tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post136757326411854435..comments2023-12-22T15:36:34.148+00:00Comments on Hestia's Larder: Hestia....is tidy, but has mislaid TartarusUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-31010276475183019112011-06-09T14:08:58.737+01:002011-06-09T14:08:58.737+01:00You crack me up always. I love you. Don't work...You crack me up always. I love you. Don't work too damn hard.<br /><br />Sorry I haven't been around more. I plead work. I don't have as much fucking off time as I used to, goddammit.<br /><br />SBSarcastic Bastardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17116577711704241625noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-14151946699618618832011-06-08T22:35:11.264+01:002011-06-08T22:35:11.264+01:00Has the blighter turned up yet??Has the blighter turned up yet??Northern Snippethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07207173438875166390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-83116732967546039822011-06-08T12:49:01.426+01:002011-06-08T12:49:01.426+01:00HAHAHAHAHA. This is hilarious. I am glad you got t...HAHAHAHAHA. This is hilarious. I am glad you got the housework done. Your use of the word 'fudd' is TRULY Scottish.Lisa-Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11135752484387782593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-3129203592650733632011-06-06T10:09:04.247+01:002011-06-06T10:09:04.247+01:00Dear Sir
Further to your notification that you ha...Dear Sir<br /><br />Further to your notification that you have a package for me with $20,000 of fines attached, I can confirm that I neither ordered this package nor desire it to be delivered. In fact, I have already incurred $10,000 to ensure that the package was kept in Mexico.<br /><br />Sadly, Consuela de Valasquez de Puta IS known to me, and I would suggest that you just give Ramon the bullets he needs and we'll say no more about it.<br /><br />There may be a snotty child running around who answers to the name of Jesus Cross (deeply unfortunate, but what can you do?) and I would like him put on a plane to Glasgow Airport at the earliest opportunity.<br /><br />My apologies to you and Ramon for all the inconvenience this may have caused you.<br /><br />Yours faithfully<br /><br />A CrossAlison Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06565962059926865121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-91956810882931899972011-06-05T20:59:41.029+01:002011-06-05T20:59:41.029+01:00Aduana (Customs)
Malecón
Mexico
Dear Ms. Crass,
w...Aduana (Customs)<br />Malecón<br />Mexico <br />Dear Ms. Crass,<br />we have a man in custody who has very nasty things stuck up his bottom. He says he belongs to you. Do you want him back after his fines (US$20,000)have been paid.<br />He said "this is nothing. Wait until I get home and see the horror that is the bottom of the waste bin."<br />We worry about his sanity.<br />Please advise as to intentions.<br />Also,<br />Do you know a Sra. Consuela de Valasquez de Puta?<br />She has been screaming at us all day, and Ramón has just about had enough and wants to shoot her.<br /> <br />Please make her go away. She is mucho hermosa, but screams a lot.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-42789977633100785782011-06-05T17:43:26.685+01:002011-06-05T17:43:26.685+01:00OH has been away since Friday morning so I shall b...OH has been away since Friday morning so I shall be doing the same thing tomorrow before he gets back! The place is a shit hole!Style At Every Agehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08651040515126111051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-70238666491480992522011-06-05T16:39:43.819+01:002011-06-05T16:39:43.819+01:00Dear Consuela
We meet at last.....
I have consid...Dear Consuela<br /><br />We meet at last.....<br /><br />I have considered your option and have decided that it's a reasonable offer. I have wired $10,000 USD to your bank account on the proviso that you KEEP Tartarus.<br /><br />I would, however, be prepared to raise Jesus as my own child - God knows, the Scottish national football team needs all the help it can get.<br /><br />Please tell Tartarus that I am selling the Ducati and going on a wee holiday with the proceeds. I have also thrown paint stripper all over the front of the Subaru and it has curled off in a most artistic manner. I'll send him a photo.<br /><br />Good luck ConsuelaAlison Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06565962059926865121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-59911462455527709522011-06-04T19:11:36.595+01:002011-06-04T19:11:36.595+01:00Aiyah Conchita.
My sexi Tartarus isa stayin wit m...Aiyah Conchita.<br /><br />My sexi Tartarus isa stayin wit me an Jesus. If you wanna seeim agen, sen $10,000.<br />He also say, he scared of t "compost bin" Who he?<br /><br />Don got no amphetamines, but can sen crack if you wan.<br /><br />Jesus sends love to Sonshine, says he wans his Transformers too.<br /><br />Lotsa Love<br />ConsuelaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-9345101870353645612011-06-04T16:25:01.892+01:002011-06-04T16:25:01.892+01:00I could do with a Consuela; she sounds fab. What o...I could do with a Consuela; she sounds fab. What other wifely chores could she perform?Bee Beeautifulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06952302920939073720noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-52443946664397354382011-06-04T09:32:42.863+01:002011-06-04T09:32:42.863+01:00Blighty - thank you!
