30 Mar 2012

Hestia screams like a GIRL

She must have seen his acting
Tartarus was definitely NOT coming with me to see The Woman in Black.  Blessed with a stomach that can tolerate cleaning out sewerage pipes with his BARE HANDS, it does not extend to being able to cope with a screaming ghost.  Or Daniel Radcliffe's acting.

So it was with great trepidation that my Day Carer agreed to accompany me to the cinema last night.  The last scary film she watched was Carrie. And that took her many hours and many visits to the kitchen for restorative cups of tea to plough through, eventually reaching the end with a relieved sigh, she stood up to switch off the TV. Only for Carrie's hand to shoot through the soil of her grave and scare the soil out of my Day Carer.

I persuaded her to come by pointing out it was a 12A. 'How bad can it be?' I mocked gently.

Well, I won't give the game away, but it was stuffed to the gunnels with stoney-eyed locals who loomed out of the mist at every opportunity saying things like : We don't waaaant you here. Git back on t'train t' Lahndahn.'

My brief review is this:  Daniel Radcliffe is now a fully-paid up member of the Keanu Reeves Woodwork School of Acting.  There are lots of dead children with white faces.  There is a Woman in Black who pops up alarmingly in a dark and spooky old house.  Victorian Toys are inherently demonic in appearance.  And never, EVER open the front door when you've just seen a muddy apparition approaching it.

I actually said OUT LOUD in the cinema, as I clutched at my Day Carer's sleeve: 'Don't open the bloody door! Are you MAD?' to embarrassed titters from the unflappable teenagers sitting around us.

It's a fine film that ratchets up the supernatural tension beautifully.....taking you to the brink of a VERY scary moment, pulling back and then BAM - faces at windows, screaming spectral women... new knickers required.

And I will never sit in a rocking chair EVER again.

I must get mobilised now to go to church and witness Sonshine's epic performance as Barnaby in the Easter Story.  I am now informed that he also plays the role of Disciple 10.

I know.  Disciple 10.  Very disappointed he didn't get to be Jesus 1.


29 comments:

  1. I understand the makers had just bought stocks in Depens and Tena Lady in anticipation of the effect.
    Might go and see it next Wednesday night, if I can face it after the horrors of taking 45 French kids from Paris to the fleshpots of Colchester.
    Viv

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    1. 45 French kids to Colchester? Now, there's a horror film right there!

      Have you seen Son of Rambow? The French exchange student in that was a total hoot!

      Ali x

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  2. thank you for saving the price of a ticket....bless him but the shadow of Harry is a long one....one doesn't he do some grungy-drugy-indie....or not?? Good luck to Sonshine .... I played mary once but that was a loooooooooong time ago!! x

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    1. There was just something about the way he delivered his lines. Maybe it's the shadow of Harry Potter. I did want to shout, when he was out prowling around the tomb-filled grounds 'dooooon't go out there - them's DEATH EATERS!!!" but restrained myself.

      He reminded me of Keanu Reeves. Lovely to look at, but largely decorative. Like a vase.

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  3. LOL I never watch scary films :-) Didn't Jesus' disciples all have names ??

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    1. I half expected them to come out in football tops! The meerkat was Disciple No 4, which turned out to be Thomas. I took some pix, but we're not allowed to load them up to the intertubes.

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  4. I didn't even find the book that scary .. but I do find the thought of you in the cinema hilarious xx

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    1. Was it a book? I never realised that! I do love to be scared in the cinema :-D

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  5. I can't wait to see this, but will wait for the DVD. The DVD and a sunny afternoon and my daughter and dog on sofa with me - I am such a wuss I screamed out loud in Jagged Edge and had to have my heart restarted after What Lies Beneath (I go to cinema about once a decade!). Oh and don't get me started on Ju On The Grudge!!!!!!

    Based on previous information, I'm a little bit worried about dear Sonshine's grasp of the finer details of the Easter Story. He does know it doesn't take place in Midsommer, doesn't he?
    xxxxxxxxx

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    1. Mrs E - it was actually a rather lovely service with some of the most unlikely children showing that there is more to them than purple cards and letters sent home to their parents! Not Disciple 10 though - he barely opened his mouth to sing. But as the thief Jesus 'Barnaby' he excelled at exulting his freedom :-)

      Film is great fun, but a lot scarier than I remember other Hammer Horrors being!

      Ali x

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  6. Has your Day Carer forgiven you yet? ;)

    I started your Daniel-as-Keanu sentence with high hopes... then came the wooden reference. Ah... not too promising then.

    Hope Sonshine is MUCH better in his performance. Two roles eh! And what part is Clean Amy playing? xx

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  7. I think that I SAW clean Amy!!! If it's the girl I think it is, she was a scenery shifter - as women don't feature too highly in the Easter Story. But a lovely girl. And so CLEAN!

