7 Feb 2012
Hestia and Sonshine
But Valentine's Day will be upon us and I can't bear the thought of him not getting a card. He's never had a card, but this will be the first year that he'll REALISE he hasn't had a card. I am torn. Should I send him one myself?!
If there is one thing worse than not getting a Valentine Card, it must be realising that the one you did get was actually from your mother....
Anyway, am still thinking about that.
Yesterday, he came home in a total strop. Some small boy had been shouting abuse about ME to Sonshine and he spent 3/4 of an hour trying to catch the little shit as they came down the hill from school. Which was, of course, the desired result by the boy. This is the same child who has insulted me before. And to whom Sonshine tartly replied: 'Is your dad going to just keep going until he gets a good-looking one?' This child is one of four. Or is it five?
'What sort of thing did he call me?' I asked.
And out it came. The sort of language that I don't even expect from his father and HE'S a sailor.
I must have looked a bit shocked because Sonshine shot upstairs and returned in his jeans and sweatshirt.
'I'm going out. And I may be some time,' he announced dramatically.
'What are you going to do?' I asked. My son is a lover, not a fighter.
'I'm going to beat the crap out of him. Sorry mum.'
I pulled him towards the computer. 'I have a lot of very clever friends and some very rude ones. They will have some great things that you can shout back, rather than thumping him.'
'Like what?' he grumbled, unconvinced.
'Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries,' I intoned in a heavy French accent. 'Of course, you haven't actually SEEN Monty Python and The Holy Grail yet, have you?'
I had a think. 'How about feculent cockchafer?'
He grinned. 'What's cockchafer mean?' (he is already VERY familiar with feculent) I told him. 'It's a beetle. I googled and showed him the picture.
And then on facebook my friends started sending me links to some very funny sites - Shakespearean insults, brilliant one-liner put downs.....his mood lightened.
'So you're not going to batter him?' I ask
'No. I'm not. I'll be back at 5pm'.
And with that he was off.
At 5pm he returned in fine fettle.
'Soooooo - how'd it go today?'
'Fine. I went up to his house and told his mum everything that he'd said about you. And I called him a feculent gnome too.'
'Riiiight. And how did that go?'
He shrugged. 'I just told her and left before she could say anything.'
Pure Page of Swords. And I love him for it.
*** Clean Amy update: Apparently she is now SITTING NEXT TO HIM at school. What this might mean is anyone's guess. I asked him what she had said, now that she was right next to him. He had a think. Well, he said, she said 'cool', 'that's my pencil' and 'really?' to me today. Ah - young love!
And now I am back to the dilemma - to Valentine or no?!
Delphic utterances by Alison Cross at 12:08
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