Hestia and ....The Cleaning of Nibbles

I took Christmassy pity on our little hamster, Nibbles, and moved him from the back sitting room (North facing, always Exorcist-chilly) and into our toasty-warm living room.

This proved to be a bit of a mistake because Nibbles likes to be a bit of a Diva as far as his woodshavings are concerned - scraping them up with great gusto and flinging them out of every gap in his cage.  Which means that my Best Room bears more than a passing resemblence to the Baby Jesus's Stable.  Only with tiny hamster poops.

Hestia's first GIVEAWAY!!!! With Waldo Pancake

Waldo Pancake notebook!

Look - it's m'first GIVEAWAY on the blog and I couldn't be happier for it to be in conjunction with the whimsical boffins of stationery, Waldo Pancake!

If you're not already familiar with the Waldo Pancake range of goodies, please check out my own island connection with them for some images of their range.

Would you like to be in with a chance to win a goody bag of this witty kit?  Yes?!

You only need to do 2 things:

Hestia & Sonshine - loggerheads

Hestia at 8.30am this morning

Things started off fine this morning.  He came through and snuggled in beside me in bed, wittering quietly about LEGO Universe (£10 per month and apparently excellent value - can he get it? etc) which I tuned out beautifully.

He was then dispatched downstairs to get his breakfast sorted and I asked him to put on his dressing gown and slippers - because this is a VERY cold house and we have mosaic tiled floors in the hall.  Lovely, but will suck the heat out of your very soul.

By the time I saw him again, after breakfast, his nose was running and his hands and feet were freezing (no slippers on) and I pointed out to him that if he came down with pleurisy, he would end up in hospital - off the island.  And that if he was in hospital on Christmas Day, I joked, he'd be on his own because we'd all be here opening his presents.

Hestia and....The Bleak Midwinter

I'd get those gutters fixed, frankly.

Scotland put up a big 'Closed Due To Bad Weather' sign at the border a few days ago when we got hit with more snow in a week than we've had since mammoths cruised up and down Sauchiehall Street.

And I'm not talking about that hardy breed of girl that staggers around after midnight wearing a two-sizes too small boob tube and denim mini skirt in sub-zero temperatures singing Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me into an emty lager bottle whilst eying up some shivering youth waiting at a bus stop.

Hestia...is a novelist

*victorious air punch*

Yes, shuffle up there J K Rowling, get squeezed together Ian Rankin and Jackie Collins because...there is a NEW kid on the novelist bench!  Yes! MEEEEEEE!

As you can tell from the pic that accompanies this blog post, I have actually managed to write the prerequisite 50,000 words for National Novel Writing Month (nanowrimo).  Actually, I managed 50,300 words, but, well, yanno, I don't want to brag :-)

Hestia and YOU....and Children in Need!

Sonshine looking cute - go on donate £5

Tomorrow, Friday 19 November is Children in Need night on the BBC.  This worthwhile charity raises money for children's projects all over the UK and, again, some of TABI's wonderful Tarotists are planning to make your giving experience a bit more exciting!

I'm offering m'blog readers the opportunity to donate money direct to Children in Need and also to get yourself a Tarot reading into the bargain!

Over the course of the weekend (starting from tonight!) you can make a donation at TABI's justgiving page and have yourself a Tarot reading from me.

At the moment I'm the Chairman of the Tarot Association of The British Isles.  This is my fourth, yes, read my parched lips, FOURTH year on the plush red velveteen throne and I need YOU to help TABI's fundraising efforts break our £180 ceiling from last year

Since we started our justgiving pages, fellow Tarotists and supporters have donated over £1,117.00 for several good causes - including the Red Cross in Haiti.

So, what do you need to do?  Go to this page: http://www.justgiving.com/TABITarotreadings and make your donation (see below for prices of readings) and when donating, please say that it is via Hestia's Larder (helps with the admin later on!)

I am offering:

£5 for a 140-character Twitter reading (it will probably be longer than that, but it's a mathematical challenge lol!)

£15 - for a 3-card reading - delivered via e-mail or FB messaging, whichever you prefer.

£50 - 10 card Celtic Cross (the most popular standard big spread reading!) - again via e-mail or FB

£60 - 12 card Wheel of the Year (covers your next 12 months!)

Of course, you don't need to have a reading, you can just help us bust through our £180 total raised last year by making your donation via that justgiving page.  That money goes straight to the charity and is not in TABI's coffers at any stage.

Well - here we go guys!  I really hope that you can support Children in Need this year!  Bring It On!!!  Donate your cash or the teddy gets it.....

