10 Oct 2012

Hestia goes on a minibreak

No longer a Nando's virgin
It's the October school hols.  I'd hoped to be in Birmingham to visit m'bro and m'sisinlaw but they can't fit us in. So I took us off on a mini break.  To Stirling.  Yes, that's right.  I took us to the exotic locations of 20 minutes drive from Juno's house.

My List of Mistakes

1  Don't download the instructions on how to get to the hotel from Google.  
Just don't.  Flagging down confused foreign tourists will net you the same result: lost at teatime in an industrial estate, feeling sweary, stressed, sweaty and wanting to punch people.

2  Don't prebook your cinema tickets
Thanks to my unscheduled tour around the Industrial Estate.  Twice - once from the north, once from the south.  We had approximately 20 minutes to find our way to the cinema.  Yes, I had downloaded google's driving instructions for that too, trying to be organised.  We didn't get lost BUT I did get so stressed at trying to find it/get there on time that I did manage to drive into the car park through the exit.  Managed not to hit any coaches that were trying to exit the car park.  Bus driver looked surprised though.

3  Don't order HOT at Nandos
We have never been in Nandos and Sonshine decided that he wanted to eat there both nights of our stay.  They serve chicken.  In various stages of hotness.  This resulted in me not wishing to be too far from a toilet for most of the following day.  Tricky, given that we were spending it in a Safari Park.
Turns out both our bums were fine.  No sharts.  This time.

4  Don't expect a 12 year old co-driver to be much use
He was in charge of the Google driving instructions for getting to Blair Drummond Safari park.  Let me just tell you that there was much effing and blinding as I careened into a Sainsbury's car park.  Through the exit.  I am nothing if not consistent.  We did manage to find our way there.  By luck or angels or something.  Not by Google's directions though.

5  Do not try to conduct illicit affair somewhere off the island - you will be caught
Not that I am in the throes of any such thing, but it's unnerving to be standing at the Hot Snax Bar in a Safari Park only to find the man standing next to you is actually your neighbour from across the road.  Fortunately, HE wasn't  in the throes of an illicit affair either.

This uncanny knack of being somewhere and finding a local within whispering distance also applies to Australia where my Day Carer and her husband stopped off in Perth on their Selma & Louise driving journey across its fiery red wastes to buy sandals in some small shop  Only to find themselves confronted with a couple of near neighbours from back home who had popped in to the same shop to buy jeans.  No-one was involved in any kind of illicit affair.  But you can see how my mind works.

6  Avoid driving into Raploch
Just.  Avoid it.

BUT - all that aside, we had a fantastic time.  The hotel was great.  We WERE next door to a whole gaggle of girls who seemed to knock on each other's bedroom doors at all hours of the night which was a bit unnerving.

Safari Park was great - our visit there shall be in pix on Friday.  I hope they make you smile.  In the meantime, here are some children and date-scoffing ring-tailed lemurs.

Do not be perturbed.  Children are commenting on the fact that they eat dates too.  Not lemurs.  Although in Stirling you can never be sure......

Part Le Deux of the mini break saga happens tomorrow......

9 comments:

  1. LOL use the RAC route planner on their website :-)

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    1. I'll need to try something. Clearly :-D

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  2. Excellent satire, first class! Loved it, Ali!

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  3. I'm feeling a long way from home and vey lonely, so it was nice to read your Blog. I feel right with the world now.

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  4. Spent a lovely day in Stirling a hundred years ago (or so it seems). Misty weather (I'm guessing that's normal), great driver that we hired for the day . . . . funky slot machine in the restaurant lobby.

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  5. I once bumped into some friends from New Zealand in a parking garage in Switzerland *life is strange face* This had me laughing so hard that Big Boy caught the giggles :)

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  6. hahahahaaa!

    My stomping ground so I could imagine every little nuance.

    Done the Raploch...just dont...drive behind Sainsbury's instead. (but you know that now)

    And if you want some nice places to eat...Victoria's is a coffee shop that sells surprisingly lovely lunches...and the Italian in the Victorian Arcade is fabulous :)

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  7. I love your writing style! LMAO at the hypothetical illicit affairs!!! It's true though - wherever you go, the neighbors will follow!!! I had met my first door neighbor from the coastal Montenegro - in Beijing's club?! Stuff like that ;) The only remark i have - IT'S TOUGH LOOKING AT FRENCH FRIES while on Master Cleanse lolol!!! xx

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