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| Brace yourself Rodney..... |
The wind is tugging at my hood like a vile playground bully threatening to make my already unruly hair less 70s Kate Bush more Psychotic Crystaltips; Sonshine has his woolly hat clamped down so far you cannot see his eyes. He looks like a character from the cartoon Southpark.
We are late. I am harassed.
I notice the swans gliding around on the moat (very grand name for a shallow donut of water that surrounds the castle)
Me (trying to make friendly conversation as I drag him along): Look - there's the swans! Can you see how many cygnets they've produced this year?
Sonshine pauses at the black railings: 'One......two ......three....no, wait - that was a crisp poke.......three, ah that was another crisp poke....' Poke is the Scottish word for packet, I hasten to add.
We hold hands to cross towards the restaurant and Sonshine stops dead again. I try to drag him forwards. WE ARE LATE!! He has noticed a tortoiseshell cat padding purposefully up the middle of the road towards the castle. Possible towards the cygnets. I can tell by the set of its bony narrow shoulders, it's that sort of a cat. Hell, they're all that sort of a cat.
Sonshine: Mum - look there's that cat AGAIN!!! Every time I come down here on my bike I see THAT CAT!
Me: hmmmm? Come on, honey - we're late!
Sonshine reluctantly pulls himself from his cat reverie and falls into step beside me again.
Sonshine: Do you think he could be a halloumination?
Me: Sorry? A what?
It is now my turn to stop dead in the middle of the street.
Sonshine: A halloumination? Could the cat be a fig of my imagination?
I struggle to remember what the correct word is. It's not anything to do with a firm Greek cheese, or figs but I'm damned if I can unearth from the morass of my mind what it is.
I am suddenly reminded of a holiday in Dublin with Tartarus 20 years ago and being called into an impressively formal state room at some Big House we were wandering around. Don't worry, there were other people there. We hadn't broken in or anything.
'Come in here,' he whispered, taking my mitten-clad hand and dragging me into a brightly lit ballroom. 'LOOK at those chandelabras - they're STUNNING!' Tartarus pointed to a massive crystal chandelier. Once I had stopped laughing like a demented hyena, I decided that henceforth, a chandelier would now be known as a chandelabra....and now none of us can remember what it's really called. Which causes some pitying titters from strangers.
Actually, now that I think on it, he had on a similar woolly hat to Sonshine that day too.
I am also reminded of the fact that Tartarus, for no reason whatsoever, always puts a 'd' onto the end of the word museum. So we visit museumds quite often. Weird.
Ah yes - the word I am looking for is HALLUCINATION, but what's the point in correcting him?
Like father like son: Like no language you've ever had to learn before.
Please tell me that it's not just my two chaps that do this?
Maybe it's the woolly hat befuddling that part of their brains? I don't think it's just your two, Jon totally confuses me with his choice of words sometimes. xxx
ReplyDeleteMy daughter's early 'diny-waas' (dinosaur) and 'maza-geen' (magazine) have stuck utterly. I have trouble saying the proper words. Hope swans are okay :)
ReplyDeletePerhaps it was a Blackpool Halloumination?!
ReplyDeleteCrocodiles will forever be croc-do-diles. Hippopatamus are hippo-not-in-news. But that was M when he was learning to talk!
ReplyDeleteMy Grandma used have rhodedendrums in her garden according to her. Apart from those examples, I'd say, yes; it is just your boys!!
I can't remember any of the ones I know now as they are normal to us. But you are most certainly not alone. M does it quite often and I just accidentally make portmentau words all the time.
ReplyDeleteI like it when one befuddles words - I do it too but at least they were using the almost correct word in, the worst is when people use wrongs words for other things they mean, like hypochondriac for hypocrite! xx
ReplyDeleteI used to say Wardrove instead of wardrobe when I was little other than that I haven't ever noticed that my kids say anything funny like that. Love TNMA comment about Blackpool, so funny!
ReplyDeleteI think all families have their own internal vocabulary. It's sort of exciting, like a cypher. Just as long as you don't all start "speaking in tongues"
ReplyDeleteThe weather sounds particulary crap, even for Western Scotland. Hope it's not too cold, it must make your new scars ache.
My DS kept talking about the royal 'dwedding'. Not a typo LOL
ReplyDeleteDear Alison, My mum is not a native English speaker so we never cross bridges when we come to them, we jump off them. One day, my mum was complaining about my step-father to wit: "He won't stop tantalising me!". The poor woman almost died when I clarified (really not wanting to have this conversation but yet strangely compelled) that she really meant common garden tormenting (not picking clothes off floor, leaving food out, expressing contrary poltical views etc) as opposed to any odd sexual activity. I only wonder how many of her much too polite friends she also complained to... Lindaxxx
ReplyDeleteDon't worry you're not alone.In fact its extraordinary for my lot to get things right.Talk in riddles all the time.And my mother once drew her neighbours attention to her beautiful Clitoris (Clematis)...
ReplyDeleteLoved the bee post,have had a stressful week so catching up on some reading is just what I needed:)
Dearest Ali, thanks for your lovely comments. When are we going to catch up properly?
ReplyDeleteI never would ever have guessed a packet was called a poke! How confusing! Much love, C xx
I have a few which we do all use regardless of odd looks from strangers:
ReplyDeletemazerine (magazine)
doodiver (screwdriver)
dullbozer (bulldozer)
Stevie Wonder's words to Ma Cherie Amour - pretty little wombat I adore!
And one from my mother-in-law which must crease the doctors - bronical (for bronchial).
But I do think halloumination is a great one and think I will use it myself and see who notices x