3 Sep 2011

Hestia.... spectacular goddess fail

So, I've been working on a 90 day plan with a couple of friends.  How it works is this: You decide what you want to have achieved in a year's time and then set yourself 90 day path-markers to make sure that you're on track and what not.

I've been doing it for a month and I think I'm making pretty good headway - updating my goals, keeping an eye on what I'm running off-track with....and I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself.

Until today.

Tartarus was only home for 20 minutes before he was asking all those questions that I only had a 'no' for.

'Have you taxed the cars and the bike?'

'Erm, no.  Was I supposed to?'

'Yes, I e-mailed you about it specially.'  Tartarus is sounding pained - and for once I don't blame him. I have a vague remembrance of the instruction and wonder why I didn't do anything about it.

He switches to money: 'Did you bank my refund?'

I rack my brain.  I remember detaching the cheque from the letter. Surely I banked it? SURELY?  I remember INTENDING to bank it.

I open a drawer.  There lies the cheque.  Along with some other cheques.  Decidedly unbanked.

Tartarus is sighing at me now.  I feel terrible.

'What's up with the freezer?' he asks.

'What do you mean?'

'The freezer - it's not working.'

I dimly recall seeing the red light on when I was getting the fish fingers out for Sonshine the day before.

'I saw that light yesterday.  I think it must have stopped working last night,' I offer lamely.

'Did you not think to do something about it then?' he asks patiently, rubbing his tired eyes.

'No.'  I look down at my slippers and can feel myself starting to well up and get weepy with irritation at myself. All this goal-setting and trying to get myself to somewhere where I'm happy to be in my life.  It's just so much window-dressing, isn't it? I can sort out websites for people without any trouble.  I can write articles and blog posts and facebook until I'm the same colour as Zuckerman's logo.

I am failing to show up in my real life and I don't really know why. 

Or maybe I do.


  1. aaah sweetheart, life is what happens in between running around after everyone like a blue-arsed fly.

    We set ourselves goals, but we get so bloody distracted that some things just get forgotten about...until our nearest & dearest remind us.

    You are good at so many things, but if you are like me those things tend to take over...because you are so good at them they nibble away at your time and your sanity (or is that just me?)

    Get back on that road to goaldom. I admire you for doing it, at least it sounds like you know where you want to be in a years time. Tartarus, like any man, is probably good at seeing what has been forgotten and doesnt see all the other stuff that has been done, and has taken your time and led to the occasional distraction.

    Dont beat yourself up...get back on that path ;)

    S xx

  2. Awww hun don't beat yourself up..goal setting is great and it works :)..stick to it, life will always beat us into thinking we are confused but we not, just prioritizing what is most important. I have done what you did so many times *sigh* including putting the rubbish in washing machine and the washing in the rubbish...it's life and being human ;) *hug*

  3. Doesn't matter - cheques will be abolished soon anyway!

  4. Being domestic isn't your strength. So what. You have so many other things that you're brilliant at - if Tartarus doesn't appreciate that, tell him to go suck big hairy ones.

  5. Dear Alison, You probably aren't a lapsed Catholic but it is the sins of omission which are the killers. Bless me father etc these are the things I have failed to do. Well, fuck that! (sorry but I must speak plainly). Few of us lead perfectly efficient lives and we have to celebrate what we do achieve. Tartarus can bank cheques, organise tax stuff and fix fridges. You have other things to be getting on with. My view is that persons who have not been resident for the past however months only have themselves to blame. Be kind to yourself and good luck with your 90 day plan. Big Chilean hugs, Lindaxxx

  6. I agree with the other comments - and hugs - why does he not see what you have been doing; keeping Sonshine happy and nurtured, doing those websites, developing yourself and generally just keeping all the non-car tax plates and non-cheques plates spinning? And I hope he knows that you helped Sonshine with the last-minute.com spacecraft project!
    You have the patience of a saint - and you obviously love him - me, I would have told him where to put his refund cheque and his car tax. And maybe changed the locks ;)xx

  7. Ali my love, NO-ONE manages to keep up with everything. Especially when you are living what is essentially two lives - the one that's you and Sonshine, and the one with Tartarus.

    Give yourself a break, and be please at the thing you do do.

    If it makes you feel any better, we've been living in this flat for a week now without a new lease for the year, and our microwave has been broken for 3 months. Also, one of the cords on the sash window broke. I can't do anything about this till we have signed a new lease.

  8. Dinna fash yersel' lass.
    The lazy bugger should have set it all up before he went galavanting to the Gulf of Mexico.
    Gie him a quick smack on the chops (both types)
    a cuddle,
    and then tell him to do the Manly things.
    Fix the freezer.
    Set upthe payments
    Pay in the cheques
    Give you a "quickie" (if you're in the mood)
    Fix his piles.
    Change his job.
    Stay with you
    Stay with Sonshine
    Re-train as a technical teacher (they're mostly drunks and failed maritime engineers anyway, so he'll fit right in)so he can stay at home and get the school holidays.

  9. Don't be so hard on yourself - these things are tedious. There is so much utterly boring admin. in life - no-one ever tells you that, do they? Good times, bad times I can cope with. Admin kills the will to live!

    You could add a daily 'to do' list alongside your goals which might help you keep track of these dull things IF YOU WANT TO but don't abandon your goals or call them 'window dressing' - its these long term hopes that give life shape and purpose, and who will be thinking about whether you were late taxing your vehicles in 10 years time?

    Lots and lots of love,

  10. I was going to give you my pearls of wisdom, but Twisted SB did it for me. Tertarus is an ungrateful sod.
    You're a lovely, talented, hilarious and caring lady. Who gives a flying fuck if you forget stuff. If I remember correctly, his memory is a bit lacking sometimes, like forgetting to call his family to let them know he was OK.

  11. Ali I am with Sage on this one - they are very good at seeing what has not been done, and rubbish at spotting what has (or congratulating you on it). Don't beat yourself up - I refer you to my comment on the spaceship x


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