Hestia and ...the smear test

She's got the jack as AC/DC might say

So it's like this - every three years or so, we women are summoned to the GPs for a thing called a smear test.  They send us a little letter to remind us that it's due and how important it is in helping detect a pretty horrible cancer...and we read the letter and promptly put it in the back of the drawer and forget all about it.

They kindly send us another reminder and this time with a booklet telling you how it's as wonderful as faery dust to have your smear test, so will you PLEASE make an appointment.

Hestia loves....Barber's Adagio for Strings

Could do with a bit of a Persil wash, eh?

OK - so call me a hormonally challenged old fart, but I have been obsessed with Barber's Adagio For Strings ever since the spiritually aware Willem Dafoe character bit the dust in a most Christlike way in Platoon to this music.  To be honest, I think that lots of directors are equally obsessed with it using it - Michael Moore has used it in four of his documentaries somewhere!

I find that the music, coupled with the words of Max Ehrmann almost unbearably moving and so, I'm popping it onto Hestia's page to show you that I'm not all swear words and fanny waxes.

I have *pauses for dramatic effect* a poet's soul.....

Actually I must be honest and tell you that I typed 'poet's soup' there.  That's actually a LOT more honest.  I have a poet's soup :-)

Enjoy. Take your mascara off to watch it.  I'm talking to YOU Legend :-)

Hestia...is not dead

...but she sure feels like it right now *groan*  Y'see I have signed up for NaNoWriMo this year, which basically means that for the month of November I am eating, sleeping, breathing The Great British Historial Fiction Novel (Draft no: 1).  Summary - so far, it's all a bit shit.

Hestia....waxes lyrical

It might be the beginnings of a mid-life crisis, although I've been assured that women don't HAVE mid-life crises: we just get the menopause.....but I've been behaving VERY strangely lately. Granted - I haven't bought a sports car or left home to back pack to Papua New Guinea, but I did decide, for the first time in my life, to book a bikini wax.

Hestia and ......Samhain

Just a brief note as it's been pretty busy here today because it's a) Hallowe'en and b) Samhain

Everyone knows about the former - kids dressed up as Dracula conning sweeties out of you by telling hideously ancient jokes or maybe even singing a song.  Warning: Don't turn up here and expect to go Dooking For Apples without having to do some kind of a turn, mister. I am a HARD Hallowe'en taskmaster :-)

Samhain might be a bit less familiar.  It's one of the 8 main celebrations on the Wheel of The Year and it's actually my favourite one.

This is the time to see what needs to be cut out or removed from your life - got toxic friends? bad habits? unhappy memories? This is the perfect time of year to start casting them aside.

AFter all the trick or treaters have gone, we sit down to dinner.  I set an additional place at the table and dish out the food and also a glass of wine.  This setting represents all those whom we love who are not here to dine at our tables any longer.

I spend the time with Sonshine regaling him with stories of my dad, showing him pictures of his grampa...I make sure that my father's memory becomes a memory for my son - thereby keeping him alive in our hearts.  Even Tertarus gets out the old black and white pix of his parents.  It's a lovely evening, many remembered good times tinged with sadness.

Once Sonshine has gone to bed and Tertarus has got himself in front of the TV with a glass of wine, I will carry out my own private ritual - nothing very exciting, just blessings to those beyond the veil and an offer of wine (that extra glass of wine set out for dinner) to the Lord of the Underworld. I'll draw a few Tarot cards and then come back indoors to the warmth...and work up my Tarot reading for myself.

I've been busy yesterday - I made this animoto film for Will Worthington's website.  Will is quite a big wheel in the Tarot art world and I'm lucky enough to be handling his website for him.



I've not a clue why some of the images seem to be squint in the film as they are all perfectly ok on my computer!

Samhain Blessings to you all - take a little time tonight to work out what you can benefit from cutting out of your life....and let me know what you do for Samhain!

Hestia and a quick Sonshine update

The letter came home from school about a fortnight ago with all the details of the Hallowe'en School Disco. 'Are you going?' I asked my Sonshine.  I was met with a look of disdain and a snort.  That would be a 'no' then.

Cut to Monday and Sonshine announces that he has changed his mind and he IS going to the disco.  On the Thursday.  As a Zombie Abraham Lincoln.

Hestia and..the wedding of the year!

Hestia - nervous - but zipped up - HUZZAH!!

So, on her hen night, the Vet announced that she wanted me to do a reading; it could be a 4-liner or a page from Captain Corelli's Mandolin.  I wailed, I pleaded my hormones.  She would not be moved. I opted for the 4 liner.

Hestia...and The Great Escape

Hande Hoche if you're a hamster in disguise!

