees bring me out in hives too. That's why I won't be able to get it off the ground :-D
Festival??? If you build it ....we will come!!!
ReplyDeleteoh if only it was as simple as that, lol! Maybe one day!!
DeleteAli x
Oh I love this! You're sense of humor is fantastic and I'm so glad you came back to write this! :)
ReplyDeleteWell, that's very kind Anita. thank you! There will be more, but I'm not sure when. Depends on when I next work myself into a splenetic rage :-D
DeleteAli x
Well that put a smile on my face.
ReplyDeleteI love this. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in the 'some of the stuff I think about is a bit weird' front. Did you eat the mushroom?
ReplyDelete