Hestia is...too thin. But only on paper

I am off to Italy next Easter and I cannot WAIT. Every day I'm looking at images of the Best Places To Eat...ice-cream, pasta, milanese risotto etc etc etc.

If I'm like this in December, I'll need scraped off the ceiling by the time I have to get myself on a flight.

Anyhoo, my passport has expired.

I duly got another form and completed it, resplendent with two reasonably life-like photos for my new book.  My friend's husband signed the photos and today was the day that I tootled down to the post office to have them check it over before I posted it.

The service costs £8.00 and they EARNED it today, dear reader, because I made them WORK FOR IT.


Me:  Can you check over my passport, please?

Nice man behind counter:  Sure, slide it through.

*tips out the photos, old passport, form.  Inexplicably, also shortbread crumbs*

Man:  Ah - both the photos have been signed.

Me:  Is that not right?

Man:  No - you only need one signed.  When they laser on the other one into your new passport, any writing on the back will cause a problem.  Do you have another photo?

Me:  YES! As a matter of fact, I do!! I'll just run home and get it...... *indistinct Muttley-type swearing and muttering as I disappear out the door*

(time passes.  I 'run' home.  Pick up the other photo and 'run' back)

Nice man in post office recognises me in the queue and motions to me that he'll deal with me when I get to the front.  The two ladies that are temping over Christmas look terribly grateful.

I get to the front of the queue.

Me:  Tadaaaaaaah!

Man turns over new photo and spots pen mark where I tested that the pen would work on the photo backs.

Man:  Ah.

Me:  Ah?

Man:  That might be a problem, that pen mark.

Me:  Ah

Man:  Hmmmmmm

Me:  Hmmmm?

Man:  Your photo.  It's too narrow.  It's been trimmed too closely.

He shows me the photo in their 'guide-frame' bit of plastic.  It is indeed too thin.  By about 3mm.  

Me (inside my head) oh for FUCK'S SAKES  (outwardly) *looks crestfallen*.

Man:  Do you have any more photos?

Me:  Nope

Man:  Look, here's what to do.  Here's a new form.  You don't need anyone to sign your next batch of photos because you haven't changed in appearance since your last passport.  Leave that whole section blank. Just come in, get some piccies taken in the boothe and we'll get this off for you, ok?

Me:  ok

Exits stage left.  I am standing on the pavement in the pissing rain when the full ramifications of what he just said has hit me.

I don't look any different to my last passport photos!

I DON'T LOOK ANY OLDER THAN I DID TEN YEARS AGO!!!!

With a spring in my step I set off home.  And tomorrow, the nice man in the post office will be presented with his £8.00.  And a smile. Possibly also my phone number.