Juno said, right from the word go, how odd it must be to have a pet that spends its whole tiny life trying to get the FUCK away from you.  Well, my mother didn't say that EXACTLY, I'm paraphrasing...

But last night, the inevitable happened: Nibbles, the hamster, escaped.

Hestia.....gets burned at the stake at last

http://londoniscool.com/the-london-dungeons-killer-queen-bloody-mary

So, we're in the London Dungeons and we've been funnelled through crypts, vaults and even  the Ripper's Whitechapel and we are now shuffling into some kind of 18th century court room.  I've been laughing at all the terrible jokes cracked by the actor 'narrators' and having a lovely time when.....

'You there - get in the dock.'

Bugger me.  It was ME the Clerk of the Court was pointing to.

Hestia and London (in numbers)

4 - days in the glorious city

£5.76 - each, for breakfast in the hotel.  Shouldn't have booked it. Vauxhall has wonderful hispanic/portugese delis - could have had massive breakfast for all 4 of us for a fiver.

3 - of course there were only 3 of us, not 4 of us in London......  *brain a bit fuddled*

£30 each to get on!!!!

£30 - to go on the London Eye.  EACH.  We stood on the ground with ice cream cones and watched it go round and then spent £60 on BOOKS.

1 - small case with 4 days of clothing crammed in.  £60 of books can really dent your clothing space.  Came home dressed like a fecking yeti.

2- evening meals in the local Spanish restaurant - tapas - 7 plates for 3 of us.  I was so unwell I thought I had gallstones.

4 hours spent standing upright in the bathroom because of hideous pains that may or may not be gallstones. No-one came to see if I was alright, even though I was moaning gently with the pain and lack of sleep.

5 - number of museums visited - Natural History (Dinosaur heaven for a small boy); V&A (heaven for Hestia); Science Museum (Heaven for Tertarus); Imperial War Museum (small boy/big boy heaven) and....some other museum that I have temporarily forgotten.

1 - store that I actually got into on Regent Street - National Geographic Shop.  Chap behind the counter made my day by looking startled when I spoke to him in perfectly enunciated Scottish English.  He thought, for some inexplicable reason, that I was Spanish.  Made my bloody day! Wandered around pretending to be Penelope Cruz....

20 minutes - permitted shopping time in Harrods.  They do not have any ordinary looking burds working in the beauty hall there, do they?  That said, the girls at Chanel were very helpful when I looked utterly crestfallen at failing YET AGAIN to secure the illusive Paradoxal nail polish.....

1 - lunch spent with my younger brother who was down in Lahndan on business.

0 - the number of pounds that my younger brother had on him to actually contribute to lunch *sigh* somethings NEVER change.

1- visit to estoteric bookshop Watkins.  Bought a book on Sacred Geometry.  I'm sure I'll read it.  One Day.

100% necessary - my laptop to maintain communication with the Twitterverse...and to work out which Tube Station went with which museum.

Nil - quantity of digital cameras that we remembered to take with us.  Was reduced to buying a disposable camera for going to the dinosaurs in Nat History Museum.  The unfinished spool will lie in a drawer until the day Sonshine is clearing out my things after my funeral.

Nil - quantity of eye-make up remover that I brought with me.  Removed my mascara every night with neat soap on folded up bit of toilet roll.  Class.  Now have eyes like pissholes in snow.

1 - spiritual home - the V&A - I'm coming back to visit just a bit more of it.  Only managed the jewellery, the gallery with all the buddhas, the fashion section and the SHOP!!!!! The SHOP is fablas!!!!  Nearly bought myself a Ballet Russe scarf for £18.50 only to find out at the till it was £185.00!! (note to self - take reading glasses with you EVERYWHERE)

200% disappointed that I didn't manage to meet up with Christina from Fashion's Most Wanted :-(

1 - noisy radiator.  It was like the bowels of a ship when it cranked into gear in the early morning.

nil - hot water for a shower by 8am thanks to the legion of early risers.

5 - breakfasts that consisted of 2 tiny croissants*, 2 half slices of dutch cheese, 2 x quarter slices of gammon, one coffee and a tub of something indescriminate which may, or may not, have been yoghurt.  *Nearly brought one home as a captive wife for Kevin in the breadbin for Part 2 of the experiment into dough eugenics.

100% wanted to stay in London.  I love it.  Much greener than I expected.  OK - people drive like bloody madmen, but I could get used to that......I confess to casting an eye over a sign that said Seasonal Waiting Staff required and wondering whether Tertarus and Sonshine would really miss me if I ran away to London to pursue my dreams.

If only I knew what my bloody dreams were.

