15 Jan 2014
Life here at Mount Olympus has not been without incident recently. The Christmas holibags flew past as expected - nice pressies, nice food, rubbish telly, incomprehensible Dr Who etc - but on return to school, things started to go a bit pear-shaped.
Sonshine came home and announced that Child X (let's just call him Satan. It will amuse me, if no-one else) had been telling everyone in the class that Sonshine had shit himself in the woods. Reader, I have no idea whether this is true or false. Even if true, it's not the sort of thing that you want people to remember you for, right?
Anyway, as the week wore on, more tales come home from school of mild unpleasantness from Satan.
Wednesday evening arrives and Satan turns up at the front door for Sonshine to 'come out and play'. At 8.30pm on a dark, wet, January night. Clearly they were all going to be Up To No Good. Sonshine said he didn't fancy it. Door closed. End of story.
Except it wasn't.
A short while later, while I was deep in the bowels of something or other of VITAL importance on the telly (ie Big Bang Theory) there was a terrible hammering on our front window. Cue nervous greyhound bladder evacuation and, if I'm honest, a partial Hestia evacuation too.
Tartarus shot out of the chair and ran outside. Perps were gone. Undeterred, Tartarus pulled up his hoodie and set off down the road. Where he duly encountered a group of three boys. Including Satan. You've seen the photos. Tartarus didn't get that face by sitting at home at night doing knitting. He left them in no doubt how things would go if he encountered them banging on the windows again.
And that was that.
Except it wasn't.
The following night, Tartarus was enjoying a spot of X-Box fun in the living room when I announced that Nero needed a feed. I dragged the dog off his bed and just stepped my foot out of the living room when there was A Situation. For a split second, I thought, 'Fuck, the sound effects in Deus Ex are good!' only for Tartarus to fly past me in the doorway and out into the night.
Yep, living room window shattered.
We have four cylinder glass, Listed B status windows (ie cannot remove them, must replace like with like, cannot install double-fucking-glazing etc) and one of them was in long, evil shards of thin Victorian glass, all over the floor. And Nero's bed. Unfortunately, I had removed the glass that had landed in his bed by the time I took the photographs.
I uploaded the photos to facebook where I spewed a furious 'public' rant at the little shit who had done this to us.
The police were called. They duly turned up and took statements. Including the details of the incident the previous night.
No visits to any of the previous night's perps to give them a stern talking to....NOTHING.
The law, is, I'm afraid, an ASS.
Sure, Tartarus couldn't positively ID Satan for the window breaking, but the two coppers sat on the sofa taking statements and saying how unlikely a coincidence it would be for another kid to break exactly the same window the next night. How the kids could probably do with a bit of a fright, a warning shot across the bows...or at least their parents informed of the Wednesday night situation. So I thought that was going to happen. But no.
Sonshine goes to school and Satan gloats. Sonshine goes to Games Night at a friend's house to discover Satan is also present. Sonshine gets 'bare bummed'. Which is the delightful process of being pinned down and someone planks their naked bum on your face.
So, I'm afraid that it's all down to your Friendly Non-Domestic Goddess to go and sort this out with Satan's parents and, sadly, with the parents of his 'friends' who held him down. And certainly the parents whose house this took place in.
Wish me luck.
I have also had my 3-yearly smear. So for a bit of light relief and fun at Tartarus's man-love's expense, after all that doom and gloom, read this
Explore the ruined citadel of m'blog:
Lovely! The regular reader of this column may recall that Tartarus does not like using airports and therefore Sonshine and I have not be...
Everything was going pretty well until we started the brief drive back from Edinburgh Zoo to Leith docks, where we are currently residing. ...
Me and Tom Me: possibly having a mid-life crisis I roll out of bed on a weekday morning when the dog stuffs his head under the duvet an...