TSB - hmmm - maybe. The onl...Blighty - thank you!<br /><br />TSB - hmmm - maybe. The only way his slippers will be warmed is if I scud them off his behind :-)<br /><br />Polich Chick - that may be the single most useful bit of information I've ever received!!! Thank you :-D<br /><br />Just for the record, it is now Saturday morning and I STILL have no idea where Tartarus is. I now have visions of him thrown off a plane for drunk and disorderly behaviour and a squalid Mexican jail cell filled with big men with facial tattoos making poor Tartarus their unwilling 'friend'.......Alison Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06565962059926865121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-36356586072439340502011-06-03T20:10:31.432+01:002011-06-03T20:10:31.432+01:00Dear Ali, it sounds as if you have done enough hou...Dear Ali, it sounds as if you have done enough housework! Hope Tartarus comes home soon and that you have a lovely lazy weekend xxxBlightyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17567627987700387034noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-22994760292943967612011-06-03T19:45:08.129+01:002011-06-03T19:45:08.129+01:00I am shocked, shocked to see that such slovenly be...I am shocked, shocked to see that such slovenly behaviour is so prevalent in the "female" blogging community.<br /><br />As a hard working husband and father of two, I expect my home to be spotless when I arrive back after a hard day's work. <br /><br />I expect my beloved to have my slippers warmed and ready, and my offspring standing to attention ready for my inspection.<br /><br />I expect a hot, tasty, yet inexpensive meal on the table within 6.5 minutes of my scheduled arrival.<br /><br />I expect copious amounts of whisky and sex to be available at all times. <br /><br />I expect my beloved will refrain from "nagging" me about any unfinished tasks about the house.<br /><br />I also expect to see the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause and many, many flying pigs.<br /><br />While my expectations may tend to be a little optimistic, I can assure you that Tartarus, while he may offer helpful *coughs gently behind raised fist* suggestions regarding deficient housework, will only really have eyes for you after 6 weeks away.<br /><br />Great post AliTwisted Scottish Bastardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06825025524038296192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-35124576377168904672011-06-03T14:48:45.942+01:002011-06-03T14:48:45.942+01:00darling, when they say "dryclean only," ...darling, when they say "dryclean only," they don't really mean it. really! i was once told by a salesgirl at a very posh store that she always downgrades it by one - if it says "dryclean" she hand washes, and if it says "hand wash" she washes it in a machine on delicate, and i've been following her advice ever since with not a single solitary mess-up. that's my gift to you.the polish chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09929281676865641560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-61207970302843650732011-06-03T13:49:17.690+01:002011-06-03T13:49:17.690+01:00Vix - In my mind's eye, Jesus is younger than ...Vix - In my mind's eye, Jesus is younger than Sonshine (because I reckon the other family only came about after Sonshine was born lol!). So he's coming up for 10 this year, I believe ;-)<br /><br />Butterfly - ALL MEN ARE OCD - that's a FACT :-) They're all on a sliding scale of OCDness.....<br /><br />Mrs Exeter - he is booked to go to Assen in a couple of weekend's time, so if he is actually at the racing at the moment, I shall be VERY cross!!!!<br /><br />Sage - I have a very hard-done-by hamster too. Poor Nibbles has been cleared out ONCE in six weeks. I am resolute in my decision not to end up being Nibbles's mother too. Although I do feed him and play with him before I go to bed at night.<br /><br />YaH - a cleaner sounds like a sensible option.<br /><br />Ali xxxxxAlison Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06565962059926865121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-75597071997479298672011-06-03T13:34:30.411+01:002011-06-03T13:34:30.411+01:00You poor sod, having to tackle that lot whilst rec...You poor sod, having to tackle that lot whilst recouperating. I hope Tartarus appreciates your magnificent efforts when he finally gets back home.<br />I'm quite liking the sound of Jesus, how old is he? <br />I invited friends to stay in a moment of drunken magnamity last weekend and have just realised the lst time the spare room saw a Hoover was November, looks like I'm going to be busy. xxxVixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05263970600699632661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-30853012799558619152011-06-03T11:22:54.281+01:002011-06-03T11:22:54.281+01:00Hilarious as always. And someones comment about t...Hilarious as always. And someones comment about the Forth rail bridge - soo true. My darned house always looks like it's been burgled and my boyfriend (who thankfully doesn't live with me) has OCD. I guess opposites attract!! xx ClaireButterflyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14193292802247991359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-33948329736184865582011-06-03T11:22:17.708+01:002011-06-03T11:22:17.708+01:00Hmmm - before you kill yourself with housework, I&...Hmmm - before you kill yourself with housework, I'd check the cctv at Catalunya (Moto GP) and Isle of Man (TT) - if my husband had 'travel problems' this weekend he'd either be at one or another!!! <br /><br />How cute it will be to adopt little Jesus - is he the same age as Sonshine? - I'm sure he'll be an asset to the local football team. xxxMrs. Exeterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15228765866473642505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-89335993455457656912011-06-03T09:50:21.337+01:002011-06-03T09:50:21.337+01:00Darling..if you ever find a way to keep those plat...Darling..if you ever find a way to keep those plates a spinnin let me know.