Hestia loves.....Lahndan

Not the view from our hotel

From the moment the plane banked steeply over central London and the glittering glass of Canary Wharf reached up its slender arms towards me through the shimmering blue haze, I knew that I was in severe danger of falling head over heels for London.

Like a kid, I peered out the window over the top of Sonshine's head, misting up the glass as I pointed out The Gherkin, the O2 Arena and the building site that is London's 2012 Olympics.  Sonshine nodded sagely: 'Just like on the telly, isn't it Mum?'

Hestia and The Hen Night (in numbers)

4pm - the ferry that I caught.  Had wanted to meet up with some old friends (B&C) in Glasgow on Sat afternoon, but they weren't going to be about.

7.15pm - the time we had booked the taxi to take us to the Cocktail Bar in Glasgow city centre.

7.20pm - The time the other two reprobates FINALLY showed up.

7.30pm - We walk into the cocktail bar with me saying how I'd wanted to meet up with my old friends and GUESS WHO IS SITTING HAVING THEIR DINNER IN THE SAME RESTAURANT???? B&C!!!! The weirdness continued because apparently my name had just been uttered before I tottered  towards them in the restaurant.

1 - the number of Cosmpolitan cocktails I had - I was going to be SENSIBLE tonight.

6 - The number of bottles of wine we had with dinner - two fizzy, four red.  The idea of being sensible is long dead and I have confessed about having Kevin in my bread bin:

'So, you've got a shaun o pacalatte in your bread bin,' giggled M.

'A WHAT?'

'Yer wee Kevin guy, he's a shaun o pacalatte,' repeats M taking, perhaps unwisely, yet another glass of red wine from our never ending supply of bottles.

'Pain au Chocolate,' I corrected before bursting into uncontrolled fits of laughter and had to be escorted to the toilet because I thought I'd honestly wet myself.

100% - mascara all over my face after laughing at the shaun o pacalatte spoonerism.

50% - dry knickers.

0 - number of brain cells fully engaged when deciding whether to go HOME TO BED or go on to the CASINO.

£30 - spent on betting chips in the casino.

4.00am - the time our £30 was finally removed from our sweaty little hands and we were poured into taxis home.

7am - when I looked at the clock and wondered whether I should just get up to be sick to get it over and done with.

8am - the time I had to rouse my exhausted body from bed and get ready to go to the venue with the bride.

1 - slice of toast to keep me going.

1 - number of times me and the mad woman from Kilmarnock got lost trying to find the Kilmarnock Road.  Hint:  It's so big you can see it from space.

10am - time we arrived at the venue, wearing shades and starting to shake a wee bit.

100% enthusiasm for the venue for the wedding in a fortnight's time.  Gorgeous!

1 Blank stare given to us when we asked whether it was possible for us to buy breakfast......

0 - packets of crisps or sweeties in the car glove boxes....- we checked.

10.30 - the time I gave up trying to feel normal and confessed that I felt like total shit and needed to go home.

1 - Mad Woman From Kilmarnock who volunteered to drive me to  Wemyss Bay (I loves her)

3 - scrambled egg rolls purchased from the ferry cafe.

1pm - time I rolled through the front door, dropped my case and headed quietly for the painkillers

24 - hours until we are in London.  I sure hope I fecking feel better than this for our flight tomorrow at 10am. *help me face*

What about you lot?

Hestia and Tertarus ;-)

So, it's been a very busy week!

Went to see Juno on Sunday - not seen her for AGES - and other than the odd 'you never phone me and I'm sitting here alone' comment, it all went rather well.

On Monday I went to Glasgow to meet up with a fellow Tarotist - just for an hour, but very worthwhile indeed.

On Tuesday, at last, I got the new ring resized - will put up a picture of it.  And Sonshine, Nibbles and I wended our weary way home to the island.

Wednesday - cleaning operations commenced.  Really, I say this EVERY time Tertarus is due home, but I MUST become a bit more domesticated.  Even *I* get frustrated by the piles of crap left around.  I am blaming my creative gene, but surely there must be creative and TIDY people out there?!  If there are, bugger off, it's MY excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Thursday - the Day of Tertarus's return.  The house is still a midden.  I am now nearly 3 veg boxes behind and the flies in the kitchen are assuming Old Testament proportions.  I have the Vapona out on an hourly basis and dumped my recycling bin out on the back step.

We get the call from Tertarus - Glasgow Airport for 6pm.

I do a quick calculation - I need to be on the 4pm ferry.  I have not hoovered the stairs nor drained the fetid mush out of the salad drawer in the bottom of the fridge.

Sonshine then decides to make a volcano.  In the kitchen.  With Vinegar.  And Bicarbonate of Soda. 