    Day carer HAS forgiven me, but has said she''s never letting me pick the movie that we go to see again :-D

    I am perhaps too harsh on Mr Radcliffe. He has beautiful blue eyes.

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  8. I remember when some of the kids at my school went to see the play. There was a lot of screaming.

    I have no desire to see this film and you have ensured that I wont. Thank you. Also Keanu Reeves was really good in Thumbsucker, but I am still not sure if that is because he was being really funny and playing up to perceptions of this acting, or acting badly and the film just made that work. He plays a hippy orthodontist who has a wolf as his spirit animal.

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    1. Keanu's finest hour was Bil'sl and Ted's Excellent Adventure - but hey, I'll give Thumbsucker a go. I blame you if I then develop a crush on Mr Reeves....

      AX

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  9. I avoid all such troubles by never watching scary movies, not even in daylight ;D As for Sonshine, just the fact that he had TWO roles must count in his favour, right? And a sighting of clean Amy! Make the most of it, you know what teens are like about letting their parents see or know anything going on in their lives!

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    1. I think it was a last minute thing, Chloe. One boy was condemned to the sin-bin (with a classroom assistant) behind the Minister. I suspect he was Disciple 10 :-)

      Clean Amy was either a scenery-shifter or one of Caiaphus's henchmen with a black cloak and an air of Darth Vader about her.

      Ali x

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  10. It's the thought of Harry Potter in it that puts me off, I don't know whether I could take it seriously. I'm not too keen on horror films although I adore Pan's Labyrinth and the Devil's backbone, maybe it's the subtitles that make it less scary?
    Hope Sonshine does you proud, maybe Jesus No 1 next year?
    The audience sound like the population of Walsall, my brother was nearly beaten up for "looking like he came from Birmingham", an entire 9 miles up the road. xxx

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    1. I love Pan's Labyrinth too, Vix! Watched it through spread fingers the first time lol! It's very scary fairytale stuff - what's not to like. Well, maybe the violence in the real-life bits with the Spanish resistance....

      Looking like he came from Birmingham?! Brum has the most diverse-looking populus I think I've encountered. Even if you were pea-green, you'd need to rob a bank to stick out of the ordinary in Birmingham :-D

      Have fab time in Goa!

      Ali x

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  11. Thanks for the warning. I don't like scary films, so this one is off my list. (I once ran out of Alien 2 becuase I was so SCARED)

    Impressed with Sonshine, tell him well done, TWO roles!
    But I must ask, who the hell is Barnaby?
    A demon?
    An apostle?
    A teddy bear?

    My own dear boy once had a part as one of the Three Wise Men. He played him as a Drunk and a Gay. Not really a successful interpretation, even though I found it quite amusing, most of the audience didn't.

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    1. TSB - he is Barabbas the thief. But in his eyes, he's Barnaby. He did put himself forward to be Judas Priest (turned out to be Judas Iscariot - too much time listening to his dad's ipod!)

      Ali x

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  12. I just about shit myself if I bump into something unexpected in the night on one of my trips to the loo, so I am maybe not a good candidate for scary films. If I want to be involved in mass hysteria, spooky faces at the window, or gratuitous violence, I just need to go on one of my son's school excursions. xx

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  13. ROFPML! School trips with the wean's class *shudder* I know what you mean.

    Maybe you should get a below-the-bed for those night-time moments. Save on the long walk to the loo :)

    Ali x

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  14. THis is the sort of film I have to watch in my own flat, in complete daylight, with other people I fear. I don't even BELIEVE in ghosts, and these sort of films scare the crap out of me.

    If it helps at all, I shouted 'Don't run UP the stairs, you stupid woman!' when we went to see Scream at the cinema.

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    1. The only people that seemed to squeak and jump were the Day Carer and I - it was HUGELY embarassing. We seem to have turned into our mothers....

      Deffo a case of Don't Watch Alone. You won't remember that, you're too young :-)

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  15. Ive heard all the girls talking about this film.For me it has two things which I CANT abide Victorian toys(its the eyes) and the ubiquitous rocking chair.I shan't be going which is actually no surprise really since the last time I went to the cinema was the mid eighties(Michael Jacksons Thriller).

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    1. The toys were scary as all get out. No wonder the Victorians had some hang-ups, their kids were scared shitless.

      I don't think you've missed much at the flicks since mid 80s!

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  16. It's our book club book this month. Only just started it but all very atmospheric from the beginning. Looking forward to it. I'll be alright as long as there aren't spiders in it.

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    1. Spiders are about the only thing not on the menu. At least in the film version. No idea about the book. Tell me whether it's worth getting or not!

      Ali x

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  17. C'mon AliX, 10 days between posts?
    That's not like you.

    Where Tartarus?
    Where Shonshine?
    Where Clean Amy?
    WHERE KEVIN?

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