Vix's book the other day and popped into one of our local charity shops (of which there are several) to scour for a bargain. The three white-haired ladies behind the counter all chirped a merry 'good morning' as I set about rootling through the second-hand books and anti-macassers.
Since I was the only customer in the shop, I couldn't HELP but overhear their conversation which went EXACTLY like this. Honest to God. Not a single Hestia-inspired embellishment, cross my heart and hope for gallstone pain.
Specs: I might pop up and see Hobble this afternoon.
Pearls: Why? What's up with Hobble?
Specs: She's been in and had to get a new hip. AND she might need to get a new knee.
Pearls and Fur Coat make clucking, caring noises.
Fur Coat: And why is this the first time I have heard about this?
Specs shakes her head. Maybe you weren't in here when we were told?
Pearls *in conspiratorial tones* You know Brooch?
Specs and Fur Coat murmur their assent
Pearls continues: Well, SHE went in for a new hip and SHE was told there was something wrong with her shin bone too. AND THEY BROKE HER SHIN BONE AND RE-SET IT!!!
Specs makes shocked noises and begins to cash up the till. It is not even midday.
By this time I have worked my way around to the handbags and am studying a nice leaf green one that might be quite useful. I spot a navy blue one that is capacious but does look a bit 'old lady'. I fiddle with the clips, testing them for durability for potential Nintendo DS stuffing.
Specs sighs and looks out at people wandering by, making the most of the remains of the morning. 'Anyway. I might pop along to the bakers and get a wee cake for Hobble and I this afternoon'.
Fur Coat: Are you going to go up to see Hobble?
Specs: Yes. I'll get my washing hung out and then go.
Fur Coat: Why are you going up to see Hobble?
Specs: Because she's had a new hip and might need a new knee.
Fur Coat *indignant*: And why is this the first time I have heard about this?
Reader, I just put the two handbags back on the hook and backed out of the shop as the three of them once again launched into their discussion of new knees and hips.
*shoot me now*
26 Feb 2011
25 Feb 2011
|Susan Sarandon gets fainty too|
I have hair very much like Magenta *sad face*
I don't like veins.
I can't watch videos of the Stereophonics' Kelly Jones singing because he's got a vein that positively THROBS when he's straining to sing. And that's all the time.
21 Feb 2011
|You are not reading The White Oaks of Jalna|
What? You don't know what that IS?
I'm pretty confident that you will have heard of its sister test, the Random Fuck Test?
19 Feb 2011
|look close - is that snot?|
By the way, it's not a LAME frock, but I can't figure out how to do French accents on here *stares at keyboard in puzzled manner*
13 Feb 2011
As I got ready for bed last night I was aware of a twist of pain on my right side. I wondered whether it might be the return of the London Pain and went to bed. Within 30 minutes I was in agony. And that's not a light-hearted Hestia-type exaggeration. It was AGONY. It was worse than appendicitis agony and nearly as bad as Jedward agony.
12 Feb 2011
'Ooooh' I groan, turning the page to a centre spread of a leg of lamb in a herby tomato sauce on a bed of plumply moist macaroni. Looks as tastily Italian as Rufus Sewell in a Versace suit. I show Tertarus the glossy picture:
11 Feb 2011
I emerged from the 2008 Accounts a scant 7 days before Christmas, mole-like and blinking in the watery winter sunlight. At this point, the bank balance on the Sage system was nothing like the bank account balance on the actual paperwork...and the less said about the mysterious behaviour of the credit card, the better....but it was done to the best of my meagre mathematical abilities.
7 Feb 2011
Apparently, our 10-year old son was asking Tertarus how to get and keep a girlfriend. Tertarus wisely omitted to fill me in on what his sage answer was, but I confess to being slightly miffed at being left out of the conversation.
5 Feb 2011
|Guess which one is me?|
More than anything (even having a non-Scottish mouthful of straight, white teeth) I would love to have had swooshy hair. Or even shiny hair. I have hair that could pull trucks and provide a comfortable home for nesting birds.
I am thinking about getting it cut off.
3 Feb 2011
|pic from http://www.bentleybrushware.co.uk|
Well, the story continues....
2 Feb 2011
In the past six days I have had to travel to the mainland three times to variously go to the dentist, dinner and a funeral.
And one thing has become crystal clear in the course of my enforced sojourns on the mainland - We have lost our manners.