What a fugging mess. 

I was so exasperated that I could not even swear at him - just blinked mutely at the hitherto gleaming work surfaces and the white powdery clouds on the carpet tiles.

I clean and clean and clean and still there is something that needs doing.....I fling Sonshine into the car and we bolt for the ferry.  I have no jacket - but does not matter - weather is lovely.  I roll down window to hand over ferry tix.  Nae purse.  Nae Ferry Tickets.  Nae Chance of getting on.  As the cars start to board, I do a u-turn and zoom home to get the offending items.

Of course, the ferry waits for No Man (sometimes the ambulance though) and I had some more time to clean.  But I HAD to catch the 4.45pm boat or I would be completely fucked.

We did catch it, of course.  And hurtled our way up the M8 to the airport, checking my watch every 5 minutes and listening to Sonshine twittering away about dinosaurs drinking coffee and other such crap. I feigned interest convincingly and pulled into the airport.

Now, while we may be happy to punch you in the face if you try to blow up our airport - even if you are on fire - we are VERY unhappy about what has been done to our airport subsequently.  Roads closed, shuffled, altered...new lanes....there's a new drop off point every time I go.  Sonsine and I found ourselves corralled in an outside car park.  I could not be fagged going around again and we just parked and legged it to the terminal building.

It's a small airport really and within minutes of arriving in the international arrivals hall, my phone rang.  Tertarus had just picked up his case and could see us.....swear to God, Sonshine DID pee his pants when he saw his dad trugging his case along the corridor.

They threw themselves at each other.  I got a peck on the cheek.  Sonshine and he set about a wildly animated conversation and I sank into the background.  Surplus to requirements again.  I heaved a sigh of relief and wondered what his initial domestic inspection would uncover when we get home.

I realise with sinking heart that I've left the recycling bin, with its colony of flies sitting on the back step.  Oh well, too late to do anything about it now.  And we all head for the car and home......


PS - do not google 'calmac pix' with your son leaning over your shoulder.  I cannot BEGIN to tell you what pops up on page 3 of google images, but it's got bugger all to do with Caledonian MacBrayne's boats *shocked face*

Hestia loves.....Dot Animation

With thanks to @beckintl on Twitter for the link to this lovely little bit of animation:



I particularly love the bumblebee flying over the pencil shavings.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Ali x

Hestias week in numbers

24 - The number of white lines I painted on Sunday afternoon on to West Island Way waymarker signs to help my friends J & M get tidied up for M's holiday with their daughter.

1 - The number of times I told M that if he criticised my white lines in any way, shape or form, I'd toe the paintbrush right up his arse. 

Of course, I didn't REALLY say that at all.  But I thought the thought REALLY hard to myself whenever he came up to check on the standard of my work......I think my expression might have spoken a thousand words that ended with the sentiment of having a paintbrush inserted in an exit... ;-D

Hestia loves ...Ashes and Snow

The photography of Gregory Colbert - Ashes and Snow

Bookstore

Portfolio

I love these photos, hope you do too - please visit the site to see a much better collection of them.

Happy Wednesday :-)

Hestia...caught red handed

Sonshine and the Meerkat have just got in from school, and, ever the conscientious mother, I have just shouted hello downstairs to them and not bothered my ass to go and see what they're doing.

Sonshine has just walked into the office, not 5 minutes ago with a book, namely this book, and said: 'What's THIS?'

I was intending to 'tidy' it away at some point today.  It's a book on burlesque strippers from the 1950s.  Basically, it's a book of black and white girlie pictures - the best known burly girls from the 50s.

Mortified, I said that it was my book and that I was interested in it all for the art.

He looked unimpressed and said he was going to tell his dad when he gets home.  I've had to offer them blue ice cream to forget all about it........

Role reversal or what?

Hestia....and The Foo Fighters

Foo Fighters - Learn To Fly (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: Foo Fighters

I love this video because it shows a band able to take the piss out of themselves. What I love about Dave Grohl in particular is that he can look really ultra-geeky....and then really sexy. Well, I think he's sexy...especially with his long hair these days *sigh*

Anyway - Dave plays himself, the school girl, the fat lady, the 'steward', the pilot and the FBI man at the end. And Jack Black plays the drug smuggler :-)

I love this track, play it every Hogmanay VERY loudly !!!

Normal service resumed tomorrow :-)

Hestia.....and Church

Sonshine was up and about suspiciously quietly yesterday morning.  Sneaking downstairs without coming in for his Sunday morning cuddle and the usual stream of consciousness drivel that is 'conversation' to a 10 year old boy.

