These are in no particular order:
1 Brushing my hair, my brush caught on a tug (I was working the full Gene Simmons look. Not to be confused with the Jean Simons look, which I would LUFF to work), flew out of my hand and straight down the toilet pan.
No, not that gorgeous one........
This one. This is my hair. This is also my make up.
It is clearly not this monochrome look that is fashionable this season, eh?
2 I reversed ever so slowly and gently into the garage door.
3 I opened the side gate on Friday night to drive to my SECOND power hooping class of the week (be impressed, mortals!), the roller wheel that helps our mahoooosive wooden gate open smoothly caught on a stone as I was pushing it back. The top half of the gate sprung back and smacked me squarely on that bit of bone just above my eye. By the time I got to powerhooping, I looked like Quasimodo. By the time I came out, I had the humph and the limp and everything. It is still sore *trembling lower lip*.
4 Optrex is NOT the same thing as Corsodyl.
5 I took a wire coat-hanger out of my wardrobe to hang something up and through some strange combination of gyrations (see: Zumba Dance DVD that my mother bought me whilst I was recovering from gall-bladder surgery) managed to get it caught around the lampshade, necessitating me to stand on the bed, in my jammies (with the curtains open and the lights on). In the process of doing the unhooking, the strap on my jammy top snapped leaving me looking somewhat Amazonian. You could NOT make it up. I should just have thrown my clothes on the floordrobe.
6 I tried to make myself a pancake and accidentally used Strong Flour. To be fair, I had only just discovered point 7. I still ate it.
7 Tartarus is NOT coming home on the 7th of December as I had thought, but the 1st of December. Which is Thursday. This leaves me 2 days to power wash the house, empty the poly-tunnel and greenhouse of Dead Things, make two designs for the stained glass windows, renew the car insurance (still not done) and write 10,000 words for nanowrimo. S'not going to happen is it?
8 Took a bottle of water up to bed with me and put it on my bedside table, moved the duvet somewhat enthusiastically at about half three in the morning and woke up to water EVERYWHERE.
Still think that Mercury Rx is just a figment of an overactive, esoteric imagination?
what's strong flour? what's power-hooping?
ReplyDeleteoddly enough, today was good for me. no near death experiences (yet).
That sort of stuff happens to you all the time, with or without Mercury's help.
ReplyDeleteI hope the toilet was flushed.
You've got me convinced. :) The whole clothes hanger/lampshade/wardrobe malfunction is hilarious.
ReplyDeleteOk, I may be abit of a cynic, buit that catalogue of disasters obviously proves, beyond any shadow of a doubt that Mercury Rx is the culprit.
ReplyDeleteNo way it could be a hangover/early onset Alzheimers/MS/Meningococcal Meningitis/Drug abuse/*ahem, say it quietly, old age*/ DTs/Alcohol intake/Consuella and the wax dummy, the dead black chicken,the black wax candles and the silver pins of Death.
*coughs lightly into hand and looks up* did the Tarot cards predict any of this?
*bashful grin, with mental image of slightly condescending smile*
BTW, Sorry if you've reallyhad a sh*te day. It happens. *hug*
Did you forget, it was also ....Monday ? :-D
ReplyDeleteOh dear! If that was me I'd be putting it down to pms clumsiness - the time when plates just fall through fingers onto floors, when normally one is terribly dainty wiv the china.... ouch to point 4: minty fresh eyes?
ReplyDeleteI'm now programmed to be disastrous mostly on Mondays - at work, with a large-ish audience; consecutive weeks have seen coffee knocked over, file of papers dropped all over corridor (v public) and mobile dropped and disintegrated (also v public).
You have my sympathies re change of arrival date: put house cleaning out to tender with the local community or massive pre-christmas clean-ali's-house party... while you nip upstairs to write the novel??? x
Viv - They didn't all happen on the same day, but over a period of days. My God, if I had a single day like that, I'd never get my legs out of bed in the morning lol!
ReplyDeleteTrashsparkle - if local community came to clean my house, I think that they would probably clean it OUT. Would certainly make tidying up easier though :-)
TSB - well, of course it COULD be all of those things! And no, the Tarot did not predict it because....I don't use my cards much for predicting. I use them for personal insight and self-examination. And that's not self-examination that requires a mirror and the constitution of an olympic gymnast ;-)
Although I WILL be using them in my NEW BLOG to look at world affairs - just to see what actually happens. All a bit tongue in cheek, of course. Unless it turns out that I'm actually BRILLIANTLY Gifted and then I'll be heading straight for the Tabloids with a column request :-)
Patience C - It was like a moment from a Woody Allen film. Without the underage step-daughter/wife in the background, of course.
Wally - You're right, it does happen to me quite a lot. I wonder if I've got Dyspraxia? ;-) Of course the loo was flushed!
Polish Chick - Strong flour is used for bread-making. It doesn't make good pancakes. Or even average pancakes. Powerhooping is where you get a hoop that weighs about 5lbs and do lots of exercises, interspersed with boxing exercises (I of course, pretend to be punching Tartarus which makes the whole thing go much more quickly). I would like to tell you that I have rediscovered my core muscles. But I'd be lying.
Ali x
I have times when I'm just the clumsiest clot in the world, though I can't say I put it down to the movements of celestial bodies. Just the extreme ineptitude of my earthly body!
ReplyDeleteFunny though. Especially when it's not happening to me!
How's Operation Clean-Up going? Good luck! xxx
Oh how awful - you poor thing. Did you really put mouthwash in your eye? OUCH x Infinity!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about T coming home early - he can do all those tedious things and enjoy being useful!
When is Mercury naffing off? How much more of this can you take? xxx
Mrs E - it was eyewash in the mouth, thank goodness. The two measuring cups were sitting out on the windowsill and I thoughtlessly put the eyewash into the mouthwash cup and had a bit of a swill around. *bleurgh*
ReplyDeleteMercury should right itself in early December *fingers crossed*
Pastcaring - just blame the celestial bodies!
Ali x
power hooping??I need more....xx
ReplyDeleteOh no! That sounds tough. Hope things have gone better since and that you are now ready for the imminent arrival.
ReplyDeleteTHe real question here is - did you pic the brush back pout of the loo and wash it to use again? (My answer to this would be yes!)
ReplyDelete