<br /><br />Seems like our house is your house, only with a Dtr instead of a Sonshine...(plus 2 dogs, an evil black cat and a hard done by hamster)<br /><br />I could never have a cleaner...in an area where everyone knows everyone else you know what its like...your filth would soon be the talk of the county and the cancer cures would result in men in bright yellow suits and a robotic arm...hell...we live too close to Dounreay to even contemplate such a thing ;)<br /><br />S xxSagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09858892210196612375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-28609366832508691062011-06-03T09:44:08.231+01:002011-06-03T09:44:08.231+01:00I'm with you on the housework front...Christin...I'm with you on the housework front...Christina is fixing me up with her cleaner but I need to give the place a good clean first.....xxYoung at Hearthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07585882466695145340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-15863811942111880362011-06-03T09:13:26.095+01:002011-06-03T09:13:26.095+01:00Mrs P - Oh I hear you, that's why I only tidy ...Mrs P - Oh I hear you, that's why I only tidy up in the few days before hubby comes home. For the rest of the 6 weeks, it slides into a Brazilian favela.....<br /><br />Misfits - sooooreee! Hubby is Tartarus. He works abroad on a dive boat - in the Gulf of Mexico. He works away for 6 weeks at a time (hence my ability to blog morning, noon and night!)<br /><br />Christina - I might get in a lady to help, just for those few days before he comes home! Can't believe your latest post - there's a PAINTING acting as a splashback!<br /><br />Linda - fortunately, my mother in law is dead. Well, that didn't come out quite right, but you know what I mean! She was the Queen of Tidy. When she died and we were emptying out her house, it was like clearing out a show house - even the drawers were tidy. When I die, we'll need a fleet of skips to clear out my tat.<br /><br />Legend - what a LEGEND you are! Musician! Chef! Tidy person! *bows down and worships*<br /><br />Alex - oh you don't want to tidy up when a 5 year-old comes to visit. Just sellotape polystyrene to sharp corners and make sure there's plenty of drink for the sleep-deprived parents!<br /><br />Trashsparkle - no-one could ever properly say that I work too hard. I'm just making a little bit of effort to make the house look less squalid!Alison Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06565962059926865121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-6597643096273335062011-06-03T04:31:44.575+01:002011-06-03T04:31:44.575+01:00Well here I am commenting at 4.30am and that is be...Well here I am commenting at 4.30am and that is because mine is not in Mexico but snoring at the side of me all night! I love tidy and clean I'm just not very good at it myself, and the problem with housework is that it is pointless because it is never 'done' - like the Forth Road Bridge - you start at one end and by the time you get to the other it needs doing again xMrs Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09280840886078748344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-44523533994225225692011-06-03T01:47:20.827+01:002011-06-03T01:47:20.827+01:00Ship? Mexico? Confused! Have not been following lo...Ship? Mexico? Confused! Have not been following long enough to understand - any chance of a quick recap for we newbies? <br /><br />Sarah xxxAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16235255775524330362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-23968165357910936072011-06-03T01:04:30.495+01:002011-06-03T01:04:30.495+01:00Dearest Ali, I absolutely LOVE your posts on your ...Dearest Ali, I absolutely LOVE your posts on your lack of domestic goddessness. I loved every word of that. Orange thread on his black jeans? The Mexican other family? Brilliant and extremely funny.<br /><br />I find a cleaner once a week, definitely a dishwasher (I can't bear washing up) and a quick tidy before bed is the only way for me. Otherwise a skip is necessary. I'm not tidy but I manage this way.<br /><br />Love you xxChristina @ Fashion's Most Wantedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06583201549332262341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-24449339629140207902011-06-02T23:13:55.721+01:002011-06-02T23:13:55.721+01:00Dear Alison, You sound like the veritable goddess ...Dear Alison, You sound like the veritable goddess you are! It is quite unpleasant the state one can work oneself into when one feels one is going to be judged. I get that way when my mother-in-law comes to visit - she found my housekeeping wanting nine years ago and I still remember the sting of shame. These days I am prepared but possibly not as warm as I once was. I hope that your husband comes home simply happy to be with you and Sonshine and finds fault with nothing and no one. LindaxxxLinda Back in Canberrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00178732122269665163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776380217462070463.post-88180782524431981432011-06-02T23:08:42.528+01:002011-06-02T23:08:42.528+01:00My life at home is all housework. Mrs Legend is un...My life at home is all housework. Mrs Legend is unaware of the hoover (or a dust pan) location and use of, as well as the location of the washing machine, but not the laundry basket. Meals appear as if by magic, and dishes put themselves back in the cupboard.....or so it seems. It is vastly over rated, so you have the best policy.<br />Great post as usual. It is so nice to delve back into the blogosphere.Wally Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05992375461165449990noreply@blogger.com