Hestia.... learns about denim

St Tiffany - patron saint of Denim Wearers

If you know me at all, you will realise that I am a fairly unreconstructed fashion person: I have written before about how my dress sense is more Matt Baker than Ted, my hair more Gene Simmons than Jean.

I love reading fashion blogs though, but usually while I'm slobbed out on the bed with my ipad and munching my way through a Tunnocks Caramel Wafer.  Like swimming with sharks and base-jumping off the top of the Eiffel Tower, it's grand to watch and read about, but frankly, I haven't got the energy or inclination to take part.

Then I happened upon the Guardian vlogs.

My dear reader, if you have not seen them, please go and check them out. Delivered with such wide-eyed and earnest conviction, I thought at first they were spoofs. But no! Someone is actually paid MONEY to do these and they are HILARIOUS. Let's take a look at Fashion Tips for Denim Jackets:

http://www.theguardian.com/fashion/video/2014/aug/20/denim-jackets-fashion-tips-video

Please, call up the link and let the video play.

We are treated to a fashion shoot on the fashionista modelling for us a denim jacket.  This is clearly the RIGHT way to wear it.  Since she has her arms down the sleeves,  and her head at the collar end I am delighted to note that this too is how *I* wear my denim jacket.  I am clearly BANG ON TREND.

The fashionista speaks whilst lovingly fingering a rack of denim jackets.

She hoiks out the first one from the collection. It looks quite nice. She proceeds to tell us how to look grungy rather than mumsy (wear it over a frock). I'll need to find the video about How To Buy A Frock That Does Not Look Mumsy'.

She pulls out the next one on the rack.  It looks as if it's been half-dipped in the tanks of the Exxon Valdez for a 'sharper feel'. It costs £130 – ouch – that's quite sharp enough for me as it is, thank you.

The next one is a bleached effort that you could find in any charity shop in the country (but not with the £60 tag). This particularly one is from Rokit 'which has branches in London and elsewhere' apparently. Appealing to the regional demographic with this one, obviously.  Or, she concedes,  you could buy one from a charity shop.  More likely - and will set you back the princely sum of a fiver.

We then move over to a jacket from ASOS that has 'carpet bagging' on the shoulders and huge rips all over it. It looks like something lifted from the pavements during the Brixton Riots. This one, we are reliably informed, 'is for the bolder denim jacket wearer.'  At this point I am making audible snortling noises.

The last jacket is the 'shrunken' style, cut to fit close. It looks quite nice, I must admit. This one is by Tommy Hilfiger. Apparently you can 'wear it closed or open.' Who knew?

So here's my Fashion Advice to YOU: Buy any damned denim jacket that you like – a thift shop find or high end 'spensive. Wear it with everything until it there are rips in the elbows and the whole thing is held together only by willpower and perfume fumes. Patch it with a bit of 70s curtain material. Sell it on ebay to a 'bolder denim jacket wearer.'

Coming Soon:  How to Wear Minimalist Trainers AKA plimsols