29 Jul 2010

Hestia - Day One of the new Regime

I get up  - I'm in a good mood and vowing to get myself back on track in my life.
I congratulate myself on remembering to take the recycling out to the kerbside.
I resolve to make myself a bowl of porridge for breakfast.
I listen to Brian Johnson of AC/DC talking about being on Top Gear and inexplicably find a piece of this in my hand.
Shortly thereafter, I find it in my mouth.
I am genuinely surprised and annoyed with myself -  I’ve had a bit of chocolate cake and it's not even breakfast.
I go for a shower.
I will start Getting Serious About Things properly.

After my shower I race to see how quickly I can put on a reasonable face: Ten minutes – there’s no excuse for doing a facsimile of this every day – even if the only other adult I see is the postman.  I feel less troll-like and go downstairs.
Postie has been.  I open the envelope.  ‘Dear Hestia, it has been 3 years since your last smear test.  Please phone the health centre yada, yada, yada
I try not to think about this.
I help Sonshine get dressed.  He can do it himself, but he likes to have a bit of a chat as he re-immerses himself into the previous day’s reasonably clean t-shirt and jeans.  Don’t panic – he has clean knickers and socks. I think.
Still no sign of Tertarus after the Bike Club’s Beach BBQ last night.  It was one of those half-assed invitations: ‘You and Sonshine can come too,  if you want to,’ he suggested lamely.
‘Will you be drinking yourselves into a coma?’ I asked.
‘I think we’ll give it a miss.  But thanks for asking us anyway.’

I spend a happy half hour twittering and reading comments on  m’blog.
I then spend another half hour reading my favourite blogs.
I realise that it is now half ten and I have had no breakfast other than a slice of chocolate cake.
I make a bowl of cornflakes with half-fat milk.  It's not porridge, but it's not bad either.
I feel virtuous.
My neighbour comes to the door with a wrongly addressed letter for me.
It’s from a magazine that I contacted some time ago with a submission for an article.
I rip off the envelope with a mixture of excitement and dread.  ‘Dear Hestia, thank you for sending us…yada, yada, yada….we will have to decline in this instance.’
I try not to think about this.
I type this morning’s futile existence out for the blog and find myself thinking about this.
I phone Sonshine’s friend and arrange a playdate.
I take half of the remaining cake with me for the playdate's older brother and sister.
There is now only a quarter of this left.
I hoover.
I wash dishes.
I straighten the lounge.
I get the scented candle going – Clean Linen, I think it’s called.
I check my e-mails and get some replies out.
Still no sign of Tertarus.  I would like to think that he is lying shivering in his mysteriously damp sleeping bag, vowing never to drink that much again, but I know that he’ll actually be at the Ettrick Bay Tearoom having a full English with a mug of hot tea. He will be laughing with his friends, discussing MotoGP, oil changes and organising days away on the bike - all without Sonshine or me.  He will be unwilling to tear himself away from their good-natured ribbing, unwilling to drag himself home to his reproachful and stony-faced domestic goddess.
I go downstairs into the kitchen.
I look at this.
I cut myself a slice.
It is midday and I’ve now had two bits of chocolate cake and a bowl of cornflakes.
Never mind, I tell myself.  I can start again tomorrow.


  1. It's got raspberries in it though - fruit. And eggs, which are good for you and high in protein.

    I'd have eaten the whole thing by now!

  2. Don't worry I just ate a Rock cake and that was after a cheese and onion sandwich and a bag of Walkers ready salted. I go on hols in 4 weeks, what am I gonna do? Changing subject are you going join in the Blog Sale on Sunday, selling, buying or both?

  3. LM - that's practically 2 of my 5 a day, isn't it?!

    LFIYF - I saw that on your blog! What do I do? Just tip up to the blog on the day in question and see what you have? Or is it done via ebay? You'll need to explain how to play!

    Ali xxxx

  4. I sympathize, babe. I have no willpower whatsoever. NONE. I'd have eaten the entire half cake, so just look at it like it could have been worse.



  5. SB - *whispers* I've just snuck myself another small bit - it's scandalously tasty.....

    Ali x

  6. I decided that I would have day one yesterday. I drank half a bottle of rose and ate a massive bag of fruit gums. Bur fruit gums are fruit right?

    I would never have resisted having that cake in my house. I'm amazed you managed to not eat every last scrap.

  7. I won't even go in to the crap I eat for breakfast some days. I don't bake anymore, ever, which I find helps. I've eaten more mini sausages than I thought entirely sensible today. I just couldn't help myself. The worst thing? I don't even like sausages very much.

  8. I try to have a good breakfast - but by 3pm, all I want is CAKE!!! I don't think fruit gums count as a Five a Day component....

    Ali x

  9. I try to have a good breakfast - but by 3pm, all I want is CAKE!!! I don't think fruit gums count as a Five a Day component....

    Ali x


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