So, I eventually managed to cobble together a whole hour of me talking about Tarot year cards for 2013 for half a dozen of the radio station's volunteer presenters.
But it took hours of work.
Honestly? It took DAYS of work.
I had so much to say that I had to write it all down because if I just spoke about the card, I ended up wittering on for ages - and then forgetting to mention something really important. Then getting a bit sweary. Then tearful. Then just bloody grumpy.
That's the 3 main stages of Garage Band Incompetence right there.
I ended up with pages and pages of hand-written notes (pencil) to refer to.
Then I accidentally deleted all the music.
Then I decided that I didn't want one particular bit of music and removed it. Only to discover that in doing so I'd accidentally deleted all the music again.
Then I did something tricky - and accidental - with the mouse and a whole bit chunk of it went into a loop. It took aaaaages to sort it out. That bit got quite weepy and violent in turns.
Temper length: about *this* long. That's short.
Inconvenient happenings whilst recording:
1 forgetting that I had facebook open and all the little ping sounds of incoming messages were recorded to the show.
2 the phone ringing while I was recording.
3 Sonshine battering in to the room to tell me all about his day at school while I was recording. He now tells me that I need a red light. Outside the bedroom. There was guffawing from Tartarus.
4 Tartarus came home. Not exactly unexpected, but damned inconvenient. He didn't bring me a present back from Israel even though he knows that I LONG to go there and eat myself into a coma. I was grumpy.
5 I had to endure Tartarus hoovering while I was recording. Temper length: the thickness of a gnat's pubic hair......
6 Vocal ineptitude - getting half-way through saying something and coughing. Or sneezing. Or banging the microphone. Or making the chair squeak like a particularly tense fart. Or swearing. Mainly swearing. I look at The Jeremy Vine Show now with renewed respect, lemme tell you. This is quite tricky to do. And very tricky indeed to do well.
But it was completed and handed in.
I couldn't sleep on Sunday night worrying whether I had maybe got too personal with the Year cards for the presenters (given that I don't even know them, that is highly unlikely).
I couldn't bring myself to listen to the actual show on the Monday because, well, you know...... it was ME doing the talking and I would just have sat with my cardigan pulled over my head wailing at the horror of my poor diction and vocal ticks - how often do YOU think that you say - erm, um, so, or well?! I say them ALL THE TIME!!!!! I make Boris Johnston sound like Mr Suave.
I waited for the complaints to arrive (this is me, the world's number one worrier, remember) and lo! a couple of kind facebook comments arrived.....then a couple of private comments on the facebook page - complementary! Relief slowly began to unclench my bowels.
When I ventured in to the studio to collect my usb stick, the guys in charge were very kind and positive and suggested that I work on the recording volume of the vocals (the music was fine). They also said, actually, that someone had commented that the music choices were GOOD! Also that someone wanted the show on CD!!!!!
And so, clutching my little USB stick, I came home and started work on the next show immediately.
And that is where I am at the moment - working on next week's show.
And that's why I'm here:
Hestia will be taking a little holiday - just for a couple of weeks - until I get a bit more confident with the recording. But I'll be back.
So please don't leave me....... *sad puppy dog eyes*