Thankful for the long-lie, I luxuriated in bed, fighting a nagging feeling that I Should Be Doing Something.  But no matter how deeply I dredged the sleepy Hestia RAM, nothing was coming up.  I assumed that I had dreamed it all and dozed happily.

Eventually, I no longer resist the flood of sunshine pouring through my bedroom windows (note: CLOSED bedroom windows) and I casually got my dressing gown and slippers.  I wafted through to the computer and caught up with a couple of e-mails. 

Half way through an e-mail the Something That I Should Be Doing surfaced from the morass of my mind.

Sonshine was singing in the Harvest Festival at church.  In an hour. 

Hestia and...the fashion blog tag

Blessed with a very quirky sense of humour, Christina Lindsay over at Fashion's Most Wanted included Hestia's Larder in her Fashion Blog tag. To be mentioned in the same breath as all those wonderful clothes/fashion bloggers by the gorgeous Christina is a bit daunting, but *pulls up her Big Girl Pants* I LIKES a challenge!

So - here goes.  I was nominated by Christina and if you have the tiniest glimmer of interest in fashion, I would urge you to get over to Fashion's Most Wanted.  Not only blessed with a fabulous address book crammed with well-known names, she has a wardrobe to DIE FOR.  Quite why she has nominated me for the fashion tag is anyone's guess......

Hestia v the window

Can one come round and close my effing window, please?

This was not how I planned to spend my child-free Friday night, believe me.  I was plunking away at the pc, googling inexpensive hotels in central London for our forthcoming 4-day adventure to the capital and I spotted a huge bumble bee struggling at the window.

Consumed with buddhist-like compassion for my fellow creature, I opened the window and flapped him out - and therein began my troubles.

Hestia....what pink eyes you've got!

Check out my pink eyes! Say nothing about my big ears though

So I thought I'd do a light-hearted blog about mascaras - try to give these excellent make-up bloggers that I love a run for their shekels.  Something witty and informative that involved wearing each of my mascaras for a day and probing the following important areas:

1 - Does it do what the advertising schmaltz claims that it will?  Am I thicker? longer? Better than falsies?
2 - Does it make my eyes itchy by 5pm?
3 - How much comes off when you cry at the NSPCC advert or Who Do You Think You Are?
4 - Ease of removal at night
5 - Do you have panda eyes in the morning?

As you can see, it would have been a hugely important blog post in the entire history of blogging - possibly even an award winner that would prompt a change of career and a magazine column advising about matt, gloss or eggshell finishes on one's lipstick.  Tom Ford, all you need to do is call me..... yeah, well, I'm prone to day dreaming as you can see.

Hestia....consults the cards!

The Fortune Teller - Caravaggio

In my other life, you know, the one that doesn’t involve having watery eyes staring at the pc screen all day, I’m a professional Tarotist.

Well, I SAY professional, I’m using the term very loosely, because I’ve not taken on much paid work because I’m up to my gypsy hoop earrings with interesting displacement activities - blogging, building websites, obsessing over litter and generally being a bit menopausal.

Hestia...and the fire-breathing dragon

http://goodlifezen.com/

My Frabjous Day disintigrated at about 3.30pm yesterday afternoon. The parental amongst you might recognise this as the time small children come crashing through the door with tales of playground derring-do, wicked teachers and inedible packed lunches

Sonshine had a small friend with him, a lovely little bespectacled meerkat of a child whom I adore.  He eats everything.

Hestias loves...Maria Mena

Heard this a lot on Radio 2 recently, but it's from quite an album that is a couple of years old, I think? Anyone got the album? She is very young and VERY talented.

Ali x

Hestia and ...the frabjous day!

Hestia and the ironing monster

Callooh! Callay!  Tis truly a frabjous day in the land of Hestia!

I have a monster mountain of ironing that needs slaying and I CAN'T DO IT!

Yessiree - yesterday  my vorpal blade (ie the iron) threw its hand in and promptly tripped the main circuit breaker every time I tried to iron something.  Three times the power went down!

The final time was when my beamish boy was doing something on the mac with a binweevil or some such social networking crap for under 12s.  He called upstairs to me 'You need to stop doing the housework - the electricity doesn't like it!'

And who is to argue with either a grumpy beamish boy or the Bandersnatch that is Electricity?

Hestia loves...the Glasgow Boys (in numbers)

Old Willie - Guthrie

9.30 - the time of the ferry that we catch to the mainland

1st - outing to the mainland in the new car.  Indicators still giving me trouble.  Day Carer looks concerned, but not overly so.

£1 - cost of parking for 4 hours at Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Muesum (surely we'll be round the exhibition in 4 hours.  SURELY?!

