|Will she be this year's John Sargent?|
Me: I hope Anne Widdicombe does ok. I hate when people take the piss out of older, less agile folk.
Day Carer: Anne Widdicombe?
Me: Yes, you know, the MP? Writes books?
Day Carer: Mmmmm - not sure, enlighten me.
Me: SHE was the MP who said: 'He has something of the night about him about.....fuck.....you know......Tory MP'
Dar Carer *blank expression*
Me: You KNOW......not John Major....but of that time. Oh GOD I can see his FACE.......glasses.....smarmy looking
Day Carer: 'Alan Clarke?'
Me: Nooooooooooooooooo - much smarmier looking. Oh for God's SAKES........he was a Cabinet Minister. He might even have been leader of the Tory party....
Day Carer: Michael Heseltine? William Hague? Was he Scottish?
Me: Noooooooooooo not Scottish. English. Oh - this is going to drive me mad ALL day *fade out*
The hushed sanctum of the Glasgow Boys Exhibition. Squads of elderly art experts are muttering about the light and tone. Day Carer sidles up to me and.....
Day Carer: *whispers* Have you remembered the name of the MP yet?
Me: *whispers* NO. (yes, I CAN whisper quietly and shout at the same time) And now I'll start thinking about it all over again. All day. *sulk* I'd managed to forget all about that.....
Characters exit stage left.....(heading for coffee and cake)
Sitting at our evening meal at my Day Carer's:
Day Carer: Would you like some lamb or some pork? *offers me serving dish*
Me: MICHAEL HOWARD! Michael Howard - that's whose name I've been trying to remember all day!!!
(sinks back into chair, exhausted from the mental effort)
Day Carer: Who?
Me: Michael Howerd - that's who Anne Widdicombe said: 'He has something of the night about him.'
Day Carer: Who's Anne Widdicombe?
Me: Oh......never mind. Pork please.
Roll on Strictly Come Dancing. My Saturday nights will be a sea of sequins, eyeliner, skimpy costumes, ladies with vertiginously long legs and blokes with nice bums. Oh - and MERLIN!
My money's on Matt Baker - who do you think will win?
*Obviously she's not REALLY my carer, but she's so incredibly organised and sorted that when we're together we automatically lapse into Useless Halfwit (me) and Effortlessly Useful (her)
|Michael Howard - see? He DOES have something of the night about him.|