£5 the cost of a ticket to the Glasgow Boys Exhibition per head.  Not too eye-watering, plus rest of museum can be explored for FREE.

Hestia....toots her trumpet for local artists

Ruth Slater - Chicken

I love art.  I love looking at paintings, photos, sculpture....the whole nine yards.  For years I've been telling Tertarus that the continually slovenly appearance of our bedroom is an hommage to Tracy Emin.

Hestia covets.....

The Throgmorton - I wants it BAD

......The Throgmorton ladies watch.


I don't tend to wear a watch, preferring instead to rely on clocks around the house if I need to get anywhere.  And let's face it, I don't go anywhere!


My last surviving watch gave up the ghost after I accidentally smashed the crystal glass whilst working in the garden.


Juno gave me instructions earlier this year that I *needed* to get a watch and that she would spring for one as a birthday gift.


I perused page after page of watches - all nice in their own way, but nothing that really struck me as MINE.  Then THIS one caught my eye.


It's made by J & T Windmills of London and is just what I'm looking for in a watch.

Hestia and .....mental deterioration

Will she be this year's John Sargent?

Scene 1:  The ferry, heading for mainland and the glory of The Glasgow Boys exhibition in Kelvingrove Art Gallery....the conversation has fallen to the welcome return of Strictly Come Dancing to the telly.....

Me:  I hope Anne Widdicombe does ok.  I hate when people take the piss out of older, less agile folk.

Day Carer:  Anne Widdicombe?

Me:  Yes, you know, the MP?  Writes books?

Day Carer:  Mmmmm - not sure, enlighten me.

Me:  SHE was the MP who said: 'He has something of the night about him about.....fuck.....you know......Tory MP'

Dar Carer *blank expression*

Me:  You KNOW......not John Major....but of that time.  Oh GOD I can see his FACE.......glasses.....smarmy looking

Day Carer: 'Alan Clarke?'

Me:  Nooooooooooooooooo - much smarmier looking.  Oh for God's SAKES........he was a Cabinet Minister.  He might even have been leader of the Tory party....

Day Carer:  Michael Heseltine? William Hague?    Was he Scottish?

Me:  Noooooooooooo not Scottish.  English.  Oh - this is going to drive me mad ALL day  *fade out*

Hestia and .....the goddamned fashion wilderness

Hestia in the fashion desert

EMERGENCY POSTING!

My friend The Vet is getting married in October and my good Monsoon frock is getting its third outing.

I got a couple of years ago for a friend's wedding.  Since then it's been worn to another wedding (well, entirely different set of folks - they weren't to know that it was bought for another gig) and this lot of reprobates won't know that it's not brand new either.  They'll be drunk.

Hestia and bramble jam #fail

Despite, my injuries (wounded pride more than anything) I picked loads of brambles yesterday and set-to having a very Hestia-inspired day. The kitchen was littered with mixing bowls and used pots as I gamely tried to make meat-balls, lasagne and bramble jam ALL AT THE SAME TIME *waits for applause*.

Hestia and THE STIG

No - it never WAS Michael Shumacher

Would you credit it? All this palavar about The Stig and the BBC taking out an injunction to prevent him from disclosing all  in his autobiography, when the original Stig brought out his autobiography YONKS ago!

Yes, I met The Stig at a racing event out at Mount Stuart many years ago.  And he was signing copies of HIS autobiography.

Hestia warns...bramble picking is not for wooses

The spell of warm and dry weather is just about to break, so I decided to take a freezer bag with me on my jog to Loch Fad this morning - with a view to running very hard and very fast to the Loch itself and then having a gentle amble back up the farm tracks whilst filling my freezer bag with brambles.

For a start, there was no 'very hard or very fast' running.  My legs felt like lead for some reason.  I'm going to put it down to hormones rather than a weekend of cakes and strong coffee.

Plus, the wind was blowing into my face. I'm not a dog.  I don't enjoy that.

Hestia and....autumn gardening

don't be daft - of COURSE these are not mine!

I love Autumn, it's the perfect time to sit down with your catalogues and spend (at least in your imagination) vast sums of money on bulbs and shrubs for next year.

Ah - next year....the optimism and potentiality of next year is what keeps gardeners going.  Where you can draw a line under all the failures of this year and plan ahead for a Bright New Tomorrow.

Next year....

I WILL remember to stake up the poppies before they get too tall.
I WILL water the tomatoes EVERY day whether they need it or not.  
I WILL remember to plant out all my little seedlings and not leave them to perish, utterly forgotten, in the cold frame.
I WILL plant a bed for cutting flowers.

I WILL plant lots of vegetables.
I WILL harvest said vegetables and not leave them to rot in the ground.
I WILL keep my garden notebook up to date and not leave it in the shed for snails to eat like I did this year.


Next year I will.....

1 - Figure out a way to stop the neighbours cats from shitting in my greenhouse and polytunnel as soon as my back is turned.  Let me clarify that.  Let me find a way to stop them WITHOUT resorting to using poison or the air rifle.  Believe me, you only need to pick ONE strawberry with a splatter of cat shit on it and poison seems like a perfectly reasonable option.

2 - I WILL have a soft fruit harvest next year.  I will work out how those bloody birds and mice are stripping my glossy-berried redcurrants bare in the 24 hour window between me noticing that they are ripe and coming out with a bowl to pick them.  I got NOTHING this year.

I had to harvest my gooseberries when they were as hard as Katie Price's tits - but they made lovely jam. The gooseberries that is.

3  I have only one planting combination in my mind that I MUST get organised for next year - some Crocosmia (Montbretia) called Lucifer (fiery red flowers and deep green foliage) and Agapanthus bulbs - big, blowsy, purple/blue flowers that are going to look GREAT with Lucifer.  And yes, they flower at the same time!

images shamelessly nicked from gardenersworld.com

Share your SS11 gardening plans!

cerigtostigma willmttanium - suggested by viv

Cerinthe purpurescens - as suggested by Viv

Hestia tuts....at Wayne Rooney

Not even your official wallpaper can make you handsome

Oh Wayne, Wayne, Wayne......what have you done this time?!

When are you going to realise that Colleen is probably the only woman on the planet who sleeps with you because she loves you and not because of your massive wallet?

Hestia..contemplates Sonshine's oral hygiene

...and Sonshine at last grasps why his Evil Mother makes him chew his plaque disclosing tablets at NIGHT and not before SCHOOL in the morning.........

Yeah, sorry if you were eating something nice.....  it's not his most winning smile.

Now - GO AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH!

Hope you have a lovely weekend!  See you Monday :-)

Hestia loves...Fee Doran

Who? WHO?!  Oh believe me, you might not recognise the name, but you sure as heck will recognise her work!

Remember this?

Well, Fee Doran is the designer behind the label Mrs Jones and THAT jumpsuit was one of hers.

She's featured over at Fashion's Most Wanted in an interview. And what an interview!  If you're sitting with a cup of coffee and a kitkat and looking for something to read, get your tail over to Fashion's Most Wanted and fill your boots!

Don't say I'm not good to you......

Hestia drools over ....new journals

Bookshops are my refuge from the slings and arrows of every day life.  When I enter a bookshop, the same sense of peace infuses me that I’d imagine people experience when they enter a church.

Somehow, nothing bad can happen to me while I’m perusing books.  I love the smell of the new paper and the print.  I love the uncracked spines.  I love the weave of safety, sanity, beauty and escape that I find amongst the book stacks.

Hestia has......a new baby!

M'new baby!

So, it came to pass that the insurance debacle was sorted out and Thursday saw me flying down the roads of Ayrshire towards my new baby, my mini clubman.

I was a bit anxious about it all because I'd not even had a test drive in it (Tertarus:  'It's a mini.  You've got a mini. You don't need a test drive.') and I would be required to discuss some code words with the bank to prove that I wasn't a drug baron laundering money on small cars.  If anything is designed to make you sound shifty, it's discussing your passwords with the bank on the phone.

Hestia loves...M&S

Continuing in the spirit of Zero Waste Week I found this info on the M&S website:

"Nothing to wear, but no room for more? Free up some space and fund next season's style. On Wednesday 8th September we're making it even easier. Bring the M&S clothes you no longer wear into participating M&S stores and you'll receive a £5 voucher* there and then."

Find a participating store**.

Hestia's favourite men

s

Someone actually sent me an e-mail asking me about Tertarus.  Of course, I haven't told him.  He would be utterly unbearable to live with.

But I have to say that Tertarus's pic won't be making an appearance on the blog.

He'd go mad. 

Anyway, here are some of my favourite men.

Mr Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters - funny and sexy.

Mr George Clooney. Dreaming about this man has kept me sane during many a tedious meeting.

Nicked from Fashion's Most Wanted's blog :-)

Quirky, funny, sensitive and, frankly, just a bit odd.  Mr Depp is one of my favourites.  Looook at those cheekbones!

Hugh Jackman.  What else is there to say?  If you can't see it, I can't explain it.....

 So, you're probably thinking that Tertarus looks like the above. Wrong.  He actually looks more like this:

Duncan Bannatyne

After being hit in the face several times with one of these:

 But I love him